Let Yourself Fall // sequel to My Ethan Karpathy

Chapter 70.

I climb into the bunk opposite Brai's and pull down the blanket curtain. We both have a bunk kind of thing but there's no mattress on the top. We tucked a blanket into the frame and it hangs down the side like a blanket for privacy and light blockage. It's been two hours since I texted Paisley, and she hasn't answered. I'm almost sure she's asleep, but there's this little thing that keeps playing with my mind, making me think she's not. I think Brai is still at the back of the bus because he's not in here. When I hear my phone ring with Paisley's ringtone, I almost drop my phone in my rush to answer it.

"Oh my god, I was so worried. Are you okay?" I rush out. I was expecting a giggle, but I got silence.

"Paisley?" I ask, suddenly getting worried.

"Are you okay..?" I ask, becoming really worried.

"No," I hear her whisper with the biggest amount of hesitation I've ever heard.

"Paisley, please talk to me. Let me help you, what's happened?" I ask worriedly, hearing a sniff from the other end. She doesn't reply which makes me sort of frustrated and even more upset and worried.

"Paisley!?" I ask more firmly, really waning an answer.

"I'm sad." is all she said. At least it's something to work off.

"Okay, why are you sad? Is Jai there? Are you okay?" I ask.

"This song. It's making me sad, and I'm hungry, but I can't eat, I'm tired but I can't sleep, I don't want to cry but I have to, I don't want to be scared but I am. I'm scared, Ethan. I'm so damn scared." she says through tears.

"Oh my god, where's Jai? Paisley keep talking to me." I say, suddenly realising how bad this is. I start to stress and run down to the end of the bus where Brai is sitting on his phone. I try not to cry while I try and get his attention.

"Brai, call Jai and tell him to go to my house. Now. Something's wrong with Paisley." I say urgently, holding the phone to my chest. He seems to get the urgency because he has him on the phone within seconds.

"I can't do this, Ethan. This is all my fault. I can't deal with this. I'm so scared, I'm scared and I'm sad. I don't know what to do and I can't get out of it. I can't hold on any longer. It's too much and I just can't. I love you so much, please always remember that." she sobs the second I put the phone to my ear.

"No, Paisley. You are strong. You can do all of this, and I'm coming home. You are more important than myself to me." I tell her, making my decision.

"Ethan, don't come home. I won't be here... I love you." she says as I hear a click.

"Paisley!? PAISLEY!?" I yell into the phone as I realise what she means. She can't, she wouldn't. She will.

I break down then and there. She's not gone.. I will know when she's gone. No, I will know if she's gone. She's going to be okay. Jai is on his way. There's that if. One tiny word which could end me forever. I am past the point of crying, instead i am unable to do anything. I am shaking and unable to stand. My knees collapse as I fall to the floor and hit my head against my bed. The pain is there, but it's almost numb compared to the feeling in my heart.My throat is dry, my body feeling numb. She's not gone.. She's still here. I feel her. She's safe. For now. Brai comes running in. He must've heard the bang of when my head hit the bed.

"Jai says he was worried and was already on his wa-" Brai says, stopping when he sees my state.

BRAIS POV:

I hear this big crash and decide I should get up to make sure everything's okay.

"Jai says he was worried and was already on his wa-" I say, stopping short.

Ethan is there, on the ground, not moving at all. He's okay.. I think. Actually no, he's really not okay. He's past showing signs of it.

"What the fuck, are you alright?" I ask even through its obvious he's not.

"She's going to do it. For real this time." he says barely above a whisper.

"No.. Jai was almost there when I called him. He would've gotten to her."
I reassure him.

"I can't do this. I can't leave her anymore than I already have." he says, still unable to cry.

"You know she doesn't want that. We need to find another solution."

JAIS POV:

Paisley hasn't answered any of her texts or calls since 6:30. It is now 1:00am and I have this bad feeling. I asked Dean to drive me over there because I knew something wasn't right. Better safe than sorry. I'm about two minutes away when I get a call from Brai.

"Jai! You need to go to Paisley right now. Ethan didn't tell me what, but he seemed really urgent and I know it isn't a joke." he rushes the second I pick up.

"Woah woah, I'm almost there. I was worried and am on my way." I say, actually getting really worried now.

"Do you know what's going on?" He asks, sounding really upset.

"I have no clue. About to pull up, bye." I say as I hang up.

I jump out the car before it even stops and rush up to the door. I pull out the spare key and barge through the door. I can't find Paisley so I rush up the stairs. I didn't want to call out her name just in case she decided to do something. I find her in her room. She's got her back to me, so I can't see much. I do know that she's got a knife of some sort. I sort of fall into a trance, unable to move or speak. It's only when she falls to her knees, making a horrible, inhuman noise as she slides the blade over her wrist again that I can move. I can tell she's going deeper with every cut, daring herself to cut that vein. Cutting that vein will kill her, cut her to death. She's not far away either. I don't know how I do it, but I run up behind her and grab the wrist of the hand holding the knife. At first she has no idea what's happening, but then she stops. She goes limp and pale and let's the knife fall to the floor. It's only then when I see the bottle of bleach laying sideways on the carpet. I don't know where Holly is, but she's not in the house.

"Jai, I need you." she says, her voice cracking as she falls backwards.

"Anything, let me help you. With anything. Just please let me help you." I say, catching her shoulders and resting her head in my lap. I stroke her hair as she cries, the tears falling from the corner of her eyes straight to the floor.

"I'm so scared, why am I always so scared?" She asks, her eyes drooping as she tries to stay awake.

"You're not scared. You're brave, and you're beautiful, and you deserve your life. Don't let it get the best of you." I tell her, praying to the heavens that her eyes don't shut.

"I'm calling an ambulance." I say, making the decision there and then.

"No!" She screams with the last of her energy, but it comes out more as a dying screech.

"Paisley I am." I say, dialling the number.