VAMPIRE'S KISS

72

"It's about..."

"Hmmm..."

"It is about your departure." matamtaman kong wika habang titig na titig sa kanyang mga mata.

This feeling is so familiar. Hindi ko matukoy kung bakit, he really has done something on me, didn't he?

Hindi ko alam. Nakakapaso ang kanyang mga titig, mas linaliman ko pa ang kanyang pagtitig sa kanya at mas tumatagal, nawawala ako. Hindi ko alam ngunit guni-guni lang ba kung may bahid ng pulang liwanag ang dumaan sa kanyang magagandang mga mata.

"The day after tomorrow. What about it?"

"Wala lang." agad kong inalis ang titig sa kanya.

Talaga ba, Coleen?

Wala lang?

I know, I'm hurting myself everytime and in every process. Gusto ko ng pigilan ang sakit na ito.

"You know, I feel like I have a past with you." wala sa sarili kong wika.

"You know, four years ago..." mabilis ang paglipat ng aking tingin mula sa pagkakatitig sa sahig patungo sa maamo kanyang maamong mukha.

It's gentle but it is still stoic. So hard that I can ever imagine.

He's talking about four years past? Am I hearing it right?!

Agad na naghalo-halo ang kakaibang nararamdaman kalakip nito ang bigat din ng pakiramdam. Is loving him buried this kind of feeling?

Kasi kung, Oo. I want to love him. I want to have this kind of feeling.

The four years that I spent feels like just nothing. It is so plain kahit pa man, kapiling ko ang aking anak na si Tres. Pakiramdam ko rin ay may bahagi si Tres na kulang and that is his father.

It's paining me everytime to think that he doesn't have a father. Naisilang syang hindi nya kilala ang Ama. I know that a child is never a solution to a disabled relationship but how did this thing happened?

Did our relationship ever get disabled by any chance? What about it?

Fleeting answers and guesses crossing my shallow mind. I want to wander and know what it is.

"Four years, she left me with no reason. She left me together with her family." punong-puno ng hinanakit ang kanyang boses.

Napalunok ako ng paulit-ulit. By any chance, am I the 'she' he is talking?

"She forget about me. She forgets my existence. I don't know, the curse I bestowed to her is not perishable...maybe it just happens to end and all." dagdag nyang wika.

He's eyeing me like I'm his prey and his my predator. His eyeing me like that, he's spectating me with those hawk-eyes but why is it full of gentleness?

Isang mahabang katahimikan. Para bang pinabibigyan nya ako ng katahimikan at kalayaan upang makapagsalita.

"I'm sorry..." I uttered.

"Four years and I'm wandering where did my baby go..." mahina lamang ang boses nyang iyon.

"I'm lost and I found her again. She seems contented without me, I can't blame her."

Hindi iyon totoo.

Sumisigaw ang mahinang boses sa aking isipan.

"What did you do to her?"

"I molested and raped her." malamig ang boses nyang aniya.

Tila nabuhusan ako ng tubig nang marinig ang kanyang winika. Hindi lamang tubig ngunit malamig na tubig.

Cold, fiery and even more stoic water. Hindi ko alam pero tila huminto ang pag-ikot ng mundo.  Tila tumigil ang oras at hindi ko mapigilang maibuka ang aking bibig, nakaawang---hindi makapaniwala.

Raped

Molested

Her....

He raped and molested her.

Ang kanyang mga mata ay nanatiling nakatitig sa akin. Para bang pinagmamasdan nya ng maigi ang aking reaksyon at sa totoo lang, gulat at pagkatakot ang agad na kumain sa aking sistema.

Iyong pakiramdam na hindi ko maipaliwanag.

"Y-you... r-raped her?"

"Yes." he answered firmly. Without any pause, without any thought, without any doubt.

Walang pag-aalinlangan. He's comitted to admit his make.

"I can't blame her for leaving me. I'm a rapist." bulalas pa nito saka naglakbay ang kanyang tingin mula sa aking mata hanggang sa aking mga labi.

"I raped her...." bulalas nito habang matamtamang nakatitig sa aking mga labi.

"I kiss her..." aniya pa.

Napakurap-kurap ako doon at inalis ang tingin mula sa kanya.

Alright, nagulat ako at natakot but why am I still here standing firmly at bakit hindi ako umalis? I can't lift my feet to travel it elsewhere.

Hindi ko alam. Nanatili akong nakapako sa kinatatayuan at aaminin ko ring may kakaibang pakiramdam sa aking dibdib.

Dug. Dug. Dug. Dug.

I listen more to the pace of my heart beat and on its every siren... Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako kinikilig. Bakit ang lakas ng tibok ng puso. Kung bakit ako kinikilig after knowing that this man infront me, who is very respectable and has also some memories on my past na matagal ko ng nakalimutan.

If the 'her' he is talking about is me...

Bakit hindi ako nakaramdam ng pagkatakot?

I opened my mouth in half.

"You hear me, bakit hindi ka umalis?" naunahan nya akong magsalita.

"Why?" mahina ang boses kong bulalas.

Nagulat sya roon. Kumunot ang kanyang noo. "You aren't terrified? I'm a rapist..." mapait pa nyang wika. Ini-insulto ang sarili.

"Hindi mo naman siguro gagawin iyan sa akin, diba?" mahina ang boses kong tanong saka agad na isinarado ang bibig.

Ako ba ang tinutukoy nyang babaeng ni-rape nya noon? Because if it is me. Matatakot na sana ako ngayon pero bakit hindi.

"You're not afraid?" tanong nya pa. Napailing-iling ako habang nanatiling nakatitig sa sahig.

Hindi ako natakot. Hindi ko alam kung bakit.

"I am not a normal human." he confessed again.

Nag-angat ako ng tingin. I saw a hint on his eyes, a hint of eagerness that is telling me to hate him.

"Forget about what I said, come... Let's take a lunch---"

"How about Miss Lisha?"

Napatigil sya roon. "You will marry her?" dagdag ko pang tanong. Walang pag-aalinlangan ang aking bibig upang itanong ang mga bagay na personal sa kanya.

Tutal at nag-uusap na naman kami sa personal nyang buhay, bakit hindi ko na sasagarin.

Hindi sya nagsalita at sa halip ay may kinuhang gourmet kung saan nakalaman doon ang masasarap na pagkain. Pansamantala ko ring nakalimutan ang tanong ko kanina after seeing the gourmet in place of the table top.

Inihanda nya iyon. Ekspertong-eksperto ang kanyang mga kamay sa pagkakahawak sa mga utensils and even those luxury utensils na hindi naman talaga necessary at wala naman kami sa fancy restaurant.

Palagi ba syang may ganitong pagkain sa opisina nya?

Maybe I am invading so much of his privacy kaya hindi nya na ako sinagot. I don't have the right para masaktan sa hindi nya pagsagot kung papakasalan nya ba si Lisha at fiancee nya naman iyon.

Umupo na ako katapat sa kanya. His long and slender nails sleigh across the juicy bacon infront of us and because of what I saw, some steamy thoughts come across my mind.

Paano kapag ang mahahaba nyang daliring iyon ay pumasok sa----.

"Miss Marquez?" agad akong natauhan doon.

I even blushed for a thought that maybe if he is my rapist noon, siguro ay nagustuhan ko naman ang kanyang ginagawa sa akin noon.

My thoughts explore more lalo na at mukhang tama siguro ang hinala ko. What if denial ako noon na gusto ko ang pagrarape nya sa akin?

What if...

"Miss Marquez, what are you thinking?"

Agad akong nabulabog doon. I am about to open my mouth to ask him if yung babaeng rinape nya ba noon ay nagustuhan ang pagrarape sa kanya but of course, I close my mouth shut.

Masyado ng malaswa ang tanong na iyon and for hell sake! We are infront of a fcking food! The business is to eat not to.... But if it's about eating. He can eat my flesh----.

"Miss?"

"Busog na po ako." walang pag-aalinlangan kong wika at tumayo na. Yumuko pa ako.

"Salamat po sa lunch and thank you for the opportunity that you gave me. Babalik na lang po ako later. May gagawin pa po ako..."wika ko saka patakbong lumabas sa opisina nya.

I know, I know ilan lang ang kinain ko doon but I have no choice but to get out. Kami lang dalawa sa opisina and I'm filled with this thoughts. Babalik na lang siguro ako kapag maayos natong iniisip ko at isa pa.

I glance at my wrist watch.

Almost 1PM na. Back to work, I should be focusing on my job at mamayang time out ay mag-gogrocery pa ako para sa birthday ni Tres tomorrow.

I sighed. He's turning four na. My baby boy is getting older.















I am in my office, alright. I wanted to work but my mind is working on with this revelation na nalaman ko this day.

It's too much na wala akong nagawa sa balance sheets. I crumpled another paper at itinapon iyon sa kalapit na trash bin. I even grimace a grin on my face after seeing na hindi nashoot ang crumpled paper plus puno na ng trash ang bin.

Napapikit ako roon sa inis. Somehow, my metaphorical thinking told me na I am like the trash bin, punong-puno na rin and I need someone to vent with.

Tama!

An idea struck in my head. Hindi ako makakatapos ng gawa kapag hindi ko navevent itong problema ko.

I dialed my Mom's number. I dialed it multiple times but the same customer service answered saying the number is out of reach. Itatapon ko pa sana ang phone sa trash bin sa inis, mabuti nalang and I remind myself that the phone is not like the paper at ilang trabaho pa ang gagawin ko upang makabili ng pamalit.

He said, She leave him together with her family. Kung ako ang babae, bakit ko naman sya iiwan?

Napakurap-kurap ako.

He raped me!

If he raped me, bakit hindi ako naghihingi ng sustento sa kanya. He's rich and not to mention he's hot---mas gugustuhin ko nalang marape....

Well, rape is bad but in my case it's my body's desire. Teka...

How about Lisha?

How did she get in the picture?

Lisha is my bestfriend and she has a son. No, a son pero hindi galing kay Sergio. Maybe she's...

Kumunot doon ang noo ko at umahon ang galit.

Kring. Kring. Kring.

Nagbaba ang tingin ko sa alarm clock na parang phone ring at pinatay ito. The alarm clock reminds you that it's time to go home.

Home!

Ibig sabihin, tapos na ang working hour at wala akong nagawa?!

It's because of this mystery, hindi ko gustong magtanong na lang kay Sergio. Ewan ko ba at natatakot ako sa kanya. I mean, he's gentle and comfortable to be with but something about his past told me that he is indeed dangerous.

I need answers.

But my mother won't answer me. I have guesses and I hope that one more hypothesis, I can trace this dots of mystery.

I should confront her about this. I should confront her ngunit kaming dalawa lang!

Pagod akong tumayo mula sa pagkakasalampak. I'm tired kahit wala naman akong ginagawa. Well, maybe, mentally tired.

"No! Bukas na!"

"I have other matters to do, Lisha." his voice.

Idiniin ko pa ang tenga sa makapal na dingding. It's thick pero rinig na rinig ko pa rin.

Siguro ay masyadong malakas lang talaga ang pag-uusap nila.

"Tomorrow Sergio---"

A moment of silence.



















What happens if takot lang ang pinapairal mo?

Lumabas na ako sa opisina. Hoping I can talk with Lisha but she's faster than a lightning speed. Nagdadabog. She's so mad but this time, nakadapo ang tingin nya sa akin habang nagmamartsa palayo.

Her eyes speaks volume.

Lumapit sya sa akin. Pakiramdam ko ay kakainin ako ng lupa ngayon. "Bye bye..." she smiled but the amount of anger in her eyes is unspeakable.

Linagpasan nya ako and she even hit my side.

Alright, hindi ko sya makakausap ng masinsinan. She might bury me alive. Galit na galit sya sa akin pero may nakatinging mga staff kaya hindi nya ako magagalaw.

I have left with no choice but to talk with Mr. Cervantes. Tinapangan ko pa ang sarili ko bago naglakad patungo sa opisina nito.

"Yes?"

"Reports." I lied to the staff the second time saka iwinasiwas ang folders na props lang naman. She nodded and as soon as I enter the office. I wanna say, holy shit.

Naglakbay ang aking tingin sa likod ni Mr. Cervantes.

I'm resisting this, why the hell am I seeing this?

Sisigaw na sana ako sa nakita ko but he's so quick to cover my mouth with his hands.

He's naked for God's sake!