Survival Bonds

Chapter 69: Severus is not housebroken

Everyday I'm stronger, and not just physically. I can feel my magical inheritance getting stronger. The feel is much more intoxicating than it was when my powers first unlocked. I feel like this power could corrupt anyone if they allowed themselves. It's too much for one vessel.

Dumbledore has the inheritance from three of the four founders. If he is feeling three times what I am feeling then it's no wonder he became so... corrupt. There is something about this immense power that makes you both feel unstoppable and insignificant. With this power no one could stand in my way, and yet... there is something hollow about it.

I have no doubt that Dumbledore has a goal. He is not a stupid man. He has a goal. A mission. I don't know what that could be, and honestly, I'm afraid to know. It was always strange to me that a man known to be the greatest wizard of our time 'lowered' himself to be nothing more than a headmaster. It was peculiar

I convinced myself when I was a student that no doubt it was because this honorable man saw molding the minds of children to be a great service.

"You are deep in thought." Severus says to me effectively breaking my concentration.

"No, I wasn't." He shakes his head.

"You've always bitten your bottom lip when you are deep in thought. I noticed it your first year. Every test. Every question you were given. You would always bite your bottom lip. So, you are deep in thought. But what could be filling the mind of such an empty-headed boy." The tone is teasing and it actually puts me at ease.

"I just don't know what his plan could be. And I don't know how I can possibly stop him." Severus sits on the edge of the bed next to me.

"I'm not above running away like a coward. Let's take those we care about, change our names, and go into hiding. Let others clean up this mess and let us actually have a bit of peace and happiness."

"You know we can't."

"Of course we can. You've done your part. You took down the dark lord, why should you have to take down another. Why should you have to save the world again."

"Because I'm the only one that can stop him. And I will either succeed or his plan will come to fruition." I say snippier than I intended.

"And how exactly do you plan to defeat a man that has more than triple the experience you have?" His voice is more than antagonistic.

"The same way I defeated the troll my first year, and the snake in the chamber of secrets, and Voldemort, and all the other things I've done. With sheer dumb luck. I've come this far. I think that's pretty good for a boy who spent his first eleven years in a cupboard. And if you don't think I can, well you better think again. I've blasted you across the room in the shrieking shack, and survived against dragons and dementors. Imposters and mazes. And a psycho woman obsessed with cats making me write lines into my own skin. I can handle an old man like Dumbledore just fine." I say raising my voice.

Severus leans forward and lightly kisses me on the lips. He almost never initiates kissing. When he pulls back he has an easy smirk on his face. "There you are. I was afraid for a minute that I was sleeping with an imposter. Doubt doesn't suit you. Over confidence is much more becoming on you. It'll be dangerous. But I believe this is worth fighting for." I squint my eyes at him in suspicion.

"You were egging me on on purpose."

"I've spent enough time with you to know how to get under your skin. Don't think you've house trained me just yet." He yawns. "I've put Ms Granger on researching Dumbledore. She was able to get to personal records in the ministry of magic- I think you and that Weasley boy were a bad influence on her- She was able to sneak in much to easily for my liking She is researching estates he may have and doing her part for this upcoming war."

"If anyone can find a lead, it's 'mione. No one can research like her."

Severus exhales and lays back on the bed. In a strange show of affection, he pulls me against him on his chest. Normally our roles are reversed. "Severus?" I ask.

"If you keep overworking your brain, then it will melt from the strain of unfamiliar activity." The tone is reminiscent of cruel comments he use to say, but there is a playful tone to his voice now. "I know you are under a lot of stress. I know you are desperate to protect me and our small group. I know you are scared. I know you are much to young to be under this level of expectations. I know that you think you have to carry the weight of everything on your shoulders. I know I'm not the... 'man' in this relationship and I am often the one being coddled by you. But Harry. You can rely on me. You can lean on me. You can trust that I can be strong for you too. I know you have been having nightmares, and you have been pretending like you haven't. We share a bed. You normally don't move in your sleep, but you have been recently. I do notice these things, but it bothers me that you haven't confided in me how anxious I know you are."

"It's just not something I'm use to talking about. There was never anyone that I could lean on. I know you understand that."

"But that isn't the case anymore." He says gently. "Not for either of us. I'm doing my part Harry. I'm opening up to you even though it's not what I'm use to or what I'm comfortable doing. Now, I expect you to do the same."

"I'll try." It's really all I can muster right now. His arm lays over me and I know he has no intention of letting me go. I have been having nightmares lately, but when I wake up, all of them are fuzzy and I can't remember anything. All I have to show of it is a throbbing headache. His fingers pet my hair affectionately. He doesn't respond. And I don't volunteer anymore words.

The feel of his fingers lull me into a state of peace. The sheer number of nightmares has made my sleeping restless. I've been so tired and trying to act as though I wasn't. The feel of his fingers lull me into a state of comfort. Right now, I am the small one. Right now, I am the one folded against him. Right now, I am the one being coddled and protected. Right now, I am the one that is safe and being watched over.

It is a foreign feeling. Severus on all accounts is a very intimidating man. It's easy to feel safe when he is guarding you. At first I wondered silently why it felt so familiar and yet so foreign.

He has always been protecting me. Mostly in the shadows. With a cruel expression and emotionless eyes, he protect me completely. I was always in danger. But I always had someone protecting me and watching over me.

I never succeed because of sheer dumb luck.

I succeeded because I was never fighting alone.

I succeeded because there was always my queen ready to swoop in and save me from the enemy pawns.

I can feel myself floating. A voice that I shouldn't know is mouthing words into my ear like whispers.

I cannot understand a single word.

'What?' I ask the voice. I cannot see anything over than a voice of shifting white and black. The voice calls out more insistently, but still I cannot hear. 'I can't hear you. I don't know what you are trying to say.'

A scream of pain splits through the silence and I have to cover my ears to keep from crying out in mirrored pain.

'I don't know what you are trying to tell me.' I cry out. And real tears are pouring from my eyes. Dread and emptiness seeps into my core.

'Ravenclaw Mannor.'