Let Yourself Fall // sequel to My Ethan Karpathy

Chapter 9.

PAISLEYS POV:

I wake up in Ethan's arms to a morning Sunrise. That's funny, last time I remember falling asleep, it was the middle of the day. Did I really sleep that long? I carefully and painfully turn my neck to look at Ethan but he's sleeping too. I awkwardly stand up and move slowly towards the stairs. My bones and muscles feel so weak and painful. I close my eyes and brace myself for the pain that's about to follow as I attempt to get up the stairs and to my room. I try to keep them closed and grit my teeth as I start to walk, taking it step by step, but all I can picture every time I close my eyes is the man, hitting and scratching at me. I thought I was going to lose my virginity to some stranger, get pregnant and live a horrible life, or worse, die. I close my eyes again and continue, but I just can't stop picturing it.

'I try to push him back as he holds the knife against the back of my leg, threatening to cut me if I don't lift my skirt. I refuse, so he cuts, all the way from my calf up to the back of my thigh, then ripping off my skirt. He throws me roughly back against the fence'

I open my eyes and try to shake the images out of my head, but they just keep coming. I just lose it, I thought I was off to a good start today, I collapse onto the stairs and hold my head in my hands. I cry so much that I grow faint and fall backwards with a crash.

ETHANS POV:

I am asleep on the couch, having another dream where Paisley is getting kidnapped by these guys when I hear a heavy crash. The crash wakes me up and I realise that Paisley isn't laying on me anymore. I jump up over Chris and to the source of the noise. Paisley was laying backwards on the stairs awkwardly, and she wasn't moving. I rush over to see that she had fainted. I pick her up and take her up stairs to my room this time. I lay her down on the bed just as Chris walks in.

"What happened? Is she okay?" Chris asks sleepily.

"I think she fainted. Are you going to school?" I ask, remembering it's Friday.

"Oh, shit. I totally forgot. Yeah, I have to go but I'll be here straight after school. I promise." says as he runs out the room and stomps down the stairs.

"Bye!" I call after him.

I look back to the bed where Paisley is laying. My heart literally sinks when I realise what she's been through. I can't think of anything to do besides stroke her, so that's what I do. I kneel beside the bed and stroke her hair gently. I really don't know what else to do, I feel so terrible. I don't want to leave her side.

"Hey, how is she? I have to go to work now so see you tonight." Holly says quietly, popping her head around the door.

"She's sleeping, and see ya." I say as she walks away. It's sort of a lie, but Paisley will wake up soon. I sit there for about 20 minutes, just stroking her hair and resting my chin on my arm which was rested along the side of the bed and close my eyes.

"Lay with me." I hear a whisper. I open my eyes to see Paisley awake.

She grabs my fingers that were stroking her and gently tugs at my arm, gesturing for me to come up next to her. I climb up next to her and she slowly turns over so she's facing me.

"How are you?" I ask. I figured it was better than 'are you okay?'

"I actually feel a little bit better." Paisley answers. I don't know how true that was but she still has those shiny, tears eyes.

"Please don't lie to please me."

"I'm not," She replies.

"Tell me how you feel." I say.

"I feel.. Emotionless." she replies, really trying to think of what emotion she's feeling.

"You feel nothing?" I ask.

"Empty and that's it right now. It's better than before."

"How are your muscles?" I ask.

"Sore, I guess" she shrugs. She looks slightly better, but she still has watery eyes.

"Stay there." I tell her as I rush down the stairs to get her panadol. I bring up a glass of water and two mugs of hot chocolate on a plate. She takes her panadol and then the mug of hot chocolate. I sit down next to her and wrap one arm around her, holding my mug in the other.

She rests her head on my shoulder as we slowly drink our hot chocolate. When we are both finished I look to see she has a chocolate mark on her top lip. I can't help but let out a small laugh as I cup my hand on her face and wipe the chocolate off her lip with my thumb. She has her lips slowly parted so I just take the opportunity to kiss her. Her lips taste so sweet and chocolatey that I just don't want to stop, so I don't. I am stuck in a daydream until she pushes me away.

"I love you." I blurt out, I'm going to make a habit of telling her every chance I get.

Paisley just nods, and looks down at the ring on her left hand. I'm so glad she didn't lose the ring, but she didn't say I love you back again.

PAISLEYS POV:

I don't know what's happening, I don't feel anything. I didn't get butterflies when Ethan kissed me, but I don't feel anything any time. I just feel numb, emotionless. I don't feel tired, happy, sad, depressed, upset, angry, hurt or anything. Just nothing. I want to tell him I love him, but right now it doesn't seem like the truth.