Survival Bonds

Chapter 44: Detention

Draco, Severus, and I are in the forbidden forest. It's ominously quiet as always.

"You stood up to the headmaster! Are you deranged?" Draco chastises.

"I didn't expect him to blast me across the room."

"Most wouldn't expect that from him." Severus says. He kneels to gather up an ingredient. Draco hands out a vial and I store it carefully with the others. "He doesn't make it a habit. Naturally if he did that to every unruly student that came to him, there would be too many people to make a stand against him."

"Did he ever attack you?" I ask Severus, but I'm pretty sure I already know the answer.

"I was a particularly lost child. I maintained high grades, but I was often in trouble for fighting. More often than not I was defending myself, but that wasn't an excuse. When I first found out that Remus Lupin is a werewolf, I was nearly killed. Your godfather told me how to find them- I'm sure he only meant to scare me, but had your father not intervened, I likely would have died. I'm sure he only saved me in order to save Lupin, but regardless. I learned that Lupin is a werewolf and that his friends knew. I had scars- I still do. I told Dumbledore. I just assumed he didn't know. It was against the law at that time to allow such a student into Hogwarts or safety reasons. I told him. Well. The short of it is, he already knew. And I was not permitted to tell anyone. Not about Lupin being a werewolf and not about the marauders being Animagus."

He again kneels to harvest what looks like a pale pink flower.

"I told him it wasn't safe for there to be a werewolf student and that I was going to tell the ministry. I had scars as proof that there was a werewolf and it wouldn't be difficult for them to verify. He told me that I wasn't going to do that. When I didn't back down. He did much the same to me as he did to you. I was forcibly sworn to secrecy. No doubt Black would have been expelled and that would have drawn unnecessary attention to the school. I was basically an orphan at the time no one would care that I was scared. I was still set on outing Remus- but I was basically threatened. I didn't have anywhere to go. No one that would take me in. If I couldn't live at Hogwarts than..." He stops talking.

"Severus." Draco touches his arm.

"Why did you out Remus when he was a teacher?" I ask. "Wouldn't Dumbledore be upset over that."

"I was ordered too. I don't know much about the headmaster's plans. I just carried them out. My situation wasn't any different. No one is likely to hire a deatheater- ex deatheater or otherwise. And the war is still going. And I needed to protect Lily's son and I'm just following orders along the way." He sounds really exhausted. "He never leaves any marks. But I know first hand that he's targeted more than just me and just Harry. I've had some Slytherins- granted no one important by social status. I even overheard a Hufflepuff boy years ago try to convince his friends that the headmaster attacked him. No one believed him and he was ostracized for lying about the headmaster."

Draco makes a disgusted noise.

"The old man needs to be forced to retire." He says. "I never liked him."

"He's done to much good. I don't know if he's a good person with malicious tendencies or if he's a malicious person with good tendencies. I'm not sure if it's all an act or not. I've seen him do amazing gestures. He seems to go all out for those that he favors. Hagrid is a fine groundskeeper. If Dumbledore had not hired him, then he would likely be unable to find any job. But I do not trust the headmaster enough to say for certain that he definitely did not aid in sending that gentle oaf to Azkaban himself. It would be a very strategic play. Hagrid is loyal enough to Dumbledore to cause violent tendencies if the headmaster is criticized in any way. I just do not know."

"Severus. I have been meaning to tell you. I hope you aren't too upset with me." He turns to me and even Draco is looking at me suspiciously. "I spoke with Megan." The ingredients in Severus's hands drop. He stands from his kneeling position and slowly walks towards me with an unrecognizable look. "I wasn't going to tell her anything." Draco looks confused. Maybe this isn't something to say around him. But Severus said we can trust him. And I trust him.

"What did you do." He looks terrified.

"I was just curious. I was curious if she was loved. I needed to know." He's torn. He's going back and forth and finally he asks.

"Is she?" It's like he's pleading. "Is she loved." I smile at him.

"Yes. She's loved. Her parents are supportive. And loving. And she's very happy." He's laughing in crazed relief. Thin trails of tears are flowing from his eyes without any shame of any kind.

"Good. That's good. She's happy." He repeats it over an over. "She's happy."

"Yes. She's happy. And when I talked to her, I was able to tell her something that made her even happier." He's taking steps back.

"You didn't tell her about me. Please. I don't want her to know. I... I've." He's looking at his hands. "I'm unfit." I grab his hands.

"Severus. She already knew. I wasn't going to tell her, but I had too. And she already knew. But she thought. Severus, she thought you didn't want her. She thought you knew that she was your Princess and that you just didn't care about her anymore." He's shaking his head frantically as if to dispel those words. "She was so happy when I told her that you loved her and always would."

"I'm unfit!" He's shouting desperately.

"No. You aren't. She loves you. She was so happy to find out that you didn't give her away because you didn't want her anymore. She was so happy to find out that you have always loved her. She didn't think you were unfit."

"What's going on." Draco is asking. Severus is still crying.

"My Princess. I... not fit. But she.." I grab him and I cradle him against my shoulder. He's been so stressed lately. He's been told for so long that he's not good enough and now being told that she's happy. And that she remembers him somewhat. And that she cares about him. It's too much. It's too much emotional turmoil for someone who strives to stay blank faced.

"Severus, may I tell him?" I ask gently. He's nodding into my shoulder. With my arm around Severus, I begin telling Draco all about Princess. And her room. Finding it. How he loved her. How he raised her. How she was taken from him. I told him everything as Severus clung to me.

"I'll kill that fucking old man." Draco's voice is dripping blood. While he says profanities and death threats, he places his hand on the middle of Severus's back and begins rubbing it soothingly. When Draco wraps his arms around Severus and the older man is trapped between us he seems to realize all at once that he's being comforted. He reacts as I expected him too and gently pushes us away from him while simultaneously assuring us that he's fine. Neither Draco or I are convinced, but we let him compose himself. "I can't believe he said you were unfit. You've watched me a lot, I know first hand how doting you can be." Severus doesn't look like he believes him. "I'm sure you were the most loving guardian to her that anyone could possibly be." He still seems like he doubts himself, but he doesn't say anything.

"I don't understand why it's so important for Dumbledore to take away any shred of happiness you have."

"It... isn't something I should discuss."

"Severus?" I ask. "Dumbledore has never... tried anything with you. Has he?" I ask.

"No." Severus says and I know he's not lying. "Dumbledore has never expressed any interest of that sort with me. I simply was not one of the students that he favored. He favors Gryffindor's. Your father was someone he favored. As was Black. Remus. And Pettigrew. He also until recently appeared to favor you. I believe he likes those that see him as a grand hero. When you stopped being an obedient chess piece you must have lost favor with him."

"Of course we already knew that he favors his own house." Draco says, and Severus pauses.

"Well. Yes. He does. But I've been in the dark lord's arms enough times to him to be loose lipped. He told me many things. Things that don't necessarily matter in terms of war, but there was a student that Dumbledore favored that was not a Gryffindor. According to the dark lord, when he was a student, Dumbledore let him get away with literal murder. For whatever reason, Dumbledore was fond of Tom Riddle."