''Camila, you know it's been a long time coming.''
''We can't keep doing this, Shawn.'' I sob, aware that my heart is breaking as well as his. ''I really didn't want to lose you, but I don't want to keep playing these games with you. I'm tired of bu...
It's the first time I will dare to change family plans and throw away years of traditions. Is it normal for me to feel anxious about abandoning them to their fate? Camila, it's not that you will never see them again, don't exaggerate....
What happens is that I am very attached to my family. Too much I would say. We have spent a nice week inside these four walls of our comfy house, the one that allowed me to grow up surrounded by so much protection and love. Taking down decorations over and over again just because mamá doesn't like how the Christmas tree looks in the middle of the living room, eating candy canes and pasteles de guayaba by the bushel that my abuelita bakes for everyone including the neighbors, exchanging gifts between my cousins, looking for new ways to annoy my little sister who sadly is not so little anymore, playing with the dogs in the backyard for hours and hours throwing balls at them that end up falling in the pool, watching old movies with my abuelita curled up on the couch..... well. All of that will obviously be altered as soon as I leave, because I'm the one directing most of the activities.
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But not all change has to be bad, right? I wonder how different it might be to spend the holidays in Canada, specifically at my boyfriend's house. I don't have a valid point of comparison to formulate an answer to that question. In my previous relationship... I'll just say that not much changed. I was celebrating with my family, as usual, and he and I just wished each other love and prosperity over a phone call. A PHONE CALL. I won't even try to justify him; it's more than clear that he didn't care about me like I thought he did. I was so blinded all that time... I feel sorry for myself.
I sigh thoughtfully, zipping up my last suitcase and dragging it down the stairs to the front door. The room is completely silent as everyone finishes waking up. Or something like that... Sofi is still lying on the couch yawning with Eugene in her arms like he's a plush animal. I hear a couple of cups clinking in the distance, so it's possible mamá got up early to prepare breakfast. My abuelita must still be in bed; she's been a bit sick these days although it's not too serious, thank goodness. And papá... stops in the middle of the corridor looking at me with some curiosity when he was about to take Thunder to the bathroom.
- Mijita, where are you going? - He frowns and comes closer.
- Papá, I know it's last minute but... I'm catching a plane to Toronto. - I smile at him innocently hoping not to disappoint him, but his face confirms that he already is.
- Won't you spend New Year's Eve with us?
- I'm sorry! - I plead with my hands clasped together and pouting. - But I really want to spend more time with Shawn now that I have a few days off. Mamá said we'd all go together, but because my abuelita is a little sick it's better if you guys stay here. To take care of her... you know....
