Let Yourself Fall // sequel to My Ethan Karpathy

Chapter 54.

PAISLEYS POV:

He stands there, tears forming in his eyes, not knowing what to do. I can see his chest rising and falling quickly as he tries to breathe. I start to step forward towards him, but he steps back.

"I just need.. I just need to go for a walk. I'll be back, okay?" He says, putting his hands behind his neck and hesitating before walking away, leaving me in tears.

I remember what Jai told me. About how if Ethan left, call him. It's not like he left, he said he was coming back, though, right? I think he just needs time to process this information. I decide I can't trust myself home alone like this, so I call Jai.

"Jai," I say when he picks up, trying not to sob too much.

"Oh my god, you told him?" He asks, suddenly sounding panicked.

"Yes." I say through my tears.

"Are you okay?"

"He, um left. He said he was going for a walk. I don't know when he's coming back." I sob, hoping I make sense.

"Look, I'm just around the corner at Cat's with Brai. I'm on my way now. Everything going to be okay." he says. I can hear him puffing, and I know he's running.

I hang up on him and fall down to my knees. I rest my hands on my stomach and just cry. 'Paisley, he's going to stay' I tell myself over and over again. It's not being very convincing. I try and take steady breaths until I hear the doorbell ring.

I practically get up like an Olympian starting a running race and sprint down the stairs and to the door. I need Jai. I open the door and see that Jai had a big purple bruise on his cheek. He got into a fight with Ethan. Jai instantly drags me up off the floor in a massive hug as I cry into his shirt. I kick the door shut as Jai walks me up the stairs and to my room.

"What did he say?" Jai asks once we are in my room.

"I was s-singing Small Bump and he came in an- and he asked if I was pregnant and I-I-" I stutter though small sobs.

Jai sits down against the wall and I sit next to him. Jai puts one arm tightly around me as I rest my head on his shoulder, my tears starting to die down. We sit there for a while, not talking until I stop crying completely.

"Jai, did you get into a fight with Ethan?" I ask quietly, hoping he will answer truthfully.

"Yes, Paisley. We got into a fight. But don't worry." He sighs, trying to dismiss the subject.

"What about?" I press on now that my tears have stopped.

"Well, in the car, Ethan said he was really worried about you. And I just sort of stayed quiet because I didn't want to accidentally say something. Ethan must've noticed how I was quiet because he confronted me about it outside Sony. He kept asking him what I knew, and I kept saying it wasn't my place to say. Then he got all mad and punched me. I'm really sorry, but I punched him back." Jai explains guiltily.

I say nothing and try not to cry again. I feel like I should be angry that he punched my boyfriend, but I also feel like I should be angry that my boyfriend punched my best friend. I guess they sort of cancel each other out.

ETHANS POV:

I don't know what to do. I just know I need to process this somewhere by myself. Then I realise I don't want to be by myself with this, and I know it sounds bad, but I need to process this without Paisley. I decide there's nowhere to go besides Chris' place. I walk up to the door and knock, hoping he's home. A couple of seconds later, Chris' mum opens the door.

"Oh! Hey, Ethan! Chris is in his room, I'm just popping out to the shops. Make yourself at home." she says cheerfully, walking out to her car.

"Thanks, Sophie." I say before letting myself inside. I trudge up to Chris' room and find him laying on his bed, talking to someone on the phone.

"Yeah, I know, hon." he says, smiling like an idiot. He's talking to Grace.

"Yes, of course I will." he replies to something.

"But I'm sure they won't even compare to your sexiness." he laughs, not even realising I'm there.

"You know it's true. Swagmaster Chris will be the life of the party. We can be like king and queen sexy." he says, still laughing.

"Okay, I miss you. I'll see you soon." he says. He listens for a few more seconds but then sits up and hangs up.

"Oh, Ethan. How long were you standing there?" Chris laughs. I just shrug as tears start to well up in my eyes.

"Woah, what happened?" He asks, standing up.

"Is everything okay?" He asks. I shake my head slowly as the tears threaten to spill over.

"You can cry, what's up?"

I know this seems weird, but I just needed to. I run forwards and wrap my arms around Chris. There's nothing more soothing right now than a hug from your best friend, even though we're guys. It really doesn't seem to bother either one of us right now.

"It's not okay, it's not okay." I cry over his shoulder.

"Woah, woah. Explain to me what happened. Cmon." Chris says, pulling away and resting his hands on my shoulders. I take a few deep breaths until I can speak again. I look around the room, trying to avoid Chris' sharp eye contact. I'm having a debate inside me whether I should tell him or not. But I decide I need someone right now.

"She's pregnant." i blurt out, but unfortunately it comes out as a massive sob.

"Wait, what..?" Chris trails off, taking his hands off my shoulders.

"The condom broke, or failed or something.. I didn't know.. I can't do this." I say, suddenly starting to freak out.

"But.. Where's Paisley?" Chris asks, sitting down on the bed as he takes all this in.

"She's at home. I needed to get away for a minute. I needed to think." I reply, trying to control my breathing. Chris just sits there and stares at me intensely, waiting for me to continue.

"I just keep thinking; I'm too young, I can't raise a baby. I know I have to be there for her, but i can't do this, I am fifteen years old, and I just.. I just can't have a baby. Not now. Im supposed to be leaving her for two months in a week. I can't have a fucking baby, I don't know how to raise a baby. I don't know a thing, I'm too young for this." I rush out, pacing back and forward along the carpet. Chris takes a deep breath and starts to talk.

"Ethan, if you feel like this, how do you think she is feeling right now?" He replies simply, blinking a couple of times.

"I didn't think of that." I admit. Stopping and facing the wall. I'm so selfish.

"Now I'm going to give you some tough loving. You need to get back over there and be there for her. It's bad enough you left straight away when you found out, she's probably thinking you've left her or something. You got her knocked up, so you need to act like the parent. You're the babies daddy, someone your child will look up to. Do you want your child to think you're some dumb cunt who ran away when he was scared? Or do you want him to think you're his or her brave hero? I know what I would choose." he says, using finger gestures quite a bit. And with that, he pushes me out his door and shuts it behind me.