Lost Too Much 【REDONE】 ║ Daryl/OC or Shane/OC

Chapter 43: Maybe we're just too hard to figure out.

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(DAY 057) Since I moved in with Phillip, things are so much better. I feel better every day because I know that every morning, I wake up next to him, and at the end of the day, we go to sleep in the same bed. It might sound like I'm being creepy and obsessive, but I don't mean it like that. I just love him so much and having him in my life makes me a happier person overall. It's only been a month-ish since we started dating, 36 days since I'm keeping count of the days here.

Honestly, though, nothing is changing much lately. It's getting repetitive again. Just wake up, go to my shift with Martinez/Paul, go help the doctors, go back for my 2nd shift with Martinez/Paul, teach gun classes with whoever is free, and then help out in the kitchen some days. Then I go back home, wait for Phillip to finish all his duties, and depending on how long his day was, we either just go to sleep or do something romantic or... you know... Last night was about the third time we've had sex since we got together. I feel like it gets better every time.

Merle would be so proud of me. This is the first relationship in a long time that's lasted more than a month and wasn't all based on the guy wanting to have sex with me. I've always hated that about relationships. If I get even the slightest hint that a guy wants to have sex with me within the first week of the relationship, I know it isn't going to last.

I don't know if ever told the story about my first time. It's kind of weird to be writing about in a journal that could potentially be used to study the time period, but I'm gonna do it anyways. Without going into immense detail, my first time was pretty damn good. Granted, it was painful and wasn't really all that romantic, but it was good. It was with someone I wasn't involved with, and I'll admit it, I was 24 years old. Yes, I was a virgin throughout high school and my first time was when I was 24, and with someone I wasn't dating or romantically interested in. It was just someone who cared about me and wanted me to have a good, comfortable first time. Take a wild guess of who it was. Yes, it was, in fact, Merle Dixon.

We had only been friends for 2 years, which was why it wasn't such a weird idea. If it were now, it would be a little different. But back then, I had told him I was still a virgin and that I was always scared for my first time. I always heard from the girls in high school that it hurt the first couple times, and I wasn't ever ready when the opportunity presented itself. I'm relieved it was only Merle and me in the room when we talked about it because now that I'm thinking, it was kinda embarrassing. But anyways, after I went on and said that I was worried I'd die a virgin, Merle came up with a suggestion. I still remember his exact words.

"I can make it... less scary if you want."

My initial thought when he said that was shock. I couldn't believe that he had even suggested it. I wasn't appalled or hurt that he thought about it, but surprised that he would think to do something like that. And then my second thought - Merle was 44 at the time. He was nearly twice my age. I never really noticed how different the three of us were in age, but when it came to something like losing my virginity, I couldn't help but remember. That didn't really bug me, though. At the time, I thought it was really sweet that he would take my virginity so I wouldn't be afraid of it happening anymore. And I'm glad I agreed to it. He was my friend, so I knew he cared about me and would go easy on me. I knew that he wasn't just suggesting it to get in my pants, either, because when he saw me thinking about it, he started reminding me that I didn't have to if I wasn't comfortable with it. But I was, and it was good. It still hurt, but much less than it could've if I would've done it with an asshole with no regards for my feelings.