Lost Too Much 【REDONE】 ║ Daryl/OC or Shane/OC

Chapter 65: You usually know when I'm not okay, don't you?

>>>
(2-023 AV --- 753 AV) It's been a rough couple of weeks. Last time I wrote, it was the morning after I talked to Daryl about the break-up. I thought shit was complicated then. Almost immediately after, my water broke and I gave birth to Eddie later that night. After that, I stayed put in the Kingdom for a good few days. Clark did some running, trying his absolute best to make sure we had everything we needed. He even went to Hilltop to talk to the doctor and he and the Augusts traveled to Alexandria to let everyone know I had given birth. He really did a lot for me.

Besides that, the war finally happened. Rick asked me to stay put and relax but I obviously couldn't do that. Carol and I managed to convince Ezekiel to join the war, and Clark and I headed in early on to place ourselves as snipers so we wouldn't be seen by any Saviors. A group called Oceanside ended up giving up some guns for the fight but wouldn't join in, while some people called the Scavengers actually came to join us. Wish they didn't, though, because we found out when the Saviors showed up that the Scavengers had actually made a deal with them against us. Whole thing was a mess, but ultimately we took out a lot of them and they ran off back to the Sanctuary. However, Sasha died in the midst of it all. It didn't seem like it had been planned. Negan had her in a coffin but he was talking to her like she was alive, so I guess that wasn't part of what he wanted to happen. Either way, when he opened it and her walker came out, all hell broke loose.

By the end of it, Merle had snuck off from the Saviors and Shane had disappeared. He left a note saying 'Gotta help Merle' and just took off. To this day, we still haven't found either of them, and it's taken a huge toll on me emotionally, as well as Daryl and Clark, too, and probably everyone in some way. It's just been a shitty reminder of how horrible things had been the last time both of them were gone from our lives, when I was losing my mind at the prison. Of course, now I don't have Daryl to really help me through it, but I have Edwin and Clark, as well as Conner, too, though I don't plan on looking to Conner for moral support. Titus died yesterday.

Right after Conner and Carl left town to do some target practice, we heard a single gunshot. I went over to ask Titus if he knew what was going on, and it turned out it had come from him in his bedroom. He left notes for me, Conner, and the town. From what I read of mine, Titus said he did what he did because he lost the strength to keep going way at the beginning. Losing his wife destroyed him but he held on for his kids. After Hannah died, he kept going for as long as he could for Conner's sake, but once the group and I got to Alexandria, he felt certain Conner would be looked after properly. That trip we took back to Woodbury and Porterdale was some sort of test or movement for Titus to make sure I was strong for his son. He wants Conner to be raised into a strong person, someone stronger than what Titus thought he could raise him. It's hurt like hell to not have Titus here, and Conner didn't take the news well, obviously. Still I'm going to be here for him. I can't be stupid and make dumb choices anymore. I have two boys to look after.

Conner and I are about to head back to Woodbury. It was his idea. He said he wants to go back and see his old home and while I reminded him multiple times of what had happened to Woodbury, the place being burnt down entirely, he still wanted to go back and I couldn't take that away from him. Clark's going to watch Eddie until we get back. After this trip, I'm done passing Eddie off. I need to be more responsible.

This whole thing, losing Titus especially, reminds me that he was the one to give me the idea about writing letters to the people we lost. I don't think I'll write his here. He deserves an entry completely dedicated to him. Still, I have a few people I haven't written to. I still haven't done Phillip's entry and frankly, I'm afraid for the day I get to that. There's the entire Monroe family, the Anderson family, Noah, Olivia, Nicholas, now Sasha, and Titus. Again, Deanna will probably get her own entry, too. Maybe I'll do the rest of the Monroe family.