Survival Bonds

Chapter 46: Rescue the Princess

I'm not sure which of us is more awkward. Severus or me. Probably Severus. He doesn't know how to lean on anyone. He doesn't know how to express needs or wants. He's painfully shy. In fact. It's adorable.

He's pacing the room. The potion club is meeting today to discuss some potential something or other. I don't really know because I didn't come up with the excuse. But, the potion club which is basically just Megan and myself- since everyone else has more or less quit the club- are meeting this evening. And Severus the Potion's master is going to aid in our discovery of the art of mixing blah blah. It's a glorified lie so that Severus can non- suspiciously speak with his Princess.

He's excited. But he's also terrified.

He's been pacing the room all day muttering nervously.

"Severus, I've already told you that she cares about you. She's excited to speak to you as her uncle."

"She doesn't know me." He throws up his hands. "No. This isn't a good idea. I'll say something wrong. Or she will realize that I'm not... the guardian she thinks I am. I'm not fit. I'm not." I lay my hand on his arm and gently smile.

"You aren't going to be alone. I'll be there too. You were a good guardian and you loved her as much as any parent could ever love their child. I know you are scared." The moment I say scared he goes into a full on panic.

"Harry please. I change my mind."

"You can't change your mind. Severus, she will be expecting us."

"No!" He shouts. "I don't want to disappoint her." I understand. He wouldn't want her to think badly of him. He wouldn't want someone he loves so dearly to look at him as if he were a disappointment. It's scary. Of course he's terrified. When I wrap my arms around him, he at least calms down some.

"Severus, you will not disappoint her. You love her. She knows that. That's all that matters. Stop thinking about all those things that you hate about yourself." He looks away from me so I pull him tighter against me. "I love you. I know that you are nervous. That's okay. But she cares about you. She already cares about you. With the war, there is only so much that we can do without it looking suspicious, but this is something we can do. She happens to be the president of the potions club and you are the potion's master. This is something no one would question and I know you want to meet her. I know you want to ask her about her life. And her friends. Her hopes and dreams. I know you want to know all about her, and we can do that."

His eyes are closed as I cradle him against me. I can feel him shaking against me. I know he wants to meet her. I also know that Severus is prone to self-loathing when left to his thoughts. I don't want to manipulate him...

But sometimes he needs a gentle nudge.

"If you have really changed your mind, then I can go and tell her that something came up. If you want me to lie for you so you have more time, I can say that you were suddenly called to the headmasters or that some students were in an out of bounds area. I can come up with something, but she's not going to be disappointed with you... however. She will be disappointed if you do not come."

And this is really all the push he needs. Because he loves her and would not want to do anything to upset her.

"Harry, I am not adept at getting others to like me." My thumb trails under his chin and I pull him into a chaste kiss. There is no heat behind the kiss. It isn't out of desire so much as comfort. When I pull my lips from his, I smile softly.

"Severus, once you let down all of your walls and stop hiding, I don't think anyone could not love you." His ears are slightly pink and his eyes slightly wide. "When this awful war is over you can drop all of your pretenses. You can be as soft and squishy as I know you are." He opens his mouth to make some angry retort, but I cut him off with another kiss. Again, just a short one. "Severus, I know you are strong and skilled. I know that you are talented enough with a wand to fight off anyone. And I know you are incredibly fierce in protecting those you care about. But I also know that you enjoy being held and comforted. You enjoy being spoiled and I want nothing more than to help create a world where you can be relaxed and content."