Survival Bonds

Chapter 20: Awkward Shower

He's in my care. Stark naked and dripping under the spray of the shower. He's propped against the wall as I manually wash him. He's to drained to fight me. Or even say anything. Something similar to shame darkens his sharp features, but he doesn't have much choice. He's hard. I don't say anything about it. I'm fully dressed and soaked. I was not about to make the situation more uncomfortable for him, but he needs a good through cleaning. I can tell that's what he wants.

He always wants a shower when he gets back from the death eater meetings. Only this time he's not quite able to do it himself. He's spoken very little, but I have the feeling he was drugged. Given something to make him... respond. His legs are pressed tightly together in a futile attempt to hide himself.

Semen is leaking from his anus. He can hardly hold himself up even while using the wall.

"Severus." I say calmly. He deliberately looks away from me. Gently I squeeze his hand. "We have to clean inside you." He's shaking his head desperately while trying to back away from me. "Severus. It's okay. Lean against me. I'll hold you up while you..." I don't finish speaking. He pushes himself securely into the wall. His dark eyes are bloodshot and puffy. He's been crying. I swallow that thought down. "Severus. Please. Either you have to or I will. I know you want to be clean, and I know you don't want to rely on me, but I'm the one who's here. I'm not going to hurt you. I swear."

"I'll never be clean." He says so quietly that I can hardly hear him over the spray of the shower. My arms wrap tightly around him. I can feel his sharp bones digging jaggedly into me. I can feel his skin flushed and warm from arousal. I can feel his erection pressed between us, and I force my overactive hormones to die. Now is not the time for that.

"If you're dirty, then I'm dirty." I say as clearly into his ear as I can. His body is shaking in my arms but I'm not really sure from which emotion. A muted half moan leaves his mouth just before he shamefully cums all over my shirt. Weak arms attempt to push me away, but I don't let him. "It's okay Severus. Don't worry about that right now. We need to get you clean. I know you don't want to be touched right now, but if you can't do it, then I will. And I know that means that you'll be angry with me. And I know that means that you may not trust me as much afterwards, but damn it. You can't just leave it in there. So, I'll hold you up. I know this is embarrassing for you, but I'll hold you up."

One of my arms goes under his and wraps around his middle, while the other rests against the back of his head. My fingers pat down his slick hair in a futile attempt to keep him calm. I fight down any semblance of desire that I may feel. I don't want to be aroused in this situation. I don't want to ever take advantage of him, but the way his fingers desperately dig into my shoulder and the way his narrow hips feverously press against me is tricking my 'other brain'. This is not him acting for sex, this is him drugged and ashamed. His other hand is reaching around, but he can't so much as insert a finger before he's screaming another release.

"I can't! I can't!" He screams on shaky knees.

"Severus. I know this is difficult, but..."

"I can't." He feels so small against me. Even though he's taller than me, he's found a way to curl into my neck. Both hands are on my shoulders, digging in if only to keep himself sane.

"How long will it last?" I ask him quietly. He's shaking his head.

"The effects can last for several days, but after twenty four hours, I can at least suppress it enough to control myself."

"I know you said that magic can't be used, but maybe..."

"Any invasive spells, including cleaning ones only negatively influence the potion. It was ingested anally, which makes it absorbed by the blood stream quicker. Spells will only make the situation worse." His back arches and his teeth are clinched tightly. He seems to manage to fight this orgasm down at least. "Spells make it worse. I know that first hand." He shakes his head. I hate to think of him dealing with this own his own. At one point, he did.

"Severus, we have to clean you." I wrap my arms tightly around him. "Severus." His entire body is tense. "You know that I will not hurt you. Right?"

"Potter. If I'm touched, then my body will..."

"I know you don't have control right now."

"It's humiliating."

"I'm sorry Severus. If I do anything that hurts or makes you uncomfortable, then tell me and I'll stop. I'm just going to clean you."

"Potter. Being uncomfortable or hurt isn't what I'm worried about." His voice is quiet again.

"I'll do it as quickly as I can." I wait for him to nod. Well. This entire situation is awkward. "Alright Severus. I have you." He's tightly holding on to me. One of my hands is on the back of his head, and the other is just over his bum. "Severus. It's okay." My middle finger breaches the ring of muscles. He shivers and then presses against my leg before he can stop himself. "It's okay Severus. This will not take long." I try to not feel sick at the amount of semen leaking out of him now. The spray of the shower is rinsing most of it away. Gently I prod inside of him causing more of the insulting fluids to flow out of him and finally down the drain.

Honestly, I'm moving my finger very little and instead simply letting him headily rock against it. I don't say anything to him. Not hurting him is my first priority, and if he's cleaned out without feeling any discomfort, then that is preferable.

The sounds he is making are adorably arousing, and I have to remind myself why I'm in the shower with him. The foreign smells have been washed off of him, and he's back to smelling like himself. I notice less and less semen coming out of him until finally there's none. I try to pull my finger out of him, but he only moans and presses back until it's inside of him again.

He's intoxicated. Drunk from the potion.

"Severus. We're done. You're clean inside." I don't have as much control as I need in this situation.

"It's good." He moans.

"Severus. You don't want this." He doesn't want this.

"Please. Inside." I can hear him crying. "Hurts. Need it inside."

"Severus." I'm trying to calm him, but it's so difficult to do that when he's lovingly grinding against me. I don't have the will power for this. I turn off the shower and he completely collapses against me. "I'm going to take you to your room." He looks up at me and his eyes are out of focused with need. "I'm going to take care of you Severus." He tilts his head.

"Take care?" He asks pressing against me. I can't push him off of me. He's to injured to stand on his own.

"Not like that Severus." I bite my bottom lip to refocus. "You and I are bonded. There are things I have to do that you don't like in order to help you, but. You don't want this." His head is tiredly laying on my chest.

"I do Harry." His voice is husky and meltingly submissive.

"Then we will talk about this when you are more stable. You have already told me that you don't have control over your actions; I will not take advantage of that." I grab a towel and lightly dry him off. His arm is pulled over me as I help him to his room.

Still semi damp, I lay him in his bed. Before I can find him clothing to put on, his hand weakly grabs my soaked shirt.

"Don't go." The desire from earlier isn't fully gone, but the primary tone has been replaced with something. Something that reminds me of loneliness. Isolation. Fear. "I don't want to be alone." He curls into a tight ball. He looks ashamed of himself.

I think he's fighting himself. He's ashamed to be aroused and needy, but he is. He can't help it.

Gently I squeeze his hand.

"Severus. My clothes are soaked from the shower. I'm just going to borrow some of your clothes. I'll quickly change. I won't leave you, but I'm also not going to... take advantage of you." He's crying, but he's to tired to really seem to notice or care.

"I know Harry. T..thank you." And I could be wrong. I could just be overly hopeful, but I think I can visibly see him trust me, just a little more.