Lost Too Much 【REDONE】 ║ Daryl/OC or Shane/OC

Chapter 72: No sense in us hurting each other.

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(DAY 160) After everyone saw me drinking that night with bloodshot and puffy eyes, it got around the town. People figured out that something had happened, and Phillip confirmed the next morning that I had miscarried. Since then, we've both been distant with each other. He slept over at Paul's for a good few nights after that. He just came back two nights ago. We haven't said a word to each other besides things involving the town, like him reminding me to start back on my duties again.

I wouldn't be surprised if he was mad at me, and I honestly wouldn't blame him. I got his hopes up with the idea of a new child, but it died. It died the same time my ability to feel happiness died. He should be angry at me if he isn't already.

I don't know what to do anymore. I've slept a lot since it happened, but I still feel like I haven't shut my eyes for months. Speaking of months, we're about 5 months into this shit now. My birthday should be coming up. I'm going to be 34 soon. Yay. Glad I'll end up spending my birthday hating my life and ruing 151 AZ.

I really badly want to fix things with Phillip. I know it's my fault, but I don't want to lose him, too. I can't lose him. If I lose him I'll have nothing left. I'll have no reason to stay here. Fuck, I'll barely have a reason to live. We aren't even married yet.

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I talked to him. I waited inside all day for him to come home and he finally got here late at night. I talked to him, told him I'm sorry, that I'm okay if he's angry with me and that he can hate me all he wants but I don't want to lose him because of this. He looked almost pissed after I said that. He said something like, "How could I ever be angry at you? I'm sure it hurts you more than it hurts me. It's not like you meant to have a miscarriage, Sweetheart. Don't ever think for a second that I could hate you for anything."

We're okay now. We laid in bed together for a couple minutes to calm down, but all I could feel was him shaking. After a little bit, he got up out of nowhere and stormed to the bathroom, and he hasn't come out since. I don't know if he suddenly got a rush of anger or if it's something else, but I'm worried. I love him too much now.

I can't lose him too.

Signing out,
Corynn Elaine August (Jenner)
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I chopped up a cucumber into slices and arranged them decoratively on a colorful plate alongside the carrots and apple slices I had placed already. Finally finished with lunch, I set the plate on Eddie's highchair and moved Conner and I's sandwiches to the coffee table. I was just about to go upstairs and see if they were awake when they instead came down the stairs surprising me just as much as I surprised them.

"You're home again?" Conner questioned in an astonished tone. He held Eddie on his hip casually. "You were just here yesterday."

"Yeah. I just got here about twenty minutes ago. Clark and I traveled through the night," I informed him, "but I'm gonna stick around for a bit."

"It's dangerous moving in the dark. Why would you do that?" he asked me. I was reluctant to answer, afraid to admit that things within my headspace had regressed, but I decided I couldn't keep it from him.

"There was an incident with the Saviors. Some of them," I told him as I took Eddie out of his arms, placing him in his highchair. "After Justin died, they were angry. Two of them grabbed Carol and me in the woods for the sake of getting guns for protection when they took off. I didn't take it very well so I'm giving myself a day off."