Lost Too Much 【REDONE】 ║ Daryl/OC or Shane/OC

Chapter 19: You didn't lose me, and you're never gonna.

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(DAY 433) We cleared out Cellblock C yesterday, got everyone inside safely. This morning, a small group went out to look for the cafeteria and infirmary, but they found something a little unexpected. There were five prisoners in there, and the only one I picked up the name of was Tomas. He's an asshole, by the way.

Let's go back a little. This morning, I was looking at the gear, then I talked to Hershel for a minute, and when I went back to the gear, Rick told me he didn't want me going out with the rest of them through the halls, wanted me to take charge of the group. Apparently, he doesn't think I'm sane anymore. I went to my cell, and I asked Daryl what he thought about it, and he also thinks something's wrong with me in my head. He probably really thinks it now because when he was leaving, I fucking kissed him on the cheek. That's weird for us.

Besides that, I sat in the main room for a little bit and contemplated life and then they came back with Hershel's leg half-chopped off. He got bit during the adventure, apparently. Then the five prisoners came waltzing into the main room, and we were all pointing guns and weapons at each other, and Tomas started getting pissy with me and we got into a little argument. Rick came in and took over, and they all headed outside, so I grabbed my journal and headed out to the field outside. On the way out, though, Tomas grabbed my ass and started objectifying me, and then Daryl jumped in and started arguing with him, so I interrupted by grabbing Tomas by the balls and threatening to kill him.

I also briefly brought Shane into it without going too into detail, and I've been realizing recently that it's ridiculous for me to be this hurt over losing someone. First, I barely knew him. Sure, we were friends and I liked him, and recently I realized I might've fucking loved him because of how much it's hurting me. But still, I only knew him for around 20 days. I shouldn't be this distraught 7 months later. God, Beth lost a boyfriend and family friend the same night and she hadn't said a word about it since then. She doesn't even seem upset anymore. No one else seems upset by any loss other than me. Maybe that's because everyone else has someone. I don't.

Yes, I do. I have Daryl. I've had Daryl for more than a third of my life. Daryl's my family now. And of course, I made it awkward by kissing his cheek. He hasn't seemed disturbed by it yet but I'm worried what will happen when all this prisoner stuff dials down. I wouldn't know what to do if I lost Daryl. I don't have much else going for me here. If Daryl would die somehow, I'd probably head back to Woodbury. If not, maybe I'd just kill myself. No, I couldn't do that. I couldn't do that until I at least confirmed that Merle was dead. If Merle's still alive somewhere, I wouldn't want to kill myself and never see him again. Andrea as well. She's probably still out there.

Now I'm crying. That's great. Maybe I should go back inside and help out with the group like Rick asked me to.

Signing out,
Cory Jenner
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I shut the journal again, realizing that if I wanted Rick to believe I was okay mentally, I needed to act like it. Sitting alone and ignoring my duties was not going to help that. I was crying now, though, which wasn't completely controllable lately. I had been really emotional the past few months, obviously, but showing up at the prison was reminding me often of the times Merle was in jail and how different things had been since then. For one, I hadn't seen Merle in over a year, so that changed.

I picked up my things, gathering my weapons, journal, and pen in hand, but nearly stopped and dropped it all when I noticed that a person had joined me where I was sitting. I almost stopped breathing. So many emotions took over me. I set all of my things back on the ground while trying to comprehend who I was looking at. I knew, and I knew on the spot who he was. I just couldn't believe it.