L x Reader oneshots 1 // series 3 • Death Note

An analysis on Ls mental health... again

Hello motherfuckers. I am suffering a goddamn hyper focus clash where I wanna gush over L but I just CANNOT focus on writing a story for some reason. I was gonna update death doesn't scare me today, but my DUMB fucking brain won't let me focus on it.

Because it's too focused on armchair diagnosing L.

So I will warn you. TW for mental health topics.

I made a chapter like his BOOKS ago. But now I'm older and more knowledgeable about health thanks to my many health problems getting worse over the years.

So it's time for another analysis. Once again, I like to base my head canons IN canon.

So I take evidence from canon and draw conclusions. I literally did a whole PowerPoint on this, link should be in my CARRD. But I've added something here because I've noticed it now.

So I still stand by the L has CPSTD theory, I don't think I'm wrong about that. But I've noticed more things while re-watching/ reading the franchise that has made me connect some more dots.

Obligatory meme:

Ok so,,, imma just list symptoms I've noticed he has that I missed last time I made a chapter like this in I believe my last oneshot book.

Panic attacks

So Aizawa grabs him violently by the shoulder and yells at him about the second Kira. There's a zoom in on L's hands and he's trembling ams gripping is legs. His voice is calm, his body language isn't. We've all seen this scene and I've mentioned if before.

Now a lot of people perceive panic attacks as screaming, crying, breakdowns etc. and while that is true there's another kind that isn't talked about much. And that's internal ones.

Kind of like the freeze response of fight, flight or freeze.

Again he appears calm in the voice and doesn't break down into tears, but he is shaking and very tense. Which happens when you're panicked but holding it back. Internally, he likely FREAKING the fuck out but stays calm on the outside for the sake of professionalism and keeping the taskforce calm too. Also because he doesn't like showing emotions to those he's not close with.

So yeah, that was definitely an internal panic attack happening there. Triggered likely by Aizawas yelling and harsh grab on top of the whole Kira tapes going on at the same time and watching a taskforce member die. The scene kiras first appearance was very stressful and frantic and would definitely trigger something like that.

Speaking from both research and experience here. Fuck internal panic attacks man.

Anxiety

It's pretty obvious but anxiety comes with CPTSD. I can't believe I did touch on this last analysis I'm a dumbass for forgetting.

But he's a complete recluse, has trust issues, is hyper vigilant, has a lot of self soothing body language (biting his thumb nail and rubbing his feet together are both self soothing reactions, chewing on things), second guesses everything, has a tense body posture etc. basically he's anxious 24/7. The root cause is likely the CPTSD, and the fact he's working in a case as dangerous as Kira probably doesn't help. To be honest I wouldn't be surprised if he came out of Kira alive he'd end up with MORE trauma from the situation.

Someone get this man a stress ball and a chew necklace because the self destructive coping mechanisms aren't helping him.

Rejection sensitive dysphoria.

I GET THIS AND ITS LITERALLY THE WORST THANKS ADHD YOU FUCKI-

But anyway, yeah once I found out what this was a scene clicked in my head.

First let's define RDS:

Rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD) is extreme emotional sensitivity and pain triggered by the perception that a person has been rejected or criticised.

So right before the fight scene, L's sulking and says he's depressed because they're back at square one right? Even though Light and Misa are Kira, he still has no proof of it. His hypothesis was 'incorrect', 'rejected'. Causing him to spiral very quickly into a depression.

He perceived his 'wrong' hypothesis as rejection and the RDS kicked in hard.

Now while this is most commonly associated in ADHD because that's neurological and you can't develop it, there is a variant that IS developed because anxiety and PTSD have it too as in those cases it's caused by a past trauma.

The ADHD kind and the anxiety/PTSD kind present differently but are rooted in the same idea.

It's common for those who experienced gifted kid burnout to have RDS because for so long they were praised for being so smart and never got anything wrong so when they do, they take it personally.

Just like L this genius, gifted kid burnout, never been wrong detective. He was 'wrong', 'rejected' and that hit him personally causing the depression afterward.

After Light and Misa were released his mind was probably nothing but:
"I'm so stupid, I'm not smart anymore"
"I've lost my touch"
"I know they're Kira and I can't even prove it? Some detective"
"I was wrong. I've never been wrong. Is something wrong with me?"
"If I can't do this then why bother even trying?"

RDS is a BITCH man. Fuck it and it's ability to make you hate something you once loved.

Ok that's the stuff I missed last analysis. So my final theory on L's mental health based on observing canon for years is:

He suffers CPTSD from a bad orphan childhood, and immense pressure being the worlds greatest detective as well as seeing disturbing cases all the time. He isn't that physically healthy either with his diet and lifestyle.

His symptoms include:
•Insomnia
•RDS
•Anxiety
•Weight and diet problems
•Depressive episodes
•Panic attacks
•Self soothing/fidgeting (bc of the anxiety, ams can sometimes be self destructive)
•Iron/vitamin deficiency
•Aversion to social settings
•Hyper vigilance
•Trust issues (and mummy issues let's be honest)
•Irritability
•Loneliness
•emotional detachment
•flashbacks??? I'm adding the ??? Because we don't see him have one at any point, but realistically he SHOULD be having them with all those other symptoms.

And let's be honest... mans probably for scoliosis too. Squiggly backed mf.

I love you L, I'm sorry I'm kinda bringing up all your baggage here but I'm doing it because I wanna understand you and I love you.

fr all this just fits too perfectly in place. I refuse to believe otherwise this man has been my hyper fixation for 7 years damnit I've literally cut open his brain and dissected it at this point. Everything just clicks to perfectly into place.

TLDR: L go see a psychiatrist. And a physiotherapist. And a dietitian. Take your meds. Take a break from work. You want me to buy you a weighted blanket for comfort? because I will. Those things are gifts from the gods. I love you let me help you baby.

Finally I'll add that all my sources are the same ones as in my PowerPoint and my doctor telling me "at bitch you've got major problems here's all the info".

Well, at least me and L are both slowly decaying from the inside out. Like character like simp I guess.

Ok, info dump over. I'll actually try and focus on writing stories now.