Lost Too Much 【REDONE】 ║ Daryl/OC or Shane/OC

Chapter 47: We were a duo, despite me claiming else-wise.

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(DAY 106) I told Phillip the same day as the last entry. I just forgot to write about it with all the chaos of trying to comprehend it. He's happy, a lot happier about it than I am. He's excited, too. I'm relieved that he wants to have another kid after what happened to his first, but I don't know if I'm on board yet. I mean, I only have two options: have the baby or don't. I just... don't know if that's what I want. I mean, yes, I want a kid, but I also had wanted one in a world where it's safe to be alive, before the apocalypse, not in the middle of the end of the world.

Phillip and I decided not to announce anything to the group yet about it in case I changed my mind. Again, I don't think I'd ever be able to go through with abortion, but just in case, he doesn't want it getting out around town. We talked to Martinez and Paul, and I told Karen about it in hopes that she'll be able to keep her mouth shut, but part of me is really worried that one of them will slip up.

It's times like these that I wish I had Merle and Daryl, or even just one of them. I wish Michelle was here. Damn, I wish even Chad was here. I'd even care for his shitty advice at this point. I know Chad would have a whole lot to say about this for sure. Michelle I know would be excited for me, but I doubt I could count on her to give me advice about whether or not to keep the baby. Merle and Daryl, they really didn't know much about children so whatever advice they'd provide would likely be useless, but I always listened to what they said or at least took it into my mind. Hell, even on Day 1, being separated from them I still did what Merle requested.

Maybe it's the pregnancy hormones or something, but I miss those two now more than I ever have. I'm bawling my eyes out trying to write this. They mean more to me than anything else on this godforsaken planet. I'm not going down without seeing them again.

Signing out,
Corynn Elaine August (Jenner)
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I buckled my seatbelt over me, glancing in the side mirror of Titus's car to check out my hair before we got on the road back home. As I did so, the houses on the street I had spent my entire life living on were staring at me, peering into me. Titus back off the street, turning back the same way we came from.

By the time we were off of Elm street, back on the highway to go to Alexandria, it felt like I had left my actual home. It was that same feeling I would get when I'd start walking back to my house from spending the night with the Dixons. It was like leaving my home to go to a friend's house. Essentially, that was what was happening. Alexandria was my home, now, though. I had to keep that in mind.

I was ready to get home. It felt like forever since I had seen the Dixons. I spent the last day thinking about old memories of them but it felt like we hadn't made any new ones. They had gone out with Aaron a few times since we got to Alexandria, and they weren't even there when I had the breakdown that led me to this road trip. I needed to get things back on track. A lot had changed recently, especially since Shane had come back and we got the couple of new members. Well, things had changed even just since we stopped battling Woodbury a few months ago. After that last battle, after we brought in all those people, we all lost who we were. For example, I wasn't so... outgoing and 'sassy', as Rick would probably call it. I had to get really responsible and take care of the new people that looked up to me. Of course, they all died anyways. That wasn't my fault, though. I couldn't allow myself to think like that anymore.

That was another thing. I used to blame deaths on myself, but I had grown the common sense to know that it's not my fault most of the time, if not all of the time. I hadn't blamed a death on myself since I still believed Shane was dead. That one had actually been partly my fault due to me shooting Clark and 'allowing him to turn'. It would've been partly my fault if it had actually happened.