Lost Too Much 【REDONE】 ║ Daryl/OC or Shane/OC

Chapter 105: I didn't like being alone back then.

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(12-364 AV --- 4,744 AV) Yesterday, I wrote my letter to Conner. It put me in a sour mood the rest of the day. The point of these is to get closure in a way, but it didn't feel like that this time. It reminded me of some parts of my life that I had pushed back, like my time in Woodbury and the beginning of my time in Alexandria. For that, I think I have to talk to Titus and Hannah and really put my thoughts to rest.

Dear Hannah,

It's been so incredibly long since you died. I've always felt partially responsible for it happening. I don't know if you'd blame me, but I know I definitely did. We pulled your dad out of the house for a mission, and while we were gone, you were grabbed by a walker. Hearing that news through a note you dad sent me made it difficult to swallow. Not being able to see his face or hear his voice made me wonder if he blamed me or not.

You were so sweet. You took care of your brother and helped your dad. You were strong after losing your mom. I think you'd have grown up to be one of our stronger fighters if you hadn't passed. I wish we could've talked more, that I could've been around more for you guys.

I got to visit your grave, more than once. Conner brought us back after your father died. Always know that we didn't forget about you. Conner definitely didn't. And if there's something after death, I hope all of you have found each other.

Dear Titus,

I want to be nice. I want to get closure, but I can't help feeling so angry at you, even after a decade has passed. You chose to leave us. You chose to give up. I know it's not easy, and I know that sometimes, you just lose the fight against yourself, but that doesn't mean I have to forgive you for it. You gave up on Conner. He needed you. And judging by your note, you had planned on giving up for a long time. I guess I have to be grateful you waited until you knew Conner would be okay. You also didn't know Carl would die the day after, but I can't put that on you.

You took me in when I got to Woodbury. You were the one person there that I always trusted. I could tell you anything, and you put your trust in me, too. when I decided to leave, you were the only person I told. I didn't want you to worry. And I later learned that you kept it a secret, even to Merle, no matter what they threatened you with. You were loyal, for sure. That was one of my favorite things about you.

And then Hannah died. And you took Conner and you left. I wish we could've spoken before then, that I could've convinced you to stay at the prison with us, but I guess it worked out. Seeing you in Alexandria after all that time was like a breath of fresh air. You took me in for a second time. I don't know if I ever told you how grateful I was that you were there. You were the proof I needed in order to trust this place at first.

You were there for me when things got rough, too. I had that breakdown about Phillip and you literally took me all the way back to Woodbury to prove to me that I was stronger than I knew. You took me to Porterdale to show me how far I had come. Maybe it took a while to fully set in, but that trip did a lot for me in the long run. I just wish you were here to see what a difference you made in me.

I have to say it, too. I'm sorry that I failed you. I'm sorry for what happened to Conner. I promised to protect him and I let my guard down. We lost him. I wouldn't blame you if you hated me for it. I wouldn't blame you if you hated me for what happened to Hannah, either. I just hope you don't.

Rest in Peace, Hannah and Titus Olsen.

-CJ
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