Lost Too Much 【REDONE】 ║ Daryl/OC or Shane/OC

Chapter 60: God help anyone that gets in your way then.

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(DAY 084) Have you ever felt alone in a crowd of hundreds of people? When you just touch the subject with your mind, the answer is an immediate no. But if you actually take the time to think about it, crowds are where you feel most alone. It's easy to feel alone when you have no one around you, but it's even easier when you DO have people around you and feel like no one is there for you. Yeah, felt like that a lot the past few days.

For starters, Martinez, Paul, and Phillip went out on a run on Day 80 and they warned me that it would be a couple days until they came back, but I was worried as hell. And without them, I felt like I didn't know anyone here. I know Karen, and Shumpert, and the Olsen family I used to live with, but none of them are as close to me as the three who left. They got back this morning, but still. They returned with a couple refugees and plenty of supplies, but I still wish one of them would've stayed behind with me, or if they would've taken me with them. The few days they were gone felt like torture.

I asked when they got back about where they went and why it took so long, but they kinda blew me off and ignored my concern. I'm a little angry again, like the time the woman was killed by a biter but they wouldn't tell me about it. It makes me feel unincluded, or alone.

I will find out more about it eventually, I swear. If they want me to trust them and feel safe here, I need more information than what they're giving me. Merle and Daryl never kept secrets from me. Well, Merle didn't. I knew Merle just a little bit better to be able to tell whether or not he was lying. Daryl... we were close but it was in a completely different way. Merle and I knew each other well and personally. Daryl and I were just really comfortable with each other, not so much that we knew each other.

God, I miss them. Sometimes I prefer sleeping as much as I can to pass the time. I want time to keep moving until the day I see them again.

Signing out, 
Corynn Elaine August (Jenner)
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Early morning the next day, eleven of us trekked through the muddy grass toward the gates of Hilltop. I still had my duffel bag and my holster belt was still strapped around my waist. We didn't particularly plan on staying at Hilltop, Clark and I, but we couldn't go back to Alexandria. That had been fully decided after yesterday when Negan killed both Spencer and Olivia.

I found out why Negan had killed Spencer, too. Apparently, Spencer's whole get-up, his dressy clothes, and the evening of Billiards with Negan were part of a plan to convince Negan to kill Rick. That was what Negan had hinted at, at least. Spencer was angry with Rick still, after all this time, and he had attempted to talk Negan into killing him. He didn't trust Rick's leadership, and that concept scared me and hurt me simultaneously. Spencer could've ratted me and Clark out yesterday. He was trying to get Rick killed, so it wasn't an unlikely idea that he'd let it slip that I was there. Spencer and I had been good friends, caring for each other since we met, but I couldn't see him that way anymore.

As far as everything with Rosita went, it was basically like we saw it. Negan killed Spencer, and Rosita attempted to shoot Negan. All of the yelling he did afterward, of course from being angry about nearly dying, was because he wanted to know where the bullet came from once he realized it was homemade. Rosita kept insisting she made it herself, and Negan knew it wasn't true, and that was why he had Arat kill Olivia. Tara tried to say she had done it, too, but he didn't believe her. Eugene finally confessed to being the one to make the bullet, and that was why the Saviors took him when he left.

Negan was there in the first place because of Carl, which was what we guessed when he showed up with Carl alongside him. Carl and Enid had snuck out of Alexandria and went on their own journeys. Apparently, Carl snuck into a Savior's truck as well as Jesus, and both rode off to the Sanctuary. Carl hopped out of the back with his gun out, shot down some of the Saviors, and ultimately was caught by Negan and brought back to Alexandria. The fact that Negan hadn't downright killed him for the attempt was surprising but it justified what I had suspected in the past. Negan had some bit of morality ---or maybe he just liked Carl. Carl hadn't seen where Jesus went, though. Perhaps he'd be at Hilltop when we got inside.