Lost Too Much 【REDONE】 ║ Daryl/OC or Shane/OC

Chapter 84: Negan might've saved my life.

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(7-041 AV) There's not much to say. Maggie still hasn't returned, so Jesus, Tara, and I have pretty much taken over as a team. Michonne has been the reason behind Alexandria pretty much backing away from the Kingdom and Hilltop. I know she's had it rough after losing Rick and having RJ, but she's essentially closed her town off to new people and won't accept change. It's not entirely up to her since there's the council, but she's still managed to split off from the rest of us. I want to find Rick, almost just to set her on the right track. I've barely talked to Clark in the past few years.

That applies to Daryl, too. I wasn't exactly talking to Daryl on the daily, but I heard he left a few months after Cory and Rick were gone. It took a while for the news to get back to me, probably because people didn't think I'd care. We've had our differences but I don't hate the guy. He's been important to the group, and as much as I hate to admit it, he was important to Cory even before the world fell apart.

I'm never going to see her again. She's gone for good. It's been nearly 4 years since she left. If she was coming back, she would've by now. I don't expect to see her again, which sucks because I still love her. I've been swallowing that fact for a while. I'm always going to love her. It doesn't matter who I'm with.

Roselyn treats me like I'm amazing. It's like she has no clue about my feelings for Cory, and I haven't exactly tried to hide it. She's read these journals, too, or at least the revised copies they made in Alexandria. Those copies exclude certain things that are inappropriate, but they're still pretty personal. I looked over one of them and it's essentially an autobiography. They only took out and edited stuff they didn't want kids reading, stuff like Cory losing her virginity to Merle and the sex stuff with the Governor in the beginning half of the first journal. They left in the general concepts of those things, essentially edited them to be kid-friendly by phrasing it as 'an adult experience'.

Still, the copies included most of the gory details related to our friendship, how it came to be and more. They revised the whole part about what happened in the rec room with Lori, didn't exactly take it out but revised it to seem way less violent. They still left in the part about Cory running in to save her and slashing me in the neck. Overall, there are a lot of personal things in those journals but they left them in because it's the truth. It might not be necessary information but it's history and it's Cory's life. There's information about Woodbury before its fall, the journey our beginning group took to get where we are. It's valuable information, even the parts about Cory's past with the Dixons and Clark. Essentially, someone could study Cory from start to finish in those books.

I don't think Daryl read them. He was gone before the copies came out, and I don't recall ever hearing him talk about the original journals. He probably knew he was in them a lot. Bet a lot would change if he would just sit down and read what Cory thought about him. He pisses me off.

- Shane Walsh
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It wasn't long after we ended the war with the Whisperers. We had spent the past few hours checking the area, making sure none of the Whisperers had escaped. We were all so tired, myself especially since I still hadn't taken a breath since escaping the horde. With everything settled, I'd rest when we got home.

It was hard to let my guard down with Maggie here. I had seen her staring at Negan, obviously pissed off. I didn't blame her at all, but I was horrified for what was coming when we all got back to Alexandria. Of course, some were staying at Oceanside now that the Hilltop had been destroyed. I had yet to see the damage, but it seemed it was unsalvageable.