Survival Bonds

Chapter 61: Coming together

The first kiss is how I presume most to be. Shy and tentative. Exploring. Slow. I can feel the nervousness like electricity between us, but it neither slows us down or deters us. It feels like all the build up is finally releasing and neither of us are quick to rush to the conclusion.

Just like the rest of our relationship, we are going at our own pace. If he pulls away from me to gasp for air, I give him the time to come back to his senses. I give him all the time he needs to press the pads of his fingers against his kiss swollen lips. I give him all the time to softly smile.

Is he completely prepared for what is to come? No. No. But neither am I. The unsureness is raw against my skin and I have to remind myself that even if it's not perfect, because it's him and me, it will still be perfect.

His tongue is intoxicating. His body language more submissive than I've ever seen before. Not detached from the situation though. Severus is still very much present in our bout of making out. He's active in his hesitant touches, but his overall posture is small and compliant.

Submissive doesn't mean inattentive.

This time when he pulls away panting, his fingers twist into mine until he's desperately clutching my hand. His expressive dark eyes are sealed tightly shut.

"Harry, I'm scared." And although I don't want him to feel that way, I can't help but smile. Because his hand never lets go of mine and he's finally relying on me.

"Do you want to stop?" I ask while smoothing his hair- even though I already know his answer.

"No." He swallows nervously then opens his eyes. Two twin pools of dark abyss search my eyes as if trying to find an answer to a question he hasn't asked. "Please don't stop."

"Alright Severus. Can I take off your underwear or do you want to keep going like this for longer?" He doesn't answer and instead just starts shimmying the clothes down his hips.

And Merlin he's hard.

"It's not fair that you are still dressed." He says.

It's a little embarrassing undressing in front of him. I've always been a bit modest, and I know that I'm not exactly built like most guys my age. Maybe it was the neglect that stunted my growth. Severus is still taller than me, but I'm definitely broader than him- not that that means much. To his credit, he doesn't look to much while I undress just like I don't look to much at him. Steeling my crazy nerves, I turn to face him, he's not looking at me. His voice sounds unsure.

"I know I'm not exactly much to look at." Severus has his knees pulled up to his chest. His face is turned completely away from me. Creamy skin tempts me. Merlin, I want him.

"Severus." He doesn't respond. "Severus look at me." I patiently wait. When he does eventually face me, his mouth hangs slightly agape as he stares unabashed. "Does it look like I'm unattracted to you?"

"You're hard."

"Yea." Really Harry! Is that the best you can respond? "So are you." His pale features take on a much pinker tint as he looks down.

"Yea." He is so adorable.

"Severus. Can I see?" Lightly I press against his chest to ease him down. He's nervous, but he does relax against the bed. His hair fans out around him and I give him a minute to calm his nerves. Lightly I place my hand on his stomach and with the smallest amount of pressure, I trace the lines of his body. "It's okay that we are both nervous." Admitting this out loud certainly helps. "Can I see you Severus?"

Knees separate as his hands crease the sheets under him. His chest is rising and falling somewhat evenly.

"Just like that. Severus, may I touch you?" His mouth hangs open for a moment as he finds words. Tears dot his eyes, but I don't say anything. It's okay Severus. I understand. You don't have to explain why you are crying. I understand. I've also never been given the option for consent. But I'm not going to take that choice from you.