Survival Bonds

Chapter 75: Broken Bonds

I wouldn't say that I feel like I am completely back to normal, but I am completely coherent and I feel so much better. Severus will not let any of the press in to get the story, and he refuses to speak to any of them. I am not allowed to leave this private hospital room in the medical wing. Poppy's orders. She's more than upset with the two of us, but we both realize she's waiting until we are well to chastise us like children.

Severus looks haggard from lack of sleep and lack of eating. I can tell he hasn't bathed since I was brought to this room. It's been nearly a week. His hair is matted and greasy. His eyes are bloodshot. He smells faintly of sweat, ash, and something just him. I don't know that I've ever though he looked this beautiful. I just can't help but smile at him.

"Why." He pauses to gather his thoughts. "Why did you break our bond?" He asks. His eyes are not as clear. His confidence is wavering. "Did you not wish to be bonded to me anymore." I can see his forced calm. I can see the way he's choking down all emotions. He's trying to be an adult right now. He's trying to not show how hurt he feels.

"I broke our bond because I love you. I wanted you to be free." It hurts to talk after so long. I grab his hand in mine and it feels so natural after endless days of his hand never leaving mine. "Severus, I want to marry you. I know that we can't get soul bounded again, but I would rather a bond that we choose. I wanted you to be free. No one has any claim to you at all. You do not belong to anyone." I kiss his fingertips. "Your body, mind, and soul belong only to you right now, but I want all of it. And I want you to be the one to give it to me. And I want to give my body, mind, and soul to you. I just want us to decide our relationship. I don't want a bond forced out of necessity. I want a bond that we create out of love. Severus, will you please marry me."

His mouth is parted and tired bloodshot eyes water until there is unrestrained tears. He can't find words to say. Instead his salty tears fall on the bed sheets around me.

"Severus?" I ask gently.

"I thought you didn't want me anymore." The words are to vulnerable to come out of his mouth.

"I will never stop loving you Severus. Please. Marry me?" I ask again. His eyes are clinched shut and he's nodding not trusting his own voice. Hands clutch my shirt and his face is buried into my chest. Only his shaking shoulders tell me of how much tension he must have felt all this time. Fear. Loneliness. And now a moment of bliss. "I love you Severus." I say stroking his hair.

"Love you." He says between sobs. So much. This world has put him through so much. This bed is much to small for the two of us, but I slide until I'm half off the bed and gently I encourage him to climb in next to me.

Wrapped in each other we both seem to exhale at the same time.

My magic will never be as strong as it once was with my inheritance, but I can feel my magic thrumming, and it only intensifies with Severus so close.

"Severus. Can you perform the ritual to bond us in marriage?"

His fingers tangle in mine.

"I can. But we should wait. We would need to consummate out union, and both of us..."

"Please Severus. I don't want to wait any longer. I hate not being bonded to you. If you are okay with us becoming bonded now, then I don't want to wait."

"Let me at least take a shower." He says pulling away.

"Severus, I need you."

"F..fine." He says and then casts a wandless cleaning spell. It certainly isn't as clean as taking a bath, but I can't wait, and something tells me neither can Severus. I hate to pull away from him, but I do, so that I can undress completely. I don't want anything between us. I'm already aroused just looking down at him. He doesn't move as I stand over him. He doesn't move as I unbutton each and every one of those many buttons he always hides behind.

"Do you want this Severus?" I ask gently. His shirt is open exposing his creamy pale skin. He nervously licks his lips and nods. "Severus, if you want, we can switch roles. If you would feel more comfortable taking the dominate role, then I'm willing to be submissive for you." His cheeks are pink and he looks away from me. His hand is around my wrist.

"I'm nervous. I'm still not very comfortable with Sex, but with you... I like to be held. I like to be held gently."

It's so very different from our first time. The room isn't dark. He's not resistant. He's not frantically trying to calm himself.

He wants this. The tent in his pants and half lidded look is enough to tell me how deeply his both wants this, and his hand tightly clutching my wrist is enough to tell me that his very being wants this.

"Harry, repeat after me. I pledge my magic."

"I pledge my magic."

"I pledge my soul."

"I pledge my soul."

"I pledge my heart body and mind."

"I pledge my heart body and mind." He smiles at me. It's light and content.

"Both sick and well."

"Both sick and well."

"For my life belongs to you."

"For my life belongs to you."

I feel an intoxication. Similar and yet so very different than the magic of the founders. That intoxication was corrupt at it's core, but this. This is a pleasant warmth. The bond we shared before wasn't like this. It didn't feel like this. It didn't feel this comfortable. It didn't feel this healthy. I can feel our very love for each other. It's alive and pulsing between us.

"I do."

"I do." The magic calms but the exhilaration doesn't fade at all. Right now more than ever, I want to touch him.

I need to make love to him now.