Lost Too Much 【REDONE】 ║ Daryl/OC or Shane/OC

Chapter 103: I haven't been actin' like myself.

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(12-349 AV --- 4,729 AV) I'm still getting used to being away from my family. It's been two months since my visit to the Commonwealth. I got to see Shane and Daryl about a month ago when Pamela came to see Alexandria. That trip, even though it made my week to see them, wasn't one of my favorite times. Lance said Pamela is going to continue funding Alexandria's rebuild, but I don't know if I believe him.

Either way, I have some free time today, so I want to write another letter to a dead friend.

Dear Sasha,

You and I were never particularly close. I remember the day I met you, on the road toward the prison while I was escaping Woodbury. You had just left the prison after being turned down by Rick. I wish I had been around to convince him to let you stay, seeing as how we ended up on opposite sides of a war after that. You chose the right side in the end, and that's what matters.

The way we lost you is burnt into my brain. Seeing you come out of that casket, dead and undead, took every last one of us by surprise. I heard from Eugene that you had done it as a sacrifice, that you were going to try to take Negan down that way and assure things got better. IT was an honorable move. We won that war in the end, but I don't know if your death was worth it.

I wish you were still around. I would've liked to become close with you. That's the thing that always happens. I don't appreciate someone until it's too late. I just hope you've found peace, if there's anything that comes after death.

Rest in Peace, Sasha Williams.

-CJ
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There were five of us as we headed out on our way --- Maggie, Hershel, Marco, Elijah, and myself. I had made the journey back to Hilltop without any issues, and now, we were back on the move again. I wasn't sure where the guys with the army went --- if they were still in the area or had started making their way back to the Commonwealth --- but my gut was telling me not to let my guard down for even a second.

My children were at home with no guardians, and that was almost worse than them being here with us. Here, at least I could keep an eye on them, but of course, the trade-off was significant. At least at the Commonwealth, there were others like Eugene and Carol to watch over them, and I was sure they would.

The biggest question in my mind was how much our people back in the Commonwealth knew about what was going on. Did they know anything? Had word made it back to them that things had gone awry out here? With the way Lance wanted to keep this whole thing a secret, I doubted he had let anyone radio back home. Maybe it was better that way, that no one was home worrying about something they couldn't help.

There was one thing I knew for certain --- I had made an enemy out of Lance and I probably wasn't walking into the Commonwealth without a fight. Sure, Lance hadn't technically said anything about now hating me, but I was no idiot. I knew too much, and I had made it clear I wasn't on his side. It was only a matter of time before he tried to eliminate me.

We had walked for a while, most of it in silence. Maggie was worried, too. If there was anyone Lance might've wanted dead more than me, it was her. In a twisted way, he could probably blame her for all of this, for the secret supply trips he had soldiers making to Alexandria, and for the one that got hijacked. He would probably say it was Maggie's fault for declining the Commonwealth's help, that it was her who made him go behind Pamela's back. Of course, I didn't agree with her taking the blame, considering Lance had decided all on his own to do something so stupid.