Lost Too Much 【REDONE】 ║ Daryl/OC or Shane/OC

Chapter 86: This world gave me a purpose.

TRIGGER WARNING: HEAVY TALK OF ATTEMPTED SUICIDE, SLUT-SHAMING, VICTIM-BLAMING, AND R*PE
PLEASE DO NOT RISK YOUR MENTAL HEALTH TO READ THIS.

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(9-113 AV) I've spent probably twenty minutes trying to do the math to figure out today's date. Not just the day number, but the actual date. I went off of the start for Cory, which she said was February 26th, 2010. If I've done the math right and have been keeping track of the days correctly, that would put us in mid-June in 2019. That thought is crazy to me. It would be sometime close to Michelle's birthday, according to her.

I never would've thought when this started that we'd still be in it 9 years later. It wouldn't technically be 9 years for most of us yet, since Cory and the Dixons had a head-start. Apparently, the virus had been spreading around us for half a year and only small towns got the news to hide. Big cities like Atlanta were probably on closer watch, probably containing people with information and ridding of people with the virus before anyone noticed something was off. The day it went to the public news was crazy.

I went to see Rick when I heard the news. The hospital was crazy, the military shooting people in the hallways like it was normal. I tried to wake Rick up but it didn't work. then the building started crumbling and his machine turned off. I believed he was dead after that, no heartbeat or anything. I remember running to Lori and Carl the second I realized what was going on. They didn't have Rick to protect them and I wanted to make sure they were alive.

We found our way to the Atlanta camp, hoping it would be safe in the mountains. The Dixons were already there when we showed up and they tried to kick us out, but we weren't the only ones with the same idea. There were too many of us for them to take out so we stayed. Me being a cop, people looked to me for help. I eventually ended up in charge, but people like Ed Peletier challenged it.

Lori and I turned into something and I hadn't meant for it to happen. I felt guilty, both because of Rick and because Lori was grieving. Truthfully, I don't think I was in the right headspace either. Either way, it happened and the second Rick came home, I knew it had to end. It was hard after I had actually developed real feelings for her. She left me immediately, which is completely understandable since we were both under the impression Rick was dead.

Then we got to the CDC, and everything changed. I remember Cory walking out from behind that truck so vividly in my head. She had come to convince us the CDC was an option, that Rick was right when he saw that camera move. I was frustrated and scared for my people and I decided there wasn't time to figure out if they were crazy or not. I know I was hostile with Cory right off the bat but the way she immediately fought back made me realize she wasn't just some girl. She was strong and I was no match for her. Turned out she was right and we ended up in the CDC, anyway.

That night, I was all over the place. I was still hurt from losing Lori, embarrassed after Cory proved to the group I was being an asshole, and overall just had way too much to drink. What I did to Lori and what I tried to do, it's something that lives in the back of my head even to this day. I know it was wrong, but at the time, I was hurt and thought I could still get her back. I'll never be more grateful than I am for the fact that Cory stopped me. I had almost made a mistake that could've ended my life. Cory prevented it and managed to still see me as a human being despite what she witnessed.

When I decided I wanted to leave, I only told Cory to warn her. I knew she'd have something to say about it even though we were barely friends at that point. I had grown fond of her quickly and pretty much dropped what feelings I had left for Lori. I still wanted to leave for the sake of making things right after what I had almost done. I wanted Lori to feel safe again and I wanted her to be able to fix things with Rick. I only struggled with the decision once Cory continuously told me how much she wanted me to stay. I even told Lori myself that I was losing Cory when I left but still wanted to do so. I grew attached to Cory way too quickly and that was the dangerous thing. I didn't realize until it was obvious to everyone around us that I had feelings for her. She was the reason I got over Lori so fast. I realized someone other than Lori cared about me and I had no reason to keep going after someone I couldn't have.