Let Yourself Fall // sequel to My Ethan Karpathy

Chapter 55.

ETHANS POV:

I think I sprint back home, eager to get her in my arms and tell her everything's going to be okay, even though it might not be. Once I get to the driveway, I see Jai coming out the front door.

"Jai, I'm so sorry about earlier. I just got mad and-" I start to apologise but he stops me.

"Don't worry about it. We're even. Just get in there and comfort her, okay? If you leave her, I swear to god I will never let you near her again." he warns, but in a way I'm glad she has a sensible guy who's protecting her like she's his sister. I know that Jai doesn't have feelings for Paisley like that, so I'm fine with them being together all the time.

I race inside, looking around for Paisley. My eagerness starts to die down as I keep searching. I remember that this is supposed to be a teary moment, and I'm way to adrenaline filled. I stop for a minute when I hear a cough. It's coming from the bathroom. I hear the toilet flush and a bedroom door close, and I look out the window to see the first signs of sunset in the clouds. Then I turn my attention to the stairs and slowly start to climb them. I stop outside Paisley's closed door, hesitating before pushing it open and walking through. Paisley's laying in her bed, facing the wall. I can tell she's almost asleep, or she's purposely ignoring me. I run over and stop just by her bed, not sure what to do. She slowly sits up, rubs her eyes and looks up. She sees me and her expression goes blank. We know whatever I say next will determine what happens for the rest of our lives.

I don't know if I can do this. What will Jai do if I leave her? Why is that even crossing my mind!? I remember what Chris said. I am that babies father, and I want that little boy or girl to think of me as their hero. Not a selfish prick who ran away. Then I think of Paisley. How the fuck can she do this on her own? She already has enough to deal with. I know if I leave now, I've lost her forever. Not only me, but the world will have lost her. I just know it. This whole thing is my fault, anyway. I sit down on the bed to stop myself from shaking, and Paisley shuffles back a bit, like she's scared of what I'm going to say.

"Paisley, I love you. I'm going to be here every step of the way."

I would've said more, but I didn't want to stutter. I want to seem brave, even though I'm not brave at all. She needs to think that I'm brave about this, so she knows she can be brave too. She just sits there, staring right into my eyes. She doesn't move forward to hug me or anything. I can see the sadness in her eyes, I can see the pain she's in right now. The tears start to cascade down her cheeks, as they well up in mine. I think we sit there for a couple of minutes, me just studying her face, and her staring right into my eyes. Then she finally moves. She rocks up slowly onto her knees and looks to her right for a moment. Then she begins to crawl slowly over to me. She pushes me back onto the bed and crawls right on top of me. She rests her head on my chest as I wrap my arms securely around her. I stare at the roof, swallowing a lot so I don't cry.

"I'm so sorry." I say after a while, but my voice cracks.

"It's okay." she replies flatly.

"I don't know what to do, Ethan. I thought you were going to leave me and then I don't even know what would happen. I can't do this alone." she says, lifting her head up to meet my gaze.

"I'm not going to leave you. I can't go on tour now." I say, realising at the last minute.

I don't know why I feel this all of a sudden. I was looking forward to this tour so much. All I wanted was to do one thing for myself, the rest I dedicate to her. I guess this is my fault. I used old condoms, I basically asked for it. They weren't that old, but they were obviously old enough. I just really wanted this for myself. This opportunity, and now I can't do it.

"Ethan, you're going on tour, no matter what." she tells me. In a way I'm sort of grateful she still feels like that. But I can't.

"I have to look after you." I tell her, grabbing her hand.

"I have Jai. He's on a six month break."

"I'm not making Jai do that." I say, playing with her fingers.

"You have to go. You need to go." she says firmly.

I sigh and roll her over so she's laying next to me. Her hip was really digging into me. I brush the hair out of her face and cup my hand around her cheek.

"We can't do this." she whispers.

"Paisley, everything's going to be okay." I reassure her, even though it's mainly to reassure myself.

"No it's not. I'm not even sixteen until next month, and you're not even sixteen for another four months." she says, starting to cry again.

(A/N: I'm pretty sure I just mixed up their birthdays.. But just roll with it)

"What's Holly going to say?" She adds, barely above a whisper.

"I don't know, I really don't. But whatever happens, you have me, okay? I don't think she's the type of person who would kick us out, alright?" I reply, wiping away the tears from her cheeks.

"I can't.. Deal with this. I can't do this," she starts, starting to sob. She cups her hand over her mouth and looks down the bed as she cries her heart out. Seeing her like this makes me cry too. "I just can't, I'm so sorry."

I sit up slowly and she jumps right into my waiting arms. She grips her arms around my neck like baby monkey. She doesn't let go, and just cries. I rub small circles on her back, hoping it's calming her down. I decide it's not working so I start to stroke her hair. She full on sobs against my shoulder. I can hear her struggling for breath in my ear, but she doesn't stop crying. This isn't fair, I don't know what we've done to deserve this. Why does the world hate us so much? I don't know what we've done. We had sex, apparently that was bad enough. I've watched these shows; 17 and pregnant, teen mom. They're all worried and hysterical about being pregnant. They're 17 and 18 years old! That's nothing compared to Paisley. She is 15 fucking years of age. This can't happen to her.

That's when I get a thought. I don't think Paisley will go for it, though. I want to raise the statement, but I don't think i should. This isn't a movie, things won't work that way. Too many things could go wrong. I get so caught up in my feelings that it just kind of slips out.

"Run away with me."

A/N: ooh, is she gunna go or not?? Hmm, well, ten votes until next update ayy?

Peace, love and Ethan Karpathy.