Let Yourself Fall // sequel to My Ethan Karpathy

Chapter 53.

PAISLEYS POV:

That's it. Jai knows. Ethan is going to be really mad if he finds out Jai knew before he did. I don't know how to tell him, I don't want to do this. I can't raise a baby, not with Ethan, definitely not on my own. I want to run away, I don't want this baby. I'm 15, I wasn't even supposed to have sex. I'm still sitting on the bathroom floor, wrapped up in Jai's arms. I know we need to get out soon or Ethan's going to realise something's up. I can disguise my crying as another crying fit, that's not the problem. I can't get this fucking baby off of my mind, I just can't keep it. I don't want to wake up with a big pregnant belly and know I'm never going to have a good body again. I'll have stretch marks and that's not a quality a model can have. I've not only ruined Ethan's life, but I've ruined mine.

"We need to get out." I say, pulling away from Jai and wiping my cheeks. He grabs some toilet paper and dries my eyes for me, flushing it when he's done.

"Just look at me. No-, look at me." he stutters, eventually using one finger to guide my chin to look at him.

"Paisley, everything is going to work out, I promise he will be there for you. If for some crazy reason he runs, wait, and if he doesn't come back, I will be here. He might just want some time to process, he might just go for a walk. So if he leaves right after he finds out, don't worry. You call me, and I'll be right here, okay?" He says. I nod and shakily stand up. We walk back into the lounge room and I try to ignore Ethan's worried stare. As soon as I sit back down, I can tell Ethan feels awkward. He knows he's missing something, but he doesn't know how to ask.

"We need to talk." he whispers into my hair.

I just shake my head a little and then pretend like I heard nothing. I hear him sigh but then he holds me in both of his arms. I think I fall asleep like that, because I don't remember anything else.

***

When I wake up, I'm still laying on Ethan. It's broad daylight though, and Chris and Jai aren't here. I realise I must've slept through the night and I look to see Ethan sleeping peacefully. His mouth slightly open, his chest rising and falling steadily with each breath. His breaths suddenly become sharper and I swear I felt him flinch. I think he's having a bad dream. I cup his cheek in my hand and rub small circles on his cheek. He slowly wakes up and smiles half heartedly when he sees me.

"Morning," I whisper. It seems weird to speak out loud after you just woke up.

"Hey." he says with a small yawn.

I say nothing but stare into his eyes. They seem so shiny and happy, I can't ruin that happiness. But I have ruined that happiness. Ethan's phone starts to ring on the coffee table. He reaches over and answers if sleepily. His eyes snap open when he realises something.

"Oh yeah, sorry man. Thanks so much. See you in ten." he says, hanging up.

"Brai. I forgot we were supposed to be going in today. His mum is going to pick me up in ten." he explains, hugging me as he stands up, lifting me with him. He's really strong, I don't give him enough credit for that.

"Oh, okay." I say. I hope I didn't sound disappointed. Ethan runs up to his room, me in tow. He quickly changes his shirt, but doesn't bother with his shorts. He walks over to me and gives me a quick kiss.

"I'll see you this afternoon, okay?" He tells me, kissing my cheek again.

"Alright. I'll be here." I sigh, following him as he walks to the door. I hear a car horn, Brai must be here.

"See ya." he says quickly, kissing me one more time as he disappears out the door

I sigh, looking around for something to do. I spot my guitar, hiding in the corner behind the couch. I haven't played that in a while, so I walk over to the couch, move it out the way so I can get through and grab the guitar. I carry it up the stairs and sit in the middle of the music room. It's not really a music room, but we call it that because Ethan comes in here to practise. It's really the spare room, but we ended up storing most of our musical gear and stuff in here. We also put the piano in the corner. I play a bit of piano and a bit of guitar as well as singing. I realise how long it's been since I sang. Better late then never, though, right?I sit down on the little stool and start to strum the first chords of one of my favourite songs; Emblem3, 3000 miles. I used to listen to this song a lot. It used to remind me of my dad, and how he was so far away.