Let Yourself Fall // sequel to My Ethan Karpathy

Chapter 38.

PAISLEYS POV:

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to, I am so sorry." Jai rushes out.

"No, it's okay. I needed that." I say. Why did I say that? I feel so guilty! Wait, why am I guilty? I didn't kiss him, he kissed me. It's not like I had sex with him. He was about to say more but Chris and grace walk back into the room. They are both staring at me weirdly, I can't even work out the expression they are showing.

"Paisley, we need to talk. And you need to listen." Chris says, sitting down on the bed. I look up at him from my little corner and nod my head as an invitation to speak.

"Ethan didn't cheat on you." Chris says.

"No, no, no! Don't even start! I know Ethan told you to do this, I know you're saying exactly what Ethan told you to! I don't want to hear it!" I say, trying hard not to cry any more. I can't believe he even tried.

"No, seriously Paisley. Chloe is Ethan's cousin!" Grace insists.

"No! Not you too! And that's even worse! Am I really that bad that he needs his cousin to fill my duties?!" I say, raising my voice.

"No! She sent it to the wrong Ethan." Chris says.

"Of course she did!"

"Paisley! I saw the messages! She's his cousin." Chris insists.

"How do you know that Ethan didn't tell her to say that stuff, then deleted the messages, huh? You don't!" I yell.

"No, I checked that. I saw the messages before." Chris says, remaining calm.

"Can't you see? Can't you see what he's done to my life? Thanks to him, I'm paranoid! He's stuffed me up, inside and out. And to find out the whole thing was a lie?" I say, finally breaking down.

"Paisley, love hurts. It's how it's supposed to work." Grace says.

"How do I even know what we had was love? That's the thing, I don't!"

"You can tell. Anyone can tell." Grace replies, starting to cry herself.

"I don't want to see such a perfect love go to waste." Chris adds.

"Guys! I don't want to be with him right now! Stop making this harder for me." I say, gripping my hair in my hands.

"Paisley, it's going to be harder not to go back." Grace persists, trying to convince me.

"No." I cry.

"Okay, maybe it's too soon. Will you talk to him?" Chris asks.

"No."

"Can i tell him where you are?" Chris asks.

"No!"

"Can I-?" Grace starts but I cut her off.

"Please! Stop with the questions. I just need a break, I need time to myself." I say, getting up and walking to the door.

"Where are you going?" Jai asks, chasing after me.

"I don't know." I reply honestly.

"You need to stay. I'm not letting you go out alone at night ever again." Jai says as he grabs my arm, stopping me from going any further. I realise what he's referring to and stop in my tracks. I am just so fucking scared of even the concept. I drop to my knees then and there at the top of the stairs, bury my face in my hands and simply cry, it's all I can do. It's all I have been doing for the last twenty four hours.

"Paisley, it's going to be okay," Jai says sympathetically, crouching down then pulling me up against him. I let myself be dragged into his lap and allow him to wrap his arms around me. It doesn't seem wrong right now. "I promise."