Survival Bonds

Chapter 21: Torture

He's panting breathlessly. I just bite my lip harder to remind myself to stay in control. The blanket is pulled to his waist. I've tried to hide as much of his pale skin from my eyes as I can. The light fabric keeps falling to his hips though.

Porcelain skin lightly blemished with faded pink scars tempt me; so, I shake the thoughts away. He's begged me to not leave him. I think he's more fragile than he wants me to believe, but he's also terrified to be touched. He has an unrestrained need to embraced. To be coddled right now. To be pleasured. He also has the fear to counter that.

Severus cannot control himself. Shoved between us is a pillow that mostly camouflages the deliberate rocking that his narrow bony hips cannot stop. Deliciously pink nipples are erect and cutely stand out on the heated skin.

I desire him.

I do not know wholly why. Or for how long. Perhaps it is the bond. His logic has been dulled since he is drugged and maybe that sense of desperation is leaking into my own sanity. Either way, I desire him. More than that, I desire his trust. So I will remain here in this endless torture. Having his body molded against mine desperately begging me to touch him, while also timidly trusting me to not do just that.

"H..Harry." I gently stroke his hair.

"It's okay. I'm here. I promise, I will not hurt you." I would never hurt him, but pleasuring him is on the same level as hurting him. I know that.

"I'm scared!" He half screams between muted moans. "I don't want this." I try to gently embrace him. I try to coax his head safely against my shoulder.

"I know Severus. It'll just be a day, then you'll be in control again. I promise, I will not hurt you."

"I don't want you to see me like this." His body spasms and he's moaning throatily through a beautiful sounding release.

"I'm sorry Severus. I know this is difficult, but before you didn't want me to leave. Have you changed your mind?" I don't know if I want him to have or not. I don't want to leave him, but this is torture. Sweet intoxicating torture.

"I don't want to be alone." His shaking hands grip the shirt I have on. It's his shirt. He couldn't even stand for me to leave the room long enough to find some clothes of my own. It only reminds me that he's naked under that blanket. There's no need to dress him, he will only dirty them through the numerous releases.

"Then, I will not leave you alone. I can control myself Severus." He seems to be breathing in my scent. I have to remind myself that I have more control than him right now.

"It was horrible." His arms are wrapped around me as if he's afraid I'll leave him. "Circled. Watched mockingly as whoever pleases defiles me." There is a hint of anger behind the lusty voice. "My body no longer in my control. Forced to respond. Forced to feel things I do not want to feel." The sharp bite of his nails in my back hurt, but I don't stop him. If I need to be the catalyst for his anger, then I will. If that helps him right now. Then I will happily take the pain. "I don't want to feel good!" He screams.

My fingers softly rub into his upper back.

"It isn't your fault Severus. It's over now. You're safe."

"It hurts so bad." He's crying. I can't see his face, but I can hear it. "It hurts so bad. And so good. Burning from the inside out. Cumming from being raped." His hands grab my hips and he uses that grip to anchor himself against me. The pillow in both of our laps does nothing to hide his hardness. "You shouldn't touch me. I'll defile you. I already have."

"You haven't done anything wrong Severus. I will not leave you."

"I shouldn't feel pleasure at being raped!" He screams and his fingers bruise me. He's shaking.

"It isn't your fault. You were drugged." My fingers tangle in his hair and though it's still damp, I enjoy the feel of it. "It's okay now Severus. It's over." He's hunched into me.

"It'll never be over." He says morosely.

"Severus." He doesn't fight my embrace. I feel like my heart is pounding in my throat. "I'm seventeen today." I gently wrap my arm around his narrow body. "I will try to be someone that you can rely on. I know that I'm not the most reliable person, but I want to be someone that you can rely on. I want to be someone you can trust. I know that you've been hurt before. I know you are hurt now. And I know you still see me as a disobedient brat, but you and I are soul bonded. I don't need someone to carelessly put themselves in danger just to keep me safe. I can keep you safe to." I didn't realize I was whispering until I feel him shiver in my arms. "Severus. Are you okay." His back arches.

"Merlin. Please. Do not whisper my name like that." My throat feels impossibly dry. I can feel his long legs circling around me. His head falls back as he's panting loudly. His neck is stretched tautly as his back arches pushing his pelvis harder against mine. "This blasted pillow is in the way." He whines unhappily.

"Severus. We have to leave the pillow in-between us. You don't have enough control right now, and I do not want you to do something you would regret. I will not leave, but the pillow has to stay between us." Gently, I pull his long body back against me. "Just lay here in my arms Severus. This is all I can give you right now. But when you are in control of yourself again, if we both wish to pursue an intimate relationship, then we will then." He's laughing bitterly while grinding against the pillow.

"You would not want me."

"Shh. Don't think that." It's hard to keep my hands above his waist as he pulls another orgasm from himself. It's hard to lay there comforting him as he throws himself in and out of self -loathing rants, but I don't leave him. And I don't let my carnal desires take over even when he begs me to touch him. Because his words me nothing right now.

I don't leave his side until he's tiredly blinking and his body slowly returns to being his. This takes a full day.

I have to help him to the shower to clean him thoroughly again. He's covered in so much of his own semen. He can hardly keep his eyes open. With clean sheets on his bed, I lay him down gently and find some clothes to put on him. He's watching me suspiciously.

Without the lust clouding his judgement he's reminded of our positions. Unfortunately for him, his body is to exhausted to protest.

Once I dress him, I get him comfortable and then cover him. He says nothing.

"Severus. I promise, I will not bring up what happened yesterday. If you want to talk about it, then we will otherwise, I will not ask you to talk about it. For now, please get some rest. I know you are tired." His cheeks are a faint pink, but he just turns away.

I leave him and close the door with a soft click.

The hormone crazed part of my brain begs that I go to my room for a quick wank, but I have something more important to do.

I find Niffy.

It takes a while to convince her, but it's not necessarily difficult. After all, she wants what is best for Severus. With that logic, the two of us set out.

It takes surprisingly little time to meet with the headmaster. In his office, I should feel intimated, but I don't. I should feel small under his powerful knowing eyes, but I feel strong. And sure of myself.

"Mr. Potter, for what do I owe the honor of this unprompted visit?" I take a moment to gather my thoughts and how I want to say the words. I'm not doing this for me. I'm doing it for Severus, and with that thought fueling the others, it's much easier to remind myself why I'm here.

"Headmaster, Severus will no longer be acting as a spy for the light."