Lost Too Much 【REDONE】 ║ Daryl/OC or Shane/OC

Chapter 7: All of it is my fault.

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(DAY 049) A woman died yesterday. I know, how abrupt and out of nowhere and blunt. But that's what it felt like. I didn't know her all that well. I saw her face before while Phillip and I were out getting wine for one of our dates. I guess she was the one in charge of distributing it. I said about three words to her that day, and then she died yesterday. Out of nowhere. She wasn't old. She didn't have health concerns. No one knows how she died other than the man who found her, and of course, Phillip. I asked Phillip, but he said he can't tell me yet. I'm a little mad that he doesn't want me to know, but he also said 'yet', so I'm subsiding it for now.

Part of me believes that there's a large reason he's keeping it a secret. He told Martinez, but not me. What could possibly have happened that he thinks I can't know? I'm getting angry for ridiculous reasons. I need to calm down and not take this out on him. He's the leader, it's his job to make the decisions. I knew that when I got involved with him. I can't be mad at him for doing his job. I think I'm more so angry because I really want to know what happened to her and can't figure it out, less so at the fact that he knows and won't say.

I'm gonna go talk to Martinez about it. I don't know, I doubt he'll tell me what happened, but maybe I can find out why Phillip won't tell me.

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And Martinez wouldn't tell me anything. I asked what happened and he said it was secret. I asked why it was secret, and he said that he couldn't tell me why it was so confidential without telling me what happened. So that was a bust.

Phillip is having me stay over tonight, not for a date but he couldn't tell me why. This time, I am a little offended. This actually does have to do with me and it's something between us, not the town, so it can't be justified because of him being the leader. I don't know, but I'm not going to get too mad yet because he may have a good reason. I did say just in the last entry that I decided I loved him, so I'm obviously thinking too much into this to actually be this upset. I'm just gonna go see him tonight, talk to him and tell him my feelings about all this shit, and see how it goes.

Aside from all that, I started missing Merle a lot over the course of the past few days. I don't know what happened. I ignored the pain of losing him for a good while, and I spent most of the past month or so just remembering things about him and reminiscing in all our good memories. I miss him being around all the time, and I miss Daryl too, but Merle and I really had this irreplaceable relationship that I just can't describe with words. It's only been 49 days since we found out about the virus and split up. I still have faith that he'll find me, but I wish it would be sooner.

I don't know, but I have nothing else to say for today, so I'm gonna go.

Signing out,
Corynn Elaine August (Jenner)
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Otis and I had driven in complete silence the whole way to the high school, other than for the first ten minutes when we sculpted a plan for when we got there. I was still tired as all hell, and I was starting to think coming along was a shitty idea. I was too tired to run, too much to get out of a bad situation if one arose. I should've stayed behind and let someone else go with him. Damn me for being worried.

Otis stopped the truck a little bit away from the school. That was part of our plan - to walk a little so the walkers wouldn't hear the truck pull in and give them a heads up that we were there. I didn't like the part of having to walk, but I did it anyway. It was dark by the time we arrived in the parking lot. We both had our guns out and in front of us as we prepared for whatever we were going to battle.