Survival Bonds

Chapter 9: Goodnight my princess

In my room, I lay in my bed thinking. It wasn't any of my business. But I wanted it to be. The phantom pain comes back, and I have to stifle the groan. Everything hurts, but just like last time, it goes away quickly. Niffy had a look of betrayal on her face. Snape did as well.

I know he's a private man. I know that he keeps everyone at arms-length, and that seems to be where he wants them. I don't understand what possessed me. Being held at arms-length isn't something I want. Not form him. He's saved me. A few times actually. We've had sex. Granted it was more for the sake of cementing out bond, but haven't we always had a bond. Not necessarily a favorable one, but a bond nonetheless.

I wasn't afraid of him. I never was. And Snape. He didn't treat me special. And by not treating me special, he treated me differently than anyone else. I was Harry Potter: an annoying student that just so happens to be the boy who lived. Not the boy who lived who happens to also be Harry Potter. I've been given leeway because of who I am. Something I've not even really done. I didn't defeat Voldemort when I was a baby. My mother's love defeated him. I was just the by product. But because I'm famous and because I'm an orphan. I've been treated special.

I'd be lying if I said that I didn't like it at first. I did. It felt nice being important. Going from eating table scraps to some enviable. Someone that others would want to be around. I couldn't fathom that existence before I learned about the magical world.

It got old quick.

I stopped trying to date. Sure, there were a couple of girls early on, but as strange as it feels to say. I didn't want to be a notch on their belt. I didn't want to read the stories in the daily prophet. 'I snogged the boy who lived.' I didn't want to read them.... Again.

He was cruel to me. But he was cruel to everyone. Even Slytherins on occasion when they did something particularly stupid. One time I actually overheard him deducting points from Draco Malfoy. It was just the two of them. I'm not even sure what he did to deserve the deductions, but if Snape's yelling was anything to go on, it was and I'm quoting "the stupidest thing you have ever done. Thirty points from Slytherin, and twenty more for assuming I wouldn't take points from my own house."

My chest aches.

I shouldn't even care. He's a prat. A bitter annoying confusing man.

But this is the first place that has ever felt like home.

At first, I thought I could think of Hogwarts as home. But there was no one there that really loved me. Not that Snape loves me. That's a ridiculous notion.

My door cracks open and I turn to see Wendy. She scampers up to the bed. I help her up and she sits smiling cross legged.

"Hi Harhar!" Her arms envelop me in a hug.

"Wendy, aren't you upset with me. I really hurt your master." She tilts her head.

"Wenwen no mad." She reaches up to pat my head. "Sevy sad. Harhar sad. Wenwen no mad."

"Wendy, I'm the one who made him sad." She blinks a few times then brings her finger to her mouth in thought.

"Wenwen broke bottle. Bottle had stuff inside. Wenwen sorry. Sevy said 'acciden' happen'. Sometim' people mistakes. Wenwen make mistakes. Sevy still loves Wenwen. Sevy make mistakes. Wenwen still love Sevy. Gotta say sorry. Harhar make mistakes. Gotta say sorry."

"Wendy, sorry isn't going to fix this." Her hand ceases rubbing the top of my head and lightly hits it.

"Harhar make mistakes. Gotta say sorry."