Lost Too Much 【REDONE】 ║ Daryl/OC or Shane/OC

Chapter 49: Dixons don't die, remember?

<<<
(DAY 611) 19 weeks pregnant. No one knows. I have Andrea and Shane left to write to and then that's all for the people we lost besides missing people and like... Denise. I don't have anything to say to her, though.

Dear Andrea,

God, I miss you. I miss having you to talk to and having you accuse me of liking people or calling me crazy. I miss us sitting around and gossiping or playing stupid games. You meant so much to me, and when we lost you the first time, I thought it was the end of the world. Of course, after hearing you could've been alive, I had hope for months that we'd come across you, starving, cold in the woods or something. I had hope that you'd be okay, and you were. We know Phillip took that away, though, and I hate him for it.

If you were here at the prison with us, we'd have cells next to each other and we'd hang out, snacking and pigging out all the time. I'd probably have brought you with me the day I was raped. If I weren't pregnant, we'd finish that bottle of Fireball in a sitting. We can't do any of that, though, because of Phillip. I wish you would've come with us after the meeting you set up between our groups.

I remember you were the first to really accept me into the group at the CDC, letting me bunk with you and all despite having no clue if I was a threat. You were nice to me and befriended me in less than a day, and I even cared about you enough in that time to risk staying behind to convince you to leave the CDC before it blew up. I couldn't because Daryl dragged me out, but I was going to, anyway.

That was another thing about you. You always seemed to know what I felt before I felt it. You knew there was something about Daryl and I that you just never said about. You said about it before you died, that you could tell we were connected somehow after seeing us around each other. I had told you first about knowing him and Merle, and I also told you first that I had feelings for him. You got all of my news first. You knew what was best for me, even if I didn't want to accept it. You knew we needed each other before we actually needed each other. I remember you told me that I couldn't push him away or he might not come back, and I've listened since then. Thank you for telling me that.

Shane. You knew about Shane and I before there was even anything to know. I remember when we were at the church, and right before telling you about my history with the Dixons, you saw that I got to keep my gun. Your instinct was that Shane had allowed me to keep it. You said something like 'there's been something between you since you met and-" and then I cut you off because I thought it was ridiculous. It was only a few hours later that he was shot and I came to realize a few days after that you were right. You knew that Shane and I meant something to each other before it was even a thing. You said that when you accused me of liking him, it was a joke, but you grew to actually believe it when you saw how we acted. And damn, you were right. You were so damn right it hurts. I always listened to you, but I should've listened then. I should've told Shane how I felt, and maybe he wouldn't have died. Maybe things would be different as hell if I would have just stepped up and listened to you.

Aside from that, I do want to thank you for being part of my life. I never had a girl in my life that actually felt like a friend the way you did. You were there for me from the fucking start and I always needed someone like that. So thank you. And I'm going to miss you forever. I'm not going to forget you.

Signing out,
Cory Jenner
<<<

Sat on the couch, my head in my hands, I sighed. My brain was going a mile a minute, trying to figure things out while also trying to calm myself down. The two boys on my sides were doing nothing to help despite really trying to get me to relax.