''Camila, you know it's been a long time coming.''
''We can't keep doing this, Shawn.'' I sob, aware that my heart is breaking as well as his. ''I really didn't want to lose you, but I don't want to keep playing these games with you. I'm tired of bu...
Did I miss something? His indifference to the subject left me very confused. And what does it mean that he already saw it coming? Since when and why? Why did he continue with me even though he knew? Did he expect me to never change my mind about Shawn? What was he looking for? I don't understand anything.
Me as an idiot crying because I was terrified of breaking his heart by breaking up with him, and he acted like he didn't care at all. There's something else here that I haven't heard about, right? There must be. Is it worth knowing now? Matt is history, Camila. Forget about him.
But I can't pretend nothing happened. He was my boyfriend for a year, for God's sake. Was Shawn right all this time? Did Matt really never love me? Because as ridiculous as it may seem to others, I did come to love him. That's why I'm so upset as I recap our whole conversation last night.
''We can always be friends, can't we?''
No! Of course not! I feel cheated for some reason. I feel like I gave my all in that relationship and he instead... I don't know how to explain it. It was his idea that we keep it private, because according to him that would protect me from getting hurt in the public eye. And I believed him, even though I really don't give a shit what others think about me (mostly). Was it to protect himself?
Anyway, I loved him, honestly. Too bad he apparently didn't feel the same way about me.....
- Are you still thinking about him?
I blink back to the present, sitting in a café with my sister and her friend. Sofi looks at me with some concern holding my hand.
- I'm fine.
- That's not what I asked. - She rolls her eyes.
- I don't want to talk about it, Sofi. Besides it's adult stuff, you shouldn't worry about it. - I whisper in a bored tone hiding my face under my cap.
- I worry because you're my sister. - She answers with obviousness. - You haven't even wanted to talk to mom about this.
I remain silent, irritating her. I'm sorry, Sofi. But when I'm ready I'll talk it over with someone... That someone who knows me better than I know myself.
#SensitiveAF
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Shawn's POV
I fix my eyes on her waiting for her to raise her head to look at her face, but she keeps sitting next to Sara using her long black hair as a protective shield. She's been elusive all morning as we take short breaks between tapings and I don't know why, did I do something to her?
