Track #8: There's Nothing Holdin' Me Back
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Shawn's POV
December 20, 2016
It's hard to describe how I feel right now, my body is present lying on my lifelong bed at my parents' house, but my mind travels to a thousand different places outside of Pickering. Images of sunny skies, palm trees and giant buildings mingle in my head, the city of Los Angeles in all its splendor. Why am I so suddenly overwhelmed by this restlessness? Do I have unresolved issues? The Tour is on hiatus until March, the last show I will play in the Philippines. The Illuminate album is out and the third single will be released next year, along with the music video that Andrew is planning with the team, as well as the tour for this new era. I'm on Christmas vacation with my family carefree, I should be asleep. Instead I'm just staring at the ceiling in my room barely blinking, waiting for I don't know what exactly.
The answer comes around 1AM when I pick up my phone to distract myself. What the hell? The recent statement leaves me in shock for a few minutes; clearly I didn't see this coming. I did expect it to happen at some point, but not this soon and especially not when they've been doing super well this year... She didn't even give me a hint. Am I blind?!
''After 4 and a half years of being together, we have been informed via her representatives that Camila has decided to leave Fifth Harmony.''
Holy shit. I don't know how to feel about this. How must she feel? I pick up my phone one more time to text her, not stopping to think if she's awake at this hour. To my surprise, she calls me back after reading my simple 'How are you?' message.
- Hello, Shawnie. Can you talk? - Her broken voice makes my heart skip a beat.
- Yes, Mila. Are you okay? - Clearly not, can't you hear her crying?
- Mad. - She sniffles. Not the answer I expected.
- I don't understand.
She's silent for a few seconds while I wonder what she means. Mad about what? Wasn't her idea to leave the group? Camila asks to switch to a video call and I hesitate to accept. I've never seen her cry, but I'd be a bad friend if I let her suffer alone when she needs me most.
She shows up on my screen covered in a large plush blanket that makes her look smaller, illuminated only by a table lamp to one side of her, which prevents me from fully seeing her tear-stained face. Despite this, she smiles as if there are no problems in her world, trying to play tough, but I know her better.
- Hello you. - She murmurs, wiping her face with the back of her hand.
- Hi. - I smile, wishing I was right next to her at this moment to give her a big hug.
- Don't look at me like that. - She warns me teasingly. - I've cried all I need to cry. But I'm still upset about how things happened.
- I had no idea you'd be leaving so soon. - I admit, hoping she can explain it to me. Only if she's willing to.
- And I wasn't going to leave just like that. I just found out, and so did everyone else. - She sniffles. New tears well up at the corners of her eyes. - I thought I could make it work until the tour was completely over, but since my contract had already expired they decided to kick me out of the group at once. I had plans; I had already discussed it with the whole team, with the girls... They didn't even let me know they were going to do this; they didn't give me a chance to be the one to announce it myself.
- That sucks. A lot. - I can't believe it.
She nods without saying anything else and I can see her trembling, she is about to collapse. Hard as it is to believe, I'm not very good with words. Encouraging someone who is in a pitiful state of mind is not my thing, but I'll do what I can. For her.
YOU ARE READING
Songs For You - (Shawmila, The Story) Vol. I
Fanfiction''Camila, you know it's been a long time coming.'' ''We can't keep doing this, Shawn.'' I sob, aware that my heart is breaking as well as his. ''I really didn't want to lose you, but I don't want to keep playing these games with you. I'm tired of bu...
