Lost Too Much 【REDONE】 ║ Daryl/OC or Shane/OC

Chapter 109: Tomorrow, we're changing the damn world.

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(12-363 AV --- 4,743 AV) I don't really have much to say. It's been repetitive the past couple weeks. We've been working on the rebuild like crazy, focusing on what comes next. I haven't seen my family since Pamela's trip. I'm just trying to get by at this point, make it through the months in-between seeing my family. I'm thinking of heading to the Commonwealth to stay soon, since Alana is getting further in her pregnancy and all. I haven't picked a day yet, but I've mentioned it to the people around town and they all agree that Clark deserves to have his family there to meet his baby.

In other news, I've been thinking about Conner a lot being alone in this house. I pass his room every day and remember him. I've been putting it off for a while, but it's time to write his letter.

Dear Conner,

I never would've thought in a million years I'd be writing this to you. I remember meeting you my first day at Woodbury, this tiny boy with so much hope. You and your sister were everything to your father, and I could see that right off the bat.

When Hannah died, I was terrified of something happening to you, too. You and your father had taken off, looking for the next best thing, and I really didn't expect to see you again. When you opened the door to greet me my first day in Alexandria, I felt an indescribable amount of joy. I assumed you were gone for good, and it was incredibly relieving to see you were both okay.

After that, I moved in with you guys, and we started spending time together. You became friends with Carl, too. Your dad and I went on a trip to Porterdale and on the way home, he told me he wanted me to take care of you if anything ever happened to him. I didn't know it then, but he had already given up and was just making sure you were taken care of. I wish I had seen it sooner. I wish you got to grow up with your dad around. He was one of the good ones.

That day, finding him in his room the way he did it, is something I can't unsee. I wish I could've stopped you before you saw it, too. I wish I could've taken that pain away from you, especially once you lost Carl the very next night. You went through so much in so little time. And you kept getting up and brushing yourself off. You wanted to fight for a better life. I remember being so proud to call you my son.

That war ended, and Eddie got sick. I hated the idea of bringing you along with me, taking you away from your friends and family to grow up in a hospital. Some days, I had regretted not letting you stay with Clark, but I have to be selfish and admit that I'm not sure I would've made it through without you. Having you there to keep Eddie distracted when I needed a break was something I didn't know I needed. You lost your teen years, but you never complained. You never made me feel bad for it. I just wish it didn't have to be that way.

We finally went home after all those years. You had kept me sane. You reminded me to keep my head up and to remember what we were fighting for. You let me rant and talk my heart out when I needed. Conner, you were my best friend through all of it. Watching you grow up 'til you were taller than me, seeing you get more mature and smarter and stronger, it was worth everything.

I got to see you have fun at that fair. I saw you reunite with Clark and enjoy being a kid for even just a few hours. You got to see everyone again. That much, I'm glad for. There's just nothing I'll ever regret more than leaving on that trip that day. I want to believe I couldn't have stopped it, that it was out of my hands, but some part of me has always wondered if I could've prevented you from dying, if I had been there. Alpha said it was hard to get you away from Eddie when she wanted to kill you. You may not have known what was coming, but you were still protecting Eddie 'til the end.