L x Reader oneshots 1 // series 3 • Death Note

Tainted

TW: this one will be wayyyy darker. TW for SA.

It was a feeling you didn't know how to describe. Dirty, used, tainted? You felt so utterly shattered ever since it happened. Like no matter how much you scrubbed or how much soap you used, you'd never be clean. Anyone that got too close to you made you finch, anyone who looked similar to him had you looking over your shoulders. Such a regular day, took the worst turn imaginable, all because of one man. Someone you considered to be friendly with at the very least.

And the worst part was the feeling of self blame. Logically you knew it wasn't your fault. But in the back of your mind you couldn't help but think... what if you'd turned the other corner? Gone home early? Taken a quicker route across campus? It felt like you'd walked into it, even though you knew you didn't.

A few months ago, you were heading home from class at university when one of your classmates had pulled you aside to ask about some misses work. It seemed innocent enough, like he was just wanting to borrow your notes. And you bought it, because he genuinely had missed some days of class. But right there in that empty classroom, he assaulted you. You froze, fight or flight didn't kick in. You froze in terror, just the look in his eye told you he'd not let you go if you tried to run. In sheer terror, you just took it despite your initial attempts to tell him no. Once he'd ignored them multiple times and kept going, you knew he'd not stop

So you just froze, completely disassociated. And once he'd satisfied his sick need to touch you in such a disgusting way, he went on like nothing had happened. In some kind of fear induced trance that if you did it said anything against him, he's just hurt you more, you walked with him like nothing had happened.

He ran into his girlfriend, that right- he had a girlfriend. And another classmate you'd only ever actually seen in class a handful of times. That kind of emo looking one that's probably autistic or something and never sat normally.

The girlfriend? She was oblivious that anything had happened. And the classmate... he seemed to realise you were shaken, but wasn't able to say anything in the conversation before fans noticed and surrounded the model girlfriend.

Maybe it was because of that shaken state you were in, but mr emo hair approached you again  a few days later. And he told you something absolutely wild.

Light Yagami, your sexual assaulter... was the sole Kira suspect. And emo hair, was L. He was only hanging around Light to gather evidence, and he wanted your input. He asked you for any suspicious behaviour, your previous interactions with Light and what it was like. How you knew him etc. looking back, he seemed to know he'd done something to you, and wanted the admission to build his case.

But fear, or maybe shame, whatever it was, stopped you from mentioning the assault. You kicked yourself for that, why had you frozen up? L was a detective, the WORLDS GREATEST! He'd be able to put Light behind bars for what he did to you. So why didn't you say anything? Fear? Shame? You had no idea. But whenever the thought came into your mind you'd just start to disassociate and forget your train of thought.

L wasn't giving up though, he knew Light was Kira and he also seemed to know that you knew something. So he kept asking you things about him, inviting you into the taskforce, and when he noticed how uneasy you were around Light, started making sure you'd not be around at the same time he was.

It took months, literal months of sitting with the knowledge and feeling like a used, broken, dirty rag. Crying yourself to sleep, being scared to go out alone, missing classes... you couldn't even look at the clothes you were wearing that day. They'd been sitting at the bottom of your laundry basket under a towel you hadn't touched since you took them off. But finally, now armed with the knowledge Light was absolutely Kira and a danger to not just you but literally the world as a whole, you gathered up the confidence to say something.