Lost Too Much 【REDONE】 ║ Daryl/OC or Shane/OC

Chapter 64: What if they don't come back?

TRIGGER WARNING: SUICIDE

<<<
(DAY 110) I don't think I ever really thought about what I'd do if I found one of the Dixons and not the other. I've been thinking about it since Day 1 that one day I'd find them again, we'd reunite all dramatically, life would expand from shitty to amazing again, and we'd all be happy. Have I considered the idea that one of them could've died or that they were separated?

I know for sure that I thought about both of them being dead, and even what it would be like if I killed myself and they found me as a biter. But I don't think I considered the idea that it could be only Merle that finds me... or only Daryl. That's a likely thought. They always seemed inseparable to me, so the idea of one of them dying and not the other is a foreign thought. I still believe they're too tough to die to something as stupid as this, but I don't know.

Historians, if you're reading this, I know you likely didn't read with the mindset of actually giving a shit about Corynn Elaine August/Jenner. You just want to know some of the events of the apocalypse, not my feelings or life. I mean, the intention of this was after all to keep track of what happened, but I need it more now to keep my feelings in check than to inform you fuckers about how many geeks I see walking around or how long it takes for humanity to crack. You're just gonna have to bear through it.

On the topic of my pregnancy, I still haven't fully decided where I stand. Yes, I want it. I won't abort it, but as much responsibility as Phillip holds up, and me being his fiance, a kid is just going to get in our way when shit hits the fan at any given point. We need our full focus to keep these people alive.

I have thought about giving the baby to someone else to care for, perhaps someone who can't have one, or someone who already has kids and knows how to raise them. Titus, for example, has Conner and Hannah, and I know those two alone are a handful but they're 10 and 11 now. If he were to take a third child, they'd be old enough to help him take care of it. I know he's raised those two well.

There's also a woman, Katherine, and her husband Colton that are unable to have a baby. They knew so since before the apocalypse. Maybe they'd like a child now, even if it isn't theirs.

I don't know, but I have to go.

Signing out,
Corynn Elaine August (Jenner)
<<<

The steps of the porch creaked with each one I stomped on. The bloody hand-print on the side of the house was alarming but I held it in my heart as a sign. It wasn't fresh blood but that didn't mean anything anymore.

I shoved the door to the house open with little regard to what would happen. Like I suspected, I saw a figure standing in the living room. It wasn't someone that was alive, which I could easily tell by the decaying skin on its bald head and the way its fingers began wiggling with anticipation at the sound of something behind it. The walker faced away from me but the bald head made my heart sink to my feet. I nearly allowed myself to cry before I looked once more at its hands. There were two.

The walker turned around and showed its face and I audibly breathed with relief when I saw it, in fact, wasn't Merle. I was glad as hell that I hadn't just found him dead, but that also meant I still hadn't found him at all. I was tired and annoyed and also happy as hell and it was an odd combination.

My heavy footsteps toward the walker alerted it, causing it to jerk and throw its body toward me as if it just realized I was standing there. Before it could even reach out one of its mangled hands toward me, I punctured my knife through its skull and let its body hit the ground. As much as I wanted to believe the walker confirmed the bloody hand-print on the outside of the house, there was still an entire house's worth of rooms for more to be hiding in.