Survival Bonds

Chapter 11: Taking matters into his own hands

Snape has been gone for several hours. I'm trying to focus on clearing my mind. I'm trying to focus on voiding my thoughts. It's hard. I just keep going back. Remembering that awful memory and then remembering him holding me. I didn't like being touched by my uncle. It's something I've more or less accepted. It happened. Move on.

But that's not realistic. I have always had a hard time since then being touched. Intimately or otherwise. Maybe because being touched was already so foreign. My relatives would never actually touch me. They would catch whatever sickness I had. The entire ordeal is a contradiction.

I'm not even angry with Snape for finding out. Maybe I should be. But he's the sort of man that has already made up his mind on everything. Learning something like this will not change the way he views me. Though, I do hope he keeps it to himself. I'm not much on sharing. I think I like the illusion that my life is ideal. I would rather strangers not read in the daily prophet intimate details of my life.

Niffy pats my head.

"Harry is deep in thought." She says lightly. She tilts her head at me.

"I'm alright Niffy. Do you know where Snape has gone off too? He wasn't dressed for a death eater meeting." She chuckles lightly.

"Niffy does not know. But Niffy has an idea." She manages to sit on the ground- fall more like. "Niffy became Sevey's house elf when he was a bit younger. Sevey's mom and pop were no longer living here- Niffy does not know the full story, and it is not Niffy's story to tell anyways. Sevey was the master of this house. It was only him. Sevey was ordered to dispose of me. I was no longer useful to my first master. I believe my first master saw it as an act of kindness on his part. Putting me out of my mystery." She scowls at the thought. "Sevy took me in. Told me he hated this house and didn't care if I burned it to the ground, but I could stay as long as I liked." She smiles fondly.

"Niffy."

"Sevy is not always patient. He has a sharp tongue and a sharp wit. And a fierce temper. When Sevy was a student, he was prone to fighting. Even amongst muggles. There are aspects of his life that he hates, but he will defend them because they are his." She smiles at me. Her old eyes are light. "Sevy is very protective and Sevy is very loyal. Harry. Sevy will always be loyal to you first. Niffy understand enough to know that you were harmed in the past, I have no doubt that Sevy is not simply ignore whatever was done."

"But why. He hates me. I have all of my dad's bad traits. And Snape hated him." She nods more to herself.

"If Sevy hated you, then he would have abandoned this war long ago. Sevy isn't a cold man. I think, in some ways, Sevy admires you." I can't stop laughing. "It's true. You are always so annoyingly positive. I think he likes that about you. You don't think, you just do what you believe is best. Sometimes you muck up. Sevy has always talked a lot about you." She uses my shoulder to stand herself up.

"Niffy, thank you for talking with me." She pats my head.

"Harry is part of the family. Niffy would like for both of her masters to be happy."

The break from practicing seems to have helped my concentration. Clear my mind. Breathe.

Another hour of practice and I feel my mind slipping again. I do not want to think about my uncle and I do not want to think about Snape's scent. Or how pale his skin is. I want to think about a wall. Blocking everything out. A wall as tall as a castle and as thick as a train. Something can cannot be broken through. Something that can keep me safe.

I feel Snape's magic before I actually see him. He actually looks completely unharmed, but also disheveled.

"Snape are you?"

"I am perfectly acceptable Potter." He walks over to me with a level of grace that I sometimes forget he has. A large hand lays on top of my head and tussles my hair in an almost affectionate way. He immediately pulls his hand away as if I were the one forcing him to show a level of kindness. From my spot on the ground, he appears so much taller. "You appear to have been practicing." He takes a few steps back to provide the standard distance between us.

"Yes, I'm still trying to build a stronger shield." His arms cross over themselves as he listens. "Professor. I wanted to talk about what you saw. I know you would never... but I really do not want anyone to..."

"I would never tell anyone Potter." His dark eyes are soft as he speaks to me. I believe him.

"Sir, where did you go?" I ask trying to immediately change the subject." All softness in his eyes is gone.

"I took care of some things." He says blandly. The untelling sentence reminds me that I know so little about this man.

"Sevy?" Niffy seems to ask.

"I didn't kill him Niffy. We simply had a nice little chat."

"A nice chat that involves breaking three of his ribs." Brux says lightly. The oldest of the young elflings mostly keeps to himself. He and I have not spoken much since I began living here.

"Three ribs?" Niffy questions him.

"I did promise you that I would reign in some temper." Snape explains.

"Snape. What did you do?" I ask looking up at him.

"Potter. I simply took care of something that should have been done." Brux laughs at Snape's words.

"Did you... talk with my uncle?" I ask. He doesn't confirm or deny. "Did you?" I ask again. Snape exhales slowly.

"Yes Potter, among other things. You are under my protection now." He kneels downs to my level as if he were speaking to a small child. I've seen him do this with Wendy. "Potter. You are under my protection. I need for you to trust me above all others. We do not have the luxury of existing otherwise, and I will have to trust you above all others. I do not expect this to be an easy task for either of us. From this point forward. If you require anything or if you are unsettled about anything, you are to tell me. Not Dumbledore."

"Sir?"

"Albus is not inherently evil." Snape looks at the floor. "He is just blinded to the small details, or what he perceives as small details. What your uncle did to you was unacceptable, and I do not only mean the major things." He looks intently at me. "The headmaster has only one goal. Ending this war. He does not care what it takes to accomplish that. If that means good people have to die. Then they will die. If that means throwing a young boy to the snakes." He looks at his open palms. "Then that is what he will do. Uncaring if the action is morally right or wrong. If Harry Potter the boy who lived has to die so that this war may end, then Dumbledore will allow it."

"I don't want to die." I hate saying these words. "I know that I should be willing to die so that everyone else can live, and I wouldn't trade my one life for everyone's, but I really don't want to die."

"Potter. We are soul bonded. No harm can be done to you. Trust that. You are not selfish for desiring to live. It's natural to be afraid of death. You know the prophecy. Only you can kill him. You'll survive this war Potter. I swear it."

"I don't really understand how it all works. If it's that easy to keep someone from harm, then why doesn't Voldemort just soul bond with someone so that no harm can be done to him."

"There are things that you don't know about this bond we share. Things that I am not prepared to tell you for your own good." He opens his mouth to say something, but then closes it immediately.

"How can you expect me to trust you when you can't even trust me with the nature of whatever it is we share." The way he's crouched down has his loose shirt hanging lower. There is something about his ivory collar bones that is just...

"Potter. I will not sugarcoat it. I do not feel confident in myself to adequately explain myself. I make an oath to you that when I am mentally prepared, I will explain everything to you, but I need time." He's human. Sometimes it's so hard to see him like that. He's not well put together. He's just a man still trying to figure things out at times.

"Alright." I say.