Let Yourself Fall // sequel to My Ethan Karpathy

Chapter 15.

ETHANS POV:

While I'm passed out, Chris' words keep replaying over and over in my head.

'Ethan, Paisley just tried to commit suicide.'

'I don't know if she went through with it.'

The words swirl and swirl around in my brain. Paisley? My beautiful Paisley? Tried to take her own life? Did she succeed? I can't make it in this world without her. She is my heart and soul, just like I am hers, at least I thought I was. We need each other- I need her. She can't bail on me now, we've been through too much together. What happened? She didn't even tell me that something was wrong. All of these little things start flooding into me. Things I let slide before that now I know I shouldn't have. All those times she came home with bruises on her cheeks, the time she had blood on her neck, the way she is so self conscious now, the way every morning she checks her phone with tears in her eyes, deletes something and continues on with what was her 'normally'. Well I guess I shouldn't have ignored it.

What if she's dead? What if she's in heaven right now? Can she read my mind now? Can she see what she has done to me? I'm not even awake right now, and I'm glad, because I would be crying so much now. (A/N: Sorry Brai)

PAISLEYS POV:

"I'm taking you back to Ethan." Jai says into my hair for the third time.

"No." I say, also for the third time. I can't go back to Ethan right now. I know Chris is there with him, so at least he has someone. I can't face what Ethan might have done to himself right now. I know he's done something, I feel it inside me. He starts to loosen his grip but I feel the urge to just jump. I let my instincts kick in.

"Don't let go." I whisper.

"I'm taking you back. Now." Jai decides.

"I can't." I cry into the softness of the grey hoodie.

"Why not?" He asks.

"I can't face what Ethan has done to himself right now."

"What has he done?" Jai asks.

"He's cut, or worse. I can feel it." I sob.

"Then that's exactly why you need to go back. Before he does do something worse. He needs to know you're okay."

"He thinks I just left him. He doesn't know what I was going to do." I explain.

"I'm taking you. Now."

And with that, he scoops me up and carries me off the bridge and down the road. The walk is quiet, but not silent, the silence being filled with my sobs as I grab Jai's hoodie in my fists. I think Chris showed him directions because 20 minutes later, we arrive at my house.

ETHANS POV:

I jolt awake to the stinging pain of someone touching my cut arm. The blood has probably dried now but it still stings like a bitch. I look over to my arm and see the familiar black painted nails.. She was caressing my arm with her four fingers and stroking the letters with her thumb. She knows I'm awake, but she is avoiding my eyes. She looks so depressed, so sad. But she looks normal. Her normal. I now see the past the fake happiness, into the deep corners of her mind, where her darkest emotions lay. This all happens in the matter of ten seconds, then it hits me.

She's alive.

In the matter of two seconds, I was leaping forward and wrapping my arms around her. I drag her up onto the bed and never take my arms down from around her. She just cries into my top and doesn't say anything. I feel like I'm not holding on tight enough, so I wrap my legs around her as well. She just continues to cry, so I sing to her.

"When I look into your eyes,
it's like watching the night sky,
Or a beautiful sunrise,
There's so much they hold.

Well I won't give up on us,
Even if the skies get rough,
Coz I'm giving you all my love,
I'm still looking up.

No I won't give up"

She just hugs me tighter. That's her thank you, but it's so meaningful. That girls going through a hell of a lot, and now I see she has been for a while.