Let Yourself Fall // sequel to My Ethan Karpathy

Chapter 10.

ETHANS POV:

She just sits there for a few minutes, staring at me. I can almost see the millions of thoughts running through her head right now. I sit there, wanting to cry as the realisation starts to dawn on me.

"Just do it." I say, trying not to cry. I shift further away from her on the bed.

"Do what?" She asked, confused.

"You don't feel it anymore, just break up with me now." I tell her.

"Ethan, I'm sorry, I don't feel anything." Paisley says. I slide to the end of the bed and stand up, the tears threatening to spill.

"Exactly," I say as I walk towards the door.

"No, Ethan. That's not what I mean." Paisley rushes, trying to chase me. Obviously very painfully, she gets up and walks towards me.

"Sit down." I tell her.

"Will you let me explain?" She asks.

"Okay." I snap, now lightly annoyed. I saved her, I was always there for her, I made her my world. And this is how she repays me.

"Ethan, don't be angry, I don't feel anything. At all. No pain, no happiness, no nervousness, no excitement, I feel nothing. Any time, for anything." she says. I soften my death stare as I realise.

"Oh," is all I can manage out.

"I'm sorry." She whispers, holding her head low as a few tears fall.

"Don't be. I'm sorry. I want you to know, Paisley, that even when you don't feel it, I still love you." I tell her. That earns a soft smile. It's the first time she's smiled in a while.

"I know. And I will make up for this, I promise." Paisley says, wrapping her arms around me.

"No need, my princess." I say, returning the hug.

"Do you want to go downstairs?" She asks. She's sounding brighter now, but I think she's just making the most of feeling emotionless. I say nothing, just pick her up in one swift movement and run down to the lounge room.

"Want to go to the park?" I ask. I guess that was a dick thing to say. Paisley just stops smiling and I see her eyes go dark and cloudy again. A sad look comes over her face as she shakes her head.

"I'm sorry.. Do you want to go shopping?" I ask, she never says no to shopping unless something's really bad. She shakes her head.

"Do you want to go out at all?" I ask. She shakes her head.

I'm not going to make her leave if she doesn't want to. I grab her hand and walk her over to the couch. I sit her down and she just stays there staring at the floor. I flick on a random movie on the TV and grab the big fluffy blanket from the floor. I take it back to where Paisley was still sitting, staring at the floor. I sit on the couch next to her and put the blanket over both of us. I pull her into my lap and put my feet up so I'm laying. The movie actually was really scary, I was almost screaming like a little girl. I kept jumping at all of the jump scares and Paisley was looking at me like I was an idiot. She was un phased by the movie which is really strange since she usually is more scared than me.

This whole no emotion thing has got me worried. I want to express my love for her as much as I can, but I have to be honest and say I want to feel loved too. She's all I have left that I love. I was really glad when my phone rang because the movie was getting too scary for me. It was Sony.

"Hello?" I answer.

"Hello, Ethan, It's John. I'm just calling to confirm with you that you are still free to begin your first national tour on the 14th to the 28th of March." John asks. That's in a month.

"Um, is it okay if I just call you back in a second? I'm really sorry." I reply.

"Take all the time you need, my new rising star." He tells me. That was weird. I hang up and walk back into the lounge room. Paisley hears me and looks up over the back of the couch.

"Who was that?" She asks.

"Sony.. They want me to tour on the fourteenth." I hesitate.

"Did you say yes?" She asks.

"I'm not sure if I should." I reply honestly.

"You need to do it."

"I want to be here for you." I argue.

"I'll be fine."

"You deserve more than fine." I tell her.

"I'll feel better if you follow your dreams."

"My dream is to be with you. My only dream is to live a long, happy life with you, the girl of my dreams. I was your first, my dream is that I will be your last." I tell her.

"That's not true. That's not your only dream. I know you, Ethan." she says. She can see right through me.

"Are you sure?" I ask, taking her hands.

"Positive, it won't be for too long, I'll come see your final show, I promise." Paisley tells me.

"Okay," I breathe nervously as I dial in the number. "I'll do it."

PAISLEYS POV:

I don't know what's happening, I don't know why, but I do know I want it to stop. I want to forget and move on, but I can't forget. I can see Ethan through the crack in the door, he's on the phone, laughing and smiling. He looks so happy it makes me cry, because I know what I have to do. Ethan walks in and I take a deep breath, I don't know how I'm going to do this. I wipe my tears, sit up straighter and exhale deeply.

"Ethan," I start, breathing deep, painful breaths.

"Yes, baby?" He says cheerfully, which makes my heart break even more. This is the most painful thing I've ever done. I open my mouth and before I let my second thoughts kick in, I say it.

"I love you, but I can't be with you anymore."