Lost Too Much 【REDONE】 ║ Daryl/OC or Shane/OC

Chapter 32: I can't do this a second time.

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(DAY 509) I'm still holding on but barely. We have new people and life is overall pretty good here, so I'm just going to write a letter to some more people we lost. For this one, I'll write to Jimmy, Patricia, and Dale.

Dear Jimmy,

I didn't even know your last name. I didn't know anything about you, really. I knew you were young, either still a teenager or a young adult, and you were in a relationship with Beth. I also knew you were a sweetheart. We met on Day 198 and you died on Day 213. There was only a 15-day span of time that we could get to know each other, and most of our bonding took place within the first few. When I came running onto that farm, gasping for air and crying while covered in blood, you didn't hesitate to come calm me down and bring me in to wash off and get a drink. You were nice to me off the bat, and being that the farm family kind of put me in charge to help our group settle in, it was nice to have someone on my side. Even when Otis died, when Patricia was quick to throw it in my face, you defended me and assured me nothing was wrong. I didn't see a flaw about you in the short time we spent together, and I wish you were still alive to help us today.

Dear Patricia,

Much like Jimmy and many of the people I've written letters to in the past few months, we didn't know each other long. Though you never said it, it was strongly implied that you didn't like me after Otis died. You verbally blamed his death on me, and I don't really hold it against you. You were right. I should've been there to help him. Even now, over 300 days later, I still feel guilty for it and I still wish I would've been there. I remember you asked me to speak for him at his funeral, and truthfully, I really didn't want to. The only reason I did was because you stared so hard into my eyes that I thought you'd break if I didn't. So I told the story of how he died and I put a rock on his grave. That was over 300 days ago, and I can still see you looking at me like I was a monster. I still believe it and I still wish I wouldn't have let you and the others down.

Dear Dale,

To be honest, I didn't know you much longer than Jimmy or Patricia, but it was different. Losing you had to be one of the hardest losses this group has encountered. I remember that night so horrifically, seeing you on the ground and ripped apart. God, I wish I could unsee the fear and pain in your face.

We weren't the closest, not nearly as close as how you were with the other members that you met before me. I didn't know a thing about your life before the walkers, nothing about you personally, but I knew without a doubt that you meant nothing but the best for people. We rarely talked, but the times we did, you were trying to make me know that you cared. You and T-Dog were the ones to ask me about my life, about who I was before I came along the group. You weren't just asking to ask, either. It looked like you genuinely cared, and that was one thing I loved about you. You didn't just act friendly. You were friendly.

There was another time when you asked me to talk to Shane and convince him to calm down. It was the day when we found out about the barn being filled with walkers, which I guess you knew about beforehand. You came into my tent and asked if I'd talk to Shane and stop him from doing something stupid, and truthfully, I didn't want to. I didn't agree with your wishes to stop Shane because I thought just as much as he did that we needed to eliminate the threat. Still, despite that, I listened to you because you always seemed to know what was best, even if we didn't know it at the time. And so after you died, we were going to let Randall and Clark live and let them free far away from the farm, which didn't end up happening but I'm sure it would've went well if Clark wasn't the asshole he was.