All The Little Lights

Chapter 12

Ronald

Shit! Shit! Shit!

That was the only thing that kept echoing in my mind. Laying in my bed I looked at the white ceiling of my room thinking about today's incident at the mall.

How dare she laugh at me like that.?! Oh God! Just the thought of her is making me want to punch the crap out of someone or something or ..damn! anything. Who does she think she is ?! Reincarnation of the devil ? Yeah..that might be possible for all the ways she had played me till now. She is definitely the devil itself but, how come a devil get paired with an angel....?

The image of my princess- I mean Alessia's face when I lashed out at her flashed in my mind.

I let out a deep sigh. I should not have talked to her like that. She didn't even do anything wrong. All she did was just follow me to the shops I just walked into without even asking her preferences. She didn't even purchase anything that I noticed she had liked so much. When I said those awful things to her, I didn't miss the tears that were threatening to fall, in her eyes but she didn't let them flow, she just stormed out from there without sparing another glance at me.

I looked at the shopping bags sitting there on my couch. After she had stormed out on me-rightfully so, I went back inside and bought each and everything I knew she had liked. I couldn't not do that. Even though I looked like I was bored out of my mind, I was watching her closely. She wouldn't let me buy anything to her. Therefore, I watched her throughout the time we were there so that I can understand her likes and dislikes. Creepy?Me? Nah!

Ever since I saw that devil's face, I had humiliated myself more than I could ever imagine. Heck..that little bit of control I tried to keep on my anger finally snapped when she and her damn friends made a jock out of me in front of all that people. And that little boy....!!! He dared to ask me on a damn date?! That too infront of my fiancée, no less. Did he think that I was gay ? Don't get me wrong. I don't have any problems with homosexuality. But his out of the blue question threw me off guard. Think about it, how would you feel if someone came asking you out on a date in front of your fiancé that too assuming you're gay? And to add salt to the wound, the mocking laugh from her sister and the judging stares from the people.... I lost it. I bloody damn lost myself! Before I know, I was blowing up on Alessia seeing that that little devil and her friends had made themselves scarce. And I very well know that she didn't deserve a single word I said to her.

But is there any weapon sharper than words? They leave behind the most hurtful wounds.

I don't know why. But when she defended her sister against me, I felt ....isolated, betrayed. I know..I know its sound crazy. But you don't know how hard it is to live in the spotlight.

Imagine yourself in a small transparent glass box surrounded by hundreds of prying eyes watching your every move, judging your every action. The way you look, the way you smile, talk, sneeze, behave, each. and. every.thing. It's tiring. You have to change into another person. One person; a thousand masks. To us, privacy is something that we are never allowed, but always yearned. Your favorite colour, your attire, your relationships....everything is disclosed to the world. For everyone out there to see, to judge, to tear you apart. Even the names of our one night stands. People don't need the real you. They need the successful bussiness man who always get what he want. I have to be someone they think I am, to save the real me.

That is the sole reason why I don't date. They don't see the Ronald who is afraid of fishes, who is carefree, who can sing, who is calm and collected. They see the infamous Ronald lein Mcbain who is cold, distant, womanizer. Because that is what they want. I don't like playing with girls, I don't like sleeping with different girls each day.