Lost Too Much 【REDONE】 ║ Daryl/OC or Shane/OC

Chapter 10: If you leave, I don't win, Shane.

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(DAY 151) I... I lost the baby. The Woodbury doctor told me it was gone. Only 8-9 weeks, around 60-some days, and I lost it. Why?

I only decided a few days ago that I was excited to have a child, and now it's gone. It always happens to me. I always lose the most important people in my life. Merle's gone, Daryl's gone, Michelle's gone, and now this baby that I finally realized I wanted more than anything in the world.

This morning, I woke up with blood covered underwear and all I could think of was the doctor warning me about it a little while ago. Phillip was already out of the house, off doing his thing, so I just changed and rushed over to Dr. Stevens down the road. After running a couple tests, the only answer she had was a miscarriage. She and a helper had to perform surgery on me to get the unborn baby out before it turned and killed me. I survived the surgery, too, which she hadn't told me beforehand was an unlikely thing to happen. I still can't believe it. I never thought I would have kids before this, and now, I finally had the chance and I lost it. She said that the miscarriage wasn't my fault, that there was nothing for me to do about it, but I don't care. I still believe it's my fault.

I don't know how to tell Phillip. He was excited about it from the day we found out I was pregnant. This is going to destroy him.

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I was right. He didn't take it well. How could I expect him to, anyways? He lost his first child, and now his second as well. He broke down crying the second the words came out of my mouth, and I can't even blame him. What hurts more than the loss is seeing how hurt Phillip is by the loss. He's in pain more than me. He already has enough going on with the town with all the new people, and I lay this shit on him. He's in our room bawling while I hide in the bathroom, and as much as I want to help him and be with him right now, I can't afford to start crying again. I just stopped.

Karen wants to take me out to drink. When she suggested it, I realized that I had a lot to drink the night Phillip and I got engaged, and I would've been pregnant at that point. I again went to the doctor to ask about that, if that could've had anything to do with it, but she said that if I had only drank that night and not since I found out I was pregnant, it wouldn't have had any effect on the baby. So again, she tried to tell me it wasn't my fault.

I don't believe her. Still, I'm gonna go get wasted until I don't even remember what happened.

Signing out,
Corynn Elaine August (Jenner)
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Someone was rustling my tent as I regained consciousness in the morning. It was now light out, my eyes burning as I cracked them open to figure out what was going on. Before I even spoke to tell the person I was awake, he/she unzipped my tent and looked in.

"Jenner, get yer ass up."

Rest assured, I was relieved to see Daryl looking back at me. When he saw I was up, he zipped the tent back up and left me to get dressed for the day. I rummaged through my bag, finding a pair of jeans and my grayish-blue shirt, the one with buttons going about halfway down the middle. I switched from my hoodie to that, then prepared to change my underwear before my pants, but found that I had received my period over the night. It was only a little so far, so quickly pulled my sweatpants back up and exited my tent rapidly, looking around to find Lori or Andrea.

Instantly, I spotted Lori sitting in the same chair as last night, now looking well-rested. I jogged over to her, keeping my voice low. "Uhm, do you have any tampons or pads?"