Lost Too Much 【REDONE】 ║ Daryl/OC or Shane/OC

Chapter 59: Their lives are on the line because of me.

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(DAY 055) I forgot to write about what happened after I went to Phillip's. Okay, I may have lost the journal for a couple days. Titus found it under my old dresser while cleaning up. And by old dresser, I mean the one in Titus's house. I moved out.

Phillip told me that night about what happened to the woman that died, and why he was so hesitant to tell me anything. I also found out why he had me sleepover but not for a date. Okay, the woman died because a geek got into the town and grabbed her in an alley at night. The reason he didn't want me to know is that he didn't want me to think I wasn't safe here. He wanted me to feel like I could live normally and not be in constant fear, and I regret being angry at him for keeping it a secret because that's honestly such a sweet reason. He then told me that he asked me to stay over for the night because he wanted me nearby in case another one got in. He wanted to protect me, basically.

I couldn't hold it in after I learned all that. I did it. I told Phillip how much I love him and appreciate him and need him in my life. The hugest grin grew on his face and it was so cute I almost started crying. He told me he loved me too, and then he proposed that I bring all my stuff and move in with him so he can make sure nothing ever happens to me. Though I'm sure I could protect myself perfectly fine, I agreed to it. I didn't really have much to pack, just some clothes and a couple personal things, so I slept over and he helped me bring everything to our house the next day. And now we live together. But I noticed quickly that I forgot my journal and I hadn't told Phillip about the journal yet, so I secretly asked Titus to keep an eye out for it. He found it and brought it over while Phillip was out of the house. And now I've updated all that happened in the last entry.

Other than that, nothing too crazy went down. We had a funeral for that woman and buried her, and things went back to normal shortly after. He lied to everyone about what happened, said that she had contracted a non-contagious illness that no one had known about and quietly passed away. No one seemed to think anything of it, which is a relief. I, on the other hand, wish he would've been truthful and told everyone about the geek break-in so they would be a little more careful. I didn't tell Phillip that, obviously. I learned about myself that I thought things through a lot, but I didn't have the balls to suggest better ideas.

Sometimes, I remember that my initial use for writing in this journal was to just track every event that happened in case no one else in the world was. I wanted to keep track of everything going on in my life until the day I died, considering the fact that it could be soon if I wasn't careful enough. But that wasn't really what I ended up using this for. It became more like a place to keep track of my emotions and everything dramatic I encountered. It became more like a best friend that I could complain to about all my problems to figure them out. This journal was almost like my way of replacing Merle. It would never actually fill the gap that he left in my life, but it took the same role as he did. This journal is here for me to work things out, just like Merle always was. Merle was there for more than that, though. Merle could talk back. Merle could take me out to drink and make me laugh and feel better. This journal just listens, nothing else.

I can't fucking wait to see him again. Part of me thinks that maybe I'm getting my hopes too high about him and Daryl. Part of me knows there's a high chance that neither of them made it. But the other part of me refuses to acknowledge it. The other part wants to believe that someday, the best day of my life, we're all gonna find each other and there will be a huge reunion and we'll all live together in Woodbury. My perfect life... anything I could get from it, I was going to get. Phillip was the man from my perfect life. This was the perfect neighborhood. There were kids playing in the street. All I needed was Merle and Daryl. I couldn't get their parents back, or mine, but I could get the rest of it. I could get the perfect people, anyways. I couldn't get Merle and Daryl their jobs, or fix the world's problems, but I could get my perfect family and my perfect friends. I just had to find Merle and Daryl.