Survival Bonds

Chapter 19: He Needs Me

I'm pacing. I can't calm down. I'll occasionally feel a searing pain shoot up my back before it vanishes. It hurts so bad. He's still not back. Niffy is sitting watching me pace. She's tried to calm me. Assure me that him being gone for long lengths is normal. But he still isn't back. I refuse to lie to myself. Of course, I'm concerned. Of course, I'm worried. I feel sick. Like I could throw up at any moment. I feel like I need to throw up. And I can only guess that it's because he feels that way.

In the same spot as before, a mountain of bedding has been laid down. For when he apparates back I'm sure.

Brux is sitting next to the mountain staring at it blindly. "I don't know when he will be back Harry." He says quietly but clearly. "I can see flashes of what will happen, but I am not all knowing. I know he will be hurt. I know he will need help. But I cannot see when it will happen." Niffy lovingly touches his head.

"You are doing your best." She says encouraging. Zend is beside his brother already prepared with potions.

"I need a distraction." I say more to myself. Little Wendy grabs my hand and pulls me down on the floor.

"Wen wen has been here second longest!" She says proudly.

"I don't understand what you mean Wendy." She tilts her head then looks over at the other elves.

"She means Harry, that she was the second elf that Sevey took in. I was the first. Then Wendy, then Brux, then Zend." Niffy says while easing gently on the ground as well. "For each of us, Sevey was instructed to kill us. We had no use to the wizard families we were once apart of. Wendy was a newborn at the time. Only a few days old when Sevey took her in. He told me that she was to be my daughter." Niffy smiles lovingly at the smallest of the three house elves. "I was never able to have any children of my own. I was unable. Because of that, I have always had a fondness for little ones." She looks sadly down at the floor. "And that also went for the little ones of the wizard family I was once part of."

"Niffy?" She looks up at me.

"That's how I was injured like this. I got between the wee little one and a werewolf. The wizard family I was part of, followed that horrible man that Sevey is with right now. They displeased that horrible man and as punishment, he threw their baby to some werewolf that was working with him. I was ordered to allow the atrocity. I couldn't." She touches her mangled leg. "I loved that baby. I'm sure somewhere I still do. I believe that the mother at least was thankful, but still. They had no need for a useless elf. They asked Sevey to 'dispose' of me. So. He did. In his own way."

"What was the family?"

"The Malfoys. But it was a very long time ago. Sevey still watches over little Draco for me. I'm sure he has no knowledge of the house elf that loved him like her own, but that was a very long time ago."

"Draco Malfoy." I say more to myself. He was loved by this elf so much that she was willing to die to keep him safe.

"I'm still not sure what possessed Sevey to save me. But I can guess. That was shortly after your mother protected you. Maybe because I did something similar it stood out to him. He mostly left me to my vices. Ignored me more like." She laughs lightly. "He was just a wizard that opened his home for me, I knew nothing of him." Her eyes are cloudy. "And then Princess. Little Princess." She shakes her head. "All of the life in this home surfaced with her, and then left with her. I didn't think I would ever see my master smile again. I didn't think he would recover. He became so bitter. So angry. I cannot blame him for it." Princess again. She seems to be a reoccurring theme that is never really talked about even though everyone seems to know about her. Except for me.

"Then Sevey adopted Wen Wen!" Wendy says excitedly. She holds out her hands to indicate something small. "Wen Wen was only this big." Her smiles is large.

"Yes, little Wendy." Niffy pats the small head again. "Sevey stood holding her as if she was the something that was missing. I still think it's because of her name. I'm sure it reminded him of his own Princess. How could he not love this one too." Niffy looks almost sad. "Sevey has had to fight for any happiness. Everything has been taken. Wendy, Brux, and Zend are secrets. No one can know. Because Sevey needs them."

Wendy jumps up excitedly. "Sevey has Harhar too!" Little Wendy sits on my lap. "Wendy likes Harhar." She's smiling at me with large eyes. Her pointed ears twitch and it's to adorable to not melt. I'm sure she's part of the reason Severus is so soft here. It's hard to be harsh under this much love.

"I really like it here. It actually feels like I'm part of a family." The strange thing is, I really feel that way. All of us. Including Severus. He's a git. Sure enough. A bastard at times as well. But. I want him to be happy. We are stuck with each other. Most likely for the remainder of both of our lives. He isn't going to break the bond. I just can't let him do that. "I like you too Wendy. I like all of you very much." Wendy smiles at me.

The pain hasn't left. Not fully. It occasionally surfaces then fades back. I hate it, but at least I know he's alive. Hurting unbearably but alive. I don't want him to go back. He's putting himself in unnecessary danger. I don't want Severus to keep putting himself in danger.

I watch Brux bite the side of his mouth. He's in thought, questioning something, but not ready just yet to say it out loud. When he stands all eyes are on him.

"Wendy. Can you help me organize the books in Sevey's lab. He would like to have it done for when he gets back." She nods excitedly, clearly happy to help. Then remembering that the other elf can't see she shouts.

"Yes! Wen Wen help!"

"Good. You go first, I will be right there." She's taking the stairs, but before Brux follows after her he pauses. "He will not want to be seen by anyone. Harry, please. Just." The elf grasps his arms together in a protective manner. "Don't leave him alone and don't hurt him. We are all very fond of him."

"I don't understand. What should I do to help him?" Brux shakes his head.

"Zend, explain how to use the potions to Harry and then you should come help as well. Mama and Harry can handle this on their own. I think... I hope." He doesn't sound very sure of himself. Regardless, he leaves.

I try to pay excellent attention to Zend's instructions. What potion goes first, what is ingested and what is applied externally. I pay attention because it's important. I pay attention because I need to be able to help him. I need to be someone that he can lean on. I have to grow up. I have to be someone that isn't just protected. I'm Seventeen.

Once Zend leaves, Niffy and I wait in quiet. I don't pace the floor like before though. I stay calm. I try to practice occlumency while I can. I try to stay calm. I try to not worry. I try to stay calm. I feel like I'm holding my breath until I hear the familiar sound of someone apparateing. And then the not so familiar sound of him screaming.

On the ground. Clothes mostly torn. Curled into a pitiful fetal position. Screaming. His eyes are twisted shut and his knees pulled up almost to his chest. Immediately I move.

I'm smearing potions over any injury I can and forcing him to drink down the various liquids. Even as he screams terrifyingly at me. Even as he pushes me away. Even as he screams and begs for me to not touch him. I push on. Because I know he's not screaming at me. Because I know he needs me to be calm right now. He needs me to be calm and to take care of him.

He needs me to act as though I can't see the blood staining the back of his pants.

He needs me.

He needs me.