Lost Too Much 【REDONE】 ║ Daryl/OC or Shane/OC

Chapter 28: Everyone already thinks I'm crazy.

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(DAY 449) There are only a few pages left in my first journal, so I figured we might as well go out with a bang. The meeting yesterday was weird, but to sum it up, Phillip wants to wipe out the prison and we're going to war. There were more events, but maybe I'll just go over them in a later entry when I have more space. Other than that, Titus sent a letter with Milton that said his daughter, Hannah, had died when we left for the prison, back five days ago. He told me about this new method for dealing with loss where you write a letter to a person if you miss them. I guess it just helps you get out your feelings and lets you say anything you never got to, stuff like that, so I figured I might as well try it, since I've already lost so much that everyone thinks I'm crazy. I didn't want to start with someone like Shane or Clark, mostly because I'm worried I'll run out of pages, so I'll start with Lori. I've missed her a lot lately. RIP Lori Grimes - Day 440.

Dear Lori,
It's only been nine days since you died, eight since I found out about it, but it's begun to hurt a lot more with each day. Rick and Carl surely miss you, and I'm devastated that you never got to meet your little girl, whom they decided to name 'Judith'. She's okay, though. She's beautiful.

I remember the day we met. Well, I met you at the same time as everyone in the group, pretty much, but I remember seeing you stood with Carl, who was clinging to you in fear, and I remember you at the dinner table later that night, glad that Carl was disgusted by the taste of wine. And when Shane and I had our first little fight, you laughed alongside Andrea. Later that night, things turned dark, what with you and Shane having your quarrel because he was too drunk to realize you were done messing around with him. After that, we didn't really talk until we got to the farm. Otis had died and you, along with some others, tried to convince me it wasn't my fault. Then there was the eventual news that you were pregnant, and you came to me for advice and help, and I tried so hard to help you as much as I could. I even told Shane for you, hoping that he'd take his anger out on me and not you.

For a while, you were considerably my best friend. Well, at least one of my best friends. There was the whole thing where you and Andrea tried to make me realize I liked Shane, and then there was the barn incident, and by that day, you told Rick you were pregnant. After that, to be honest, we weren't so close. You stopped needing me, and after Clark showed up, I was too busy. In the end, though, when we were all running off the farm to get away from the herd, you tried to make me come with you. We got into a little fight the next day when Rick finally said about us all being infected, but you apologized later that night, right before I found out Shane was dead. With that, even, despite what you and Shane had been through, you comforted me. I had lost two of my friends that night, so you were one of the few things I had going for me.

Once we got to the prison, things changed. You were going to give birth any day, and with all the stress of just settling in, we barely talked at all. We got into another little fight after Carl and I went off into the prison on our own, but before that, I had that panic attack that you, Beth, and Carl were all very quick to try to help me through. And then a week passed and the herd attacked us that resulted in you and T-Dog dying. You didn't know this, but Carol and I were trapped in a closet until the next day, and after that, a whole new world of chaos broke free and your death was horrifically overshadowed.

I don't know what else to say. I've recapped our journey, and now all I can think about is how much I wish you were here for me to talk to. That was something we did. We complained to each other and ranted and expressed our worries. I don't have anyone I can really do that with anymore. Honestly, I talked honestly with you a lot more than I did with anyone else. I kept secrets for you and tried so hard to protect you when you needed it. I wish now that I would've been able to help you in some way, but I'm not sure if there would've been any way to help. Either way, I'm sorry you went out the way you did, and thank you for being there for me when I needed it.