Lost Too Much 【REDONE】 ║ Daryl/OC or Shane/OC

Chapter 18: You're not right in the head anymore.

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(DAY 229) Things got a little hectic after my last 'real' entry. The day of Dale's funeral, things went downhill as the day went on, and it's kind of a long story. We're hiding in a house right now, so I've finally gotten a chance to explain.

After the funeral, we started prepping things for the winter, moving stuff into the farmhouse and assigning new jobs. I was told to watch Shane, go on runs with Glenn, and help Hershel keep things together when Rick was out. A little bit later, I was sitting outside alone and got grabbed by Clark Terrence. He held a gun to my head, choked me, and shouted shit about Merle and Daryl not caring about me, all that good shit, and eventually, I got the gun from him and started yelling back. When he ran off, I shot him a couple times, wanting him to suffer instead of just killing him, which I realized later was a bad plan.

I ran inside and Shane chased me, and we got into another infamous argument. He kept telling me he cared about me and needed me, so much good shit that I kept ignoring and thinking he was lying about. I went and took a nap, and when I woke up, things had gone to hell. The barn was lit on fire, walkers had swarmed the property, and the group was all panicked. To make a long story short, Patricia and Jimmy died, and I thought Andrea had as well, which was devastating, but after we all met up again I found out that she could potentially still be alive somewhere. But I did notice that Shane was missing, and I found out that night that he had died, bitten by Clark as a walker. Shane had planned on leaving that night before he got bit, and he had a letter written for me that Rick gave me, along with his '22' necklace. I haven't taken it off since.

Like Merle's note on Day 001, I'll just let it in here.

❝ Darling, it's been a wild journey. We've gone back and forth from hating each other and being best friends since the second we met. Assuming everything went as planned, I'm long gone. I wrote this right after our little fight, after Clark held you at gun point and all that, I'm sure you remember. You just ran to take a nap, and I'm a little destroyed by what you said, that we're no good for each other. But... you're right. We're toxic when we're together. Still, I have something to say.

Well, first... thank you so much for taking care of me. You've been here for me despite what an asshole I've always been. I've never had someone care so much about me, and it's really painful knowing I'll never see you again. Still, I have to go. It's for the best, and apparently, you don't need me, so I'm hoping it'll hurt you less than it hurts me.

I'm sorry I've treated you like shit since we've met, and I'm sorry I'm leaving after I told you I'd stay. I just had to go. But... if you remember that thing I kept saying I wanted to talk about, I'm just gonna tell you. I like you, okay. I like you a whole lot more than I thought I physically could like a person. Despite how much you piss me off, it just shows me more that you mean so much to me, and I realized the day you told me about Lori's pregnancy, when you told me it would hurt you if I left, that I really, really like you. I have since then, and I wanted to tell you so many times, even when we were fighting on the road and you slapped me. I could never tell if you felt the same, but that's mostly because we're so bipolar with how we go back and forth that it's hard to ever tell what kind of relationship we have.

I cried the night we fought. When you fell asleep in the car, I cried. I felt like a monster for yelling at you and for everything I had ever done to you. After that night, I tried so hard to make sure we never fought again. And as far as I know, we didn't until just a couple minutes ago. I wish I could've made it up to you sooner, to have stopped chickening out and that I just would've told you I like you, but I need to leave the group now. I'm asking Rick to go with me to look for Clark, make sure he dies and doesn't make it somewhere and somehow survive, and after we find him, I'm gonna leave. I plan to ask Rick to give you this letter, my necklace that you asked about this morning, and explain what had happened. I hope you can forgive me for leaving.