Survival Bonds

Chapter 1: Cleaning House

It's almost hard to explain. Laying under my bed gives me a sense of calm. Maybe the correct word would be safety. Because it's familiar. I'm not accustomed to having a room, even if the room is more in line with what a cell would be. The bars on my window do nothing to make me feel safe. Mostly because that isn't their intention. The bars are there to keep me in. Not keep other things out. The door to 'my room' is locked. Just as it always is after I have completed my chores for the day. I'm essentially a prisoner.

Waking up with the sun, my first task is always to start breakfast. Three hot meals for my relatives so that they can start the day on the correct foot. My cousin Dudley cares very little for eggs, but he wants his bacon soft. Aunt Petunia loathes her yokes to be runny, and her toast must be very lightly toasted. Uncle Vernon is just the opposite, if his yokes are even a touch over cooked, then I will not even be allowed my customary one meal a day. Luckily, I have not had this issue since I was ten, as I've gotten better at giving them what they want.

After breakfast, Uncle Vernon leaves for work, Dudley goes and socializes with his friends, my aunt goes shopping and I have whatever wasn't eaten by the family. Normally this consists of Dudley's half eaten eggs and the crust that my aunt refuses to eat. Uncle Vernon rarely leaves me anything. Not that he knows I eat their leftovers. If he did, I fear what he would do to me. Accusing me of stealing food would be just the beginning. I can't help it though; I do not waste any food. At Hogwarts, I have to remind myself to not hoard food for later. Every time I see the sheer volume, my mouth waters. I can truly eat as much as I please. That isn't something I'm normally permitted. I clean the kitchen from the mess of breakfast and begin my other numerous chores.

While the laundry machine whirls my uncle's clothes clean, I start on the bathrooms. First the one in my aunt and uncle's room, then the one down the hall from my cousins. The toilet, sink and tub must be pristine. I opt to scrub the floors on my hands and knees. The mop doesn't clean the floors thoroughly and if there is a single missed spot, then I will not be allotted my one meal. I've told them that we need a new mop, but uncle Vernon only sneered at me. I am the mop he says. Once I can see my reflection, I move to my next task. The laundry will need to be changed over. The second load of laundry is always my aunts. I'll have just over fifty minutes until the drying is done. Vacuuming all of the rooms is what I typically do at this point.

When I hear the buzz of the dryer, I change the laundry and put in Dudley's clothes to wash. My aunt's is drying and I am folding my uncle's clothes. If they wrinkle, I will be punished in the customary way. This doesn't take long to do and his clothes are put up. At this time, I typically take a short break in the cupboard under the stairs. Laying on my side, I breathe slowly. If I were at Hogwarts right now, it would be time for lunch in the great hall. My stomach rumbles like a clock announcing what time it is. I can't eat anything though. They would notice if food went missing. Occasionally Dudley will come home about this time for lunch, but it seems like today he isn't going too. That's fine. It's harder to get everything done when I have to stop to fix him something to eat. On the flip side though, at least when he leaves I get to nibble at his remains.

The summer will end and term will start back. When it does, I will have a break from all of this. I cannot break from cleaning for too long though, because there is more to do. My aunt's clothes are almost dry, I work on straightening up any bits and ends that are out of order. My clothes are the last to be washed. They smell thickly of urine. My clothes cannot be washed with anyone else's for fear of me contaminating them with my freakish ways.

While my clothes wash and Dudley's dry, I begin folding my aunt's clothes. I've mostly gotten use to all of my tasks, but it is still uncomfortable to fold my aunt's panties even if I am mostly desensitized. They are put up, and Dudley's clothes are thrown in the machine to dry. I take my wet clothes and single towel to my room to dry. Before his clothes have finished, I take a quick shower just to get the smell off of me. At this point, my day will be close to wrapping up. Getting dressed in some hand-me downs that are to worn and large to ever be called presentable, I simply shake the water off. I am only permitted one towel and I need it for tonight. Dudley's clothes are folded and joined with the rest.

I just have to do the shopping for tonight's dinner, the cooking, cleaning up after dinner of course, then... off to my room. Tonight, I will make a nice casserole. Cousin Dudley's favorite. I've been making more of his favorites lately in the hopes that he will outgrow his clothes sooner. The less time he has to wear them, the better condition they will be. I have a box that sits outside my door. When he outgrows his clothes, he puts them in the box and it gets absorbed into my wardrobe. That is where the majority of my clothing comes from at least.

Since I started going to Hogwarts and have gotten my vault, it's been easier to splurge on clothing, but I have to be careful. I'll need that money for the rest of my time at Hogwarts, and possibly a little after until I get settled in with a career. Assuming I survive the war. Assuming anyone survives the war.

Once I'm back from the market, I begin dinner prep. Uncle Vernon likes to dinner to still be hot as he walks through the door and he does not care for waiting. Chopping the vegetables finely, I sauté them comfortably. I really don't mind cooking, and I think I've gotten decent at least. I wish that I could do as well at potions.

The smell of the casserole is heavenly and I fight to taste test it. I'll just have to assume it takes as it should. I fix a plate for each member of the family and sit it at their spot. Knives and forks on the table. Napkins. Once everything is prepared, I tell them. I fight myself. I mustn't watch them eat. Uncle Vernon doesn't like me watching, but the forkful shoveled into ungrateful mouths is torture.

I'm only allowed to eat after everyone else has had their fill. After the family finishes and leaves their plates, I'll allowed to fix my plate and take a seat on the floor. The chairs are for the family. I eat slowly trying to savor the food. I'll not eat like this again until tomorrow's dinner. After I've eaten, the kitchen must be cleaned again. I put my mismatched plate and cup away in its proper place. My utensils sit innocently on top. My dinner set cannot be mixed with the family's. Double and triple checking, the kitchen is cleaned to their standards.

I rush to use the bathroom and then, my 'room'. From approximately 7 till 6 my room is locked. Uncle Vernon wakes each morning, unlocks my door with a loud bang and begins preparing for the day. That's when mine starts.

There is very little that I can do once my door is locked. Save for a bed and a scarcely filled closet, my room is mostly empty. Most of the time, I take my blankets- the few I have- and bunch them up under my bed. I'll lay in my makeshift fort. My safe place. Small but defendable. Sometimes I read books that Hermione has given me. That can help pass the time until the sun sets and I no longer have light. It isn't that I don't have electricity. I do. I just don't have any lightbulbs.

I'm afraid of the dark.

I'm honestly ashamed to admit that out loud. But I'm terrified. Creaking floorboards. Unsettling cold. The nightmares. The endless nightmares that keep me from being able to close my eyes. I sleep uneasily when it's dark.

It isn't lost of me how I'm trapped in this room. I've learned to mostly hold my bladder, but sometimes, in the eleven hours or longer that I am locked up, I cannot hold it anymore. That is what the towel is for. It's humiliating to relieve yourself into a towel and then shove it to be washed the next day. It's either that or wetting myself. Most of the time during the week, I can hold my urine, but on the weekends when my uncle lays in longer, my door will not be unlocked until nearly nine. I hate the smell of piss. I hate the cold. I hate the dark. I hate my cruel relatives. I hate my life.

This hell will never be home.