Lost Too Much 【REDONE】 ║ Daryl/OC or Shane/OC

Chapter 27: I haven't been okay in a while.

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(DAY 448) I'm getting down to my last pages here. The last few days since my previous entry have been somewhat uneventful. It's been filled with reconnecting with the Dixons and trying to get Shane out of my head. Today ought to be good, though.

Andrea came to set up a meeting between Phillip and Rick to talk about this war we have going. We had initially planned to tell Phillip I was gone, but there was a guy that spied on us from the woods who saw I was still alive so that plan went to shit. I'm gonna join them for the meeting, and it's probably going to be the worst experience of my life. I would like to go, though, mostly so I can see Phillip and Andrea, maybe even Martinez if he comes. I'm hoping it all goes well, but I just don't see it happening that way after all that's happened recently. I can hope, though.

Signing out,
Cory Jenner
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I shut the journal and set it on my bed, looking around to see if I was forgetting anything. Of course, I was barely ready to go anywhere. I was only dressed, wearing jeans and a flannel over my white undershirt. I had the gun holster Phillip had given me around my waist, buckled and loaded with my weapons, one of my throwing axes on the bed. I still felt like there was more to do.

"We all still think this is a bad idea, Cory," Merle repeated once more, leaned against the wall in my cell. I sighed, picking up my bag again to sort through it. What am I forgetting?

"Well, what's he gonna do? Kidnap me?"

Merle scoffed, pushing himself off the wall. "I wouldn't put it past him."

"Daryl, Rick, and Hershel are gonna be there. I'll be fine."

"How can you know that, though?" He continued to push. "How can you even trust the Governor anymore?"

In their eyes, I probably looked insane. Rick and Daryl had thought I was crazy lately, but now, I could see why. I wasn't crazy, but I sure looked like I had a death wish today. To everyone else, Phillip was horrible and dangerous. They didn't know him the way I knew him. He wouldn't hurt me the way he'd hurt them.

Or maybe I was wrong. Maybe he had changed and I just couldn't see it.

"Believe it or not, I was in love with him before. I have a different relationship with him than the rest of you."

Merle raised an eyebrow at me. "You don't think he's crazy?"

"Never said that."

I found my way to the bottom of my duffel bag, still not sure what item I was missing. I found the engagement ring Phillip had proposed to me with, a small silver ring with a large diamond attached to it, and pulled it out. I remembered what I had decided this morning, that I was going to give it back to him so I could start fresh. I wanted things to be over with Phillip entirely, and I wanted things with Shane to be solved so I had no distractions when it came to Daryl. I didn't want my past to be an issue for us.

"What if he tries to make you go back to Woodbury? Seriously, he might."

I shrugged as I zipped my bag back up. "I'll tell him no. If he gets violent, there will be plenty of people that'll stop him. Martinez will probably be there, too, and he cared about me enough that he wouldn't stand to watch Phillip do anything."

"You don't know that, Cory," He repeated. "He attacked this place. He tried to kill everyone, filled the land with walkers and everything. You have no way of knowing what he'll do."

"Well, I know that Rick, Daryl, and Hershel won't let him do it," I stated sternly as I put the engagement ring in the back pocket of my jeans. "I'll be fine, Merle."