Survival Bonds

Chapter 36: Forbidden Forest

warnings. WARNINGS. This chapter deals with some sensitive topics. mentions of violent rape. *********************************************************************

Severus refuses to answer any questions about Dumbledore while in Hogwarts. I'm scared. Should I trust Draco. I trust Severus and he seems to trust Draco. But before this year, Draco was a more real enemy than Voldemort.

Severus and I are in the forbidden forest on the pretenses of his showing me how to harvest potion ingredients. That is only partly true. I more or less told him that we needed to talk outside of Hogwarts. This is as close to away as we can get. It feels odd being in a forbidden area with a teacher.

"You told me that you were loyal to me. Not to Dumbledore."

"Harry. Good and Evil are two biased opinions. The victors write the history books. Good and Evil are manmade constructs. Some would call me evil and some would call me good. I myself cannot be called blameless. I've killed innocents. Just because those lives do not influence yours do not make my crimes any less heinous. I've tortured those that might have had information and it did not matter if I had the wrong person. It's war. No one can afford to play nice."

"But you don't trust Dumbledore?" I ask.

"I trust him to make any sacrifice that needs to be made for the greater good. Whatever that means." I can only imagine what Severus has had to do for this war. "I just want peace. It's too the point that any way it can be achieved is fine. I've told you before that it's a war of two kings and neither is faultless. I've been raped. Physically. Mentally. Pride stripped from me. From both sides Harry." He laughs bitterly. "I was raped in this forest. My father hated me and sexually abused me because I was a freak. When I was a student here in Hogwarts, there was a teacher. A teacher that taught me how to harvest ingredients. I was fond of him because he was kind to me. I was talented even from a young age with potions and he took my work and claimed it as his own. Nothing I could do about that. But he praised me in private so I didn't make a fuss. He granted me special privileges since I was so talented and one of those was access to this forest. I still do not know why. I was such an ugly scrawny thing, but that didn't stop him from stripping me down and reminding me exactly why I hate to be touched. I told the headmaster, but we couldn't make a spectacle about a Hogwarts teacher doing something such as sexually assaulting their student. Especially if that teacher is that student's head of house. And the dark lord rapes me because he loves me. Most of my life I have been called ugly. Most of my life I have been insulted and berated for existing. It does not make any sense why I have been sexually abused so many times. Maybe I just have that aura. To be hurt by those that I've come to feel comfortable with. Maybe each time I asked for it without realizing."

"Severus."

"Harry." He counters. "Don't look so concerned. I've told you the worse of it. My father. Head of house. The dark lord. The death eaters. I just get so frightened when I'm touched."

"I'm sorry."

"It's war. I've seen so many of my students go off to pledge their life to a cause that is dark in nature. I've seen so many students go off to die. Neither side is faultless. I just want this war to end with as few innocent lives lost as possible. We cannot always be comfortable during war."

"What has been going on with you?" I ask.

"Harry. It's war." He kneels and demonstrates how to harvest the leaves from the delicate plants and how to store them temporarily until it can be stored properly.

"Severus, I know you are hiding something from me. I'm worried." He continues to ignore me.

We continue for about an hour. I'm thankful tomorrow there are no classes. There is Quidditch practice though and I'm looking forward to that. He shows me the necessary steps to prolong the 'shelf date' of our newly harvested ingredients. And then we go to bed.