ETHANS POV:
I feel so bad. I shouldn't have yelled at her, I should've stayed with her. I went for a walk out the front. Well, it wasn't really a walk. I more like paced back and forward along the front veranda. I didn't want to go too far away from Paisley just in case. I go back inside when I start to get cold, unfold the blanket from beside the couch and sit down, wrapping it around me. I lay down on the couch and try to fall asleep. I don't want to go back up there right now.
***
When I wake up again, the sun is just beginning to rise. A flood of guilt washes over me as I remember last night. It wasn't all my fault. How could she just decide that without even mentioning it to me once? I know she's carrying it and all, but it's not just her baby. I have to admit, though, deep down, I know aborting it will be the best thing to do. If I'm being perfectly honest with myself, I don't want this baby at this age. When we're old and ready, I will jump at the chance. But now, it just won't work. I decide I need to be a man and apologise. I get an idea which I hope is going to make it special. I don't want to continue this argument, so it's better to just back out now. I run upstairs as quietly as possible since it was probably only 6:00am and grab Paisley's guitar out of the music room, then carry it downstairs.
I only know a few chords, but I can play the song I have in mind. I love this song so much, it explains everything I'm feeling. It seems like we sing to each other a lot, but it's our special way of communicating. Most people will think it's stupid, but I think it's perfect. Music is one of our strongest connections, we were brought together by music. I stare at the wall as my entire life with Paisley flashes by in fast motion in my head. We have had an interesting life, but we always seem to get through somehow. We've had great times, sad times, fun times, depressing times, you name it, we've had it. I see now that we've had so many happy and fun moments together. I see that she really does love me, not Jai. And that makes me about the happiest guy in the world.
Paisley comes down the stairs, snapping me out of my thoughts. She's wearing a tshirt and leggings, but she still looks amazing. As she gets closer, I see the black make up stains under her eyes and down her cheeks. I can tell she's been crying all night. She hasn't seen me sitting on the floor yet, so I start to strum.
"Across the ocean, across the sea,
Starting to forget the way you look at me now
Over the mountains, across the sky,
Need to see your face, I need to look in your eyes." She sees me after the first line and comes over, sitting on the floor in front of me.
"Through the storm and through the clouds
Bumps on the road and upside down now
I know it's hard, babe, to sleep at night
Don't you worry
'cause everything's gonna be alright, ai-ai-ai-aight
Be alright, ai-ai-ai-aight
Through the sorrow, and the fights,
Don't you worry
'cause everything's gonna be alright, ai-ai-ai-aight
Be alright, ai-ai-ai-aight
All alone, in my room
Waiting for your phone call to come soon
And for you, oh, I would walk a thousand miles,
To be in your arms, holding my heart
Oh, I,
Oh, I,
I love you
And everything's gonna be alright, ai-ai-ai-aight
Be alright, ai-ai-ai-aight
Through the long nights
And the bright lights
Don't you worry
'cause everything's gonna be alright, ai-ai-ai-aight
Be alright, ai-ai-ai-aight
You know that I care for you
I'll always be there for you
I promise I will stay right here, yeah
I know that you want me too,
Baby we can make it through anything
'Cause everything's gonna be alright, ai-ai-ai-aight
Be alright, ai-ai-ai-aight." I sing, concentrating on placing my fingers on the correct strings.
For the last chorus, she joins in a perfect harmony. Our voices just blend perfectly as we end the song.
"Through the sorrow, and the fights,
Don't you worry
'cause everything's gonna be alright, ai-ai-ai-aight
Be alright, ai-ai-ai-aight
Through the sorrow, and the fights,
Don't you worry
Everything's gonna be alright."
"Ethan, I'm so sorry." she whispers the second I put down the guitar.
"Don't be. I'm sorry." I half lie. I sort of feel like she should be, but the other half doesn't want her to feel bad.
"No, I need to talk to you before I make that decision. So we're going to." she states firmly, crossing her legs and pulling them into her. She wiggles around a bit until she's comfy.
"Firstly, how much is it?" I ask.
"400-500 dollars for this early in pregnancy. I will pay for it, but-" she starts but I cut her off.
"No way would you pay it by yourself. Do you know how much money I am getting payed for this contract?" I tell her, holding out my arms in an invitation for her to come closer.
She crawls forward and into my lap, wrapping her arms around my neck and letting her legs bend out in front of her. I hold her up by wrapping my arms around her back.
"Ethan. I need you to promise you are going to tell me nothing but the truth." she says, staring right into my eyes.
"I promise?" I say, although it comes out more as a question. I study her make up stained cheeks and try to wipe some of it off with my thumb. It doesn't work.
"Do you want a baby with me?" She asks, barely audible. I hesitate.
"Paisley, I-I, I do.. But not at this age." I stutter, feeling so bad.
"Okay. Do you want to keep this baby?" She whispers, running a hand softly through the back of my hair.
"Do you?"
"I'm asking you." she replies with no hesitation.
"I honestly don't know, Paisley. If I'm being honest with not only you, but myself, I know that we can't do this. Not at this age." I answer truthfully.
"Do you?" I add, rubbing small circles on her back.
She shakes her head slowly.
"Do you want it to be aborted? Everything can continue as normal and nothing will be wrong?" she asks. I can tell she's studying my expression by the way her eyes are flickering around.
"Paisley, I think that's the best thing to do." I whisper, resting my forehead on hers.
"Okay, I'll make an appointment. You know we're going to have to tell Holly, right?" She says, actually looking sort of scared.
"Just tell her with a sob story. Lots of tears and she won't be mad." I half joke, but knowing it will work. She smiles a bit then replies.
"That shouldn't be too hard."
YOU ARE READING
Let Yourself Fall // sequel to My Ethan Karpathy
FanfictionSEQUL TO 'MY ETHAN KARPATHY' ~ Brai is too awesome ~ Paisley and Ethan are in love, it's been a year since they moved to Western Australia. Ethan, well, he's been loving every moment of it. His music career goes sky high, he gets to hang out with C...
