Survival Bonds

Chapter 16: Call Me 'Harry'

He's sitting upright in his bed. His chest is bare except for the numerous bandages. A day with those potion-soaked bandages should be enough to have him back to... whatever his norm is. He's glaring at me. Waiting for me to say something to set him off. Waiting for me to condemn or judge him. Waiting for me to say anything. But I can't think of anything to say. It's all so much to process.

Poppy was adamant that Snape not be kept in the dark about my newfound knowledge. And as much as it makes the entire situation more awkward, I agreed with her. So, it's just me and him in a stare off, waiting for the other person to lead. I'm afraid to start off. I'm afraid to set him off. It's clear from his face that he doesn't want me around him while he's licking his wounds. He doesn't want me to know anymore about him than what he himself tells me. Unfortunately, he doesn't have that luxury anymore.

"There is no reason to break the bond once the war ends." I choke the words out. His eyes only narrow at me. "Had I known the repercussions before, I would have had the same stance. Like it or not, we are bonded together." His dark eyes stab into me. I find it easier to not look at him while I talk. He is an intimidating man. He's never scared me in the past, but somehow, I think I'm afraid of him now. Afraid to be hated. Or even liked for that matter. "If after the war you or I find someone that we desire to be with, then we can discuss what steps to take. I know that there is no one that I care to be with at this point in my life, but I know neither of us can talk about what may happen in the future. If you happen to find someone that you love, then I will not stand in the way. Obviously, they would have to be told that you and I are bonded, but I'm sure they will understand that it had to be done."

I chance a look at him. The only emotion on his face is indifferent anger.

"Potter." He starts. But he doesn't continue.

"Snape." I reply. He shakes his head and the anger is faded and replaced with something else.

"We will discuss what will happen after the war, once this war is finally over. If we both manage to live through it at least." He adds quietly at the end.

"Don't hold back anymore. Please." I say diving in to the deep end. His eyes are again narrowed. "You haven't been sleeping. I guess you didn't want me to see any of your dreams."

"Dreamless sleep can be taken once every three days without any ill effects. Rest assured, even before we were bonded, I did not sleep every night." I look away from him again.

"I wont bring up any of your dreams that I see, if you don't bring up mine." I try to force my body language to not be awkward, but I don't know how successful I am. "I have nightmares sometimes that I wouldn't want anyone to know about. You already know things about me that I would prefer no one know." His eyes soften, then immediately harden again as if he realized he was showing kindness. "I know that you aren't evil. And I know you aren't a bad guy. Everyone that trusts you says that you behave how you feel you have to."

He remains silent.

"Please. Don't be mean to me." I feel like a child begging his bully for relief. "I don't care what your reason is. We can work through our differences. And please." My stomach feels sick. "Don't waste that much food again. I can't..." I feel like I could throw up. "I can't stand it." He exhales.

"I know. That's why I did it." His hand clinches the blanket. His eyes stare blankly ahead, focused on nothing. "Potter. The reason you are alive is because of me."

"I know that you've saved my hide a lot of times but..."

"No." He cuts me off. "The reason you are 'the boy who lived' is because of me. The reason you are an orphan and the reason you lived that night."