𝐀𝐫𝐞 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐝 𝐎𝐟 𝐌𝐞 𝐌𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐲?

𝟒𝟗

Billie's POV

"Take me to the rooftop, I wanna see the world when I stop breathing.... Turning blue." I sang softly into the microphone.

"That- That was really cute, I liked that one." I chuckled, referring to the reverse I just sang.

We're almost done with the song but we're just going back to see if we need to change anything or add some finishing touches.

"Mommmmm!" I called for her.

I want her to hear the song and see what she thinks.

I really love this one.

While waiting for her to come over here, I continued drawing in my sketchbook.

"Mommyyy!!" I shouted even louder.

She walked into our room.

"Yes, sweetheart?"

"Come hear the new song we just finished."

Finneas chuckled and played the song for her.

Damn it sounds amazing.

This is probably the first song of ours that I actually like.

I almost cried while making it.

It's definitely more close to home than my other songs but..

"You're gonna go that dark with a song?" 

I didn't respond and instead just continued drawing.

"Are you seriously implying that you... jump off the roof?"

I looked back up and noticed her worried expression.

I slowly nodded my head, holding my back my tears as I messed with my pen.

I wasn't about to fucking cry.

I just didn't want her to feel sad for me.

I don't like when she's worried about me.

"Do you feel okay about... a song like that?"

Fuck, I cant even look at her right now.

I can only imagine how pained she must feel right now.

It's not her fault.

She didn't do anything wrong. She's the best mom in the fucking world.

I looked down and erased some stuff off my book, doing anything to avoid eye contact with her.

"I feel like it's something I wanna have said."

"You don't worry about-"

"That this song is the reason I don't. Like having this way of saying it instead of doing it is better."

I looked back up and noticed she had tears in her eyes.

I know she thinks she did something wrong raising me due to the way I turned out but she didn't.

She's doing a damn good job.

I'm just... I don't even know, man.

Describing myself to myself is damn near impossible.

I'm just not a good person.

But I try.

"Mom if you don't like the song-"

"No, I like it just-... Billie, will you please consider going to therapy?"

For fucks sake.

"Mom, you know I don't believe in that shit."